Anxiety and Depression

Posted by tmf0 @tmf0, Nov 24, 2018

For the last 10 weeks my anxiety and depression have been at a level that I’ve never experienced. My life has completely changed in such a short period of time. I am constantly nauseated, I hardly get out of bed, I have no desire to see or speak to anyone, my mind is continuously spinning with irrational thoughts, I even canceled Thanksgiving and I can go on & on. I just dont know how anyone can live like this. I’m not living but merely existing. It’s a battle every minute of every day. I just want to feel normal again.

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@parus

Physical pain has my mind clouded. I keep trying and end up feeling guilty because I failed again. The doctor wants me back in PT. I canceled. The terror of going back was too much. I left in tears having failed in getting help again. I was too filled with fear of seeing that PT therapist again. I have a very arthritic neck that cannot tolerate the stress the therapist was putting on my neck and the ortho doc wanted me to go back!! Are these therapists not informed about the condition of the patient prior to treating the patient?? I am not brave enough to be hurt like that again!! The 1st one was helping and I was optimistic. It will take me sometime to get my pain under tolerable control again. Forget asking for help!!

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@parus- I don't understand this either. It sounds counterproductive. By the way you are not a failure. Please understand this! Not wanting to endure physical pain is smart, protecting. It's the opposite of failure and guilt.

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@parus

I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the more I begin to wonder if there are any success stories? Mostly what I have been reading is others wanting to stop antidepressants and anti anxiety medications that have caused more harm than good.
I know these type of medications were not for me as the depression I experience is drug resistant. I have had shock treatments and would not do thus again. Anti anxiety medications did help make life easier. They are no longer recommended for various reasons.
When it comes to depression and anxiety I find I am chasing my own tail. I eat healthy, I have my own exercise routine which isn't good enough for the ortho doc so was sent to PT and now have been down and unable to do what I was doing. I have failed again.
I see these people that don't take care of themselves getting help and I can't because I do try!
I get myself stabilized only to end up feeling worse for asking for options with pain management. Apparently there are no options.
Of course my anxiety and depression are worse and it is up to me to fix it again.
I am exhausted. I tell myself the fibromyalgia is all in my head too. I know not to even mention it.

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@parus We cannot be on top of our game every day. Some days definitely feel bad, others feel good, and if you were to lay them out side-by-side , they'd look the same. So, what makes the difference? At times, something we have no control over. The weather, be it hot/cold/rainy/windy, etc. Or who is around you/what they might be feeling and how their actions are affected by that. Or where we are physically, as in a social setting/at home/in nature. I don't think that it is easy any day. And it's something that I myself have to work on everyday. It's been said that I simply take things too seriously, that I never smile enough, and all I can think of is if you knew the discomfort I felt right now, if you understood the pain that I'm feeling right now whether it is physical or emotional you might not say that. But so many times we put a front on even to ourselves! Please hang in there and know that you have so many people thinking about you!
Ginger

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@parus

@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even mention fibro. I have never seen a rheumatologist as the fibro mess we’re terrible for me. I was even told I don’t have fibromyalgia because the meds didn’t help.

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@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it ,Savella didn't help Lyrica so so That's when I went on the fibro network Google it There is alot of new information about fibro You have to do your own research Drs.havent believed us and still don't In the long run it is up to us ,we know how we react to meds ,please do your own research so you can get relieve from the pain Bless you Parus I'm pulling for you

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@parus

@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even mention fibro. I have never seen a rheumatologist as the fibro mess we’re terrible for me. I was even told I don’t have fibromyalgia because the meds didn’t help.

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@parus Hi I didn't get to add a website for into https://www.WebMD / fibro group

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@lioness

@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it ,Savella didn't help Lyrica so so That's when I went on the fibro network Google it There is alot of new information about fibro You have to do your own research Drs.havent believed us and still don't In the long run it is up to us ,we know how we react to meds ,please do your own research so you can get relieve from the pain Bless you Parus I'm pulling for you

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@lioness I don’t know why some meds mess with me like they do. I have had antidepressants and fibromyalgia medications that made me mean and I was pleased with myself for being hurtful to others, I was hearing my television telling me to do things-now that just ain’t right! Glad I did cancel the PT. Anxiety is improving. I have also done a lot of research on ways to tame the fibromyalgia symptoms and flares. I feel so foolish and weak at times. I know this is why I don’t socialize. Tomorrow will be better.

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@parus Yes as the song goes one day at a time ,you live and n the present only let the past stay where it is just so look forward to a better day

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So do i hardly ever do I want to go out I have a job and its hard to go I need help so bad

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@merpreb

@parus- I don't understand this either. It sounds counterproductive. By the way you are not a failure. Please understand this! Not wanting to endure physical pain is smart, protecting. It's the opposite of failure and guilt.

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Thanks @merpreb for reminding me I am not a failure. Those old messages like to taunt me. When you were sharing about your mother I could see and hear mine. Nothing was ever her fault and I never once heard her say she was sorry nor ever admit she was wrong. Enough of those memories. I am sorry you endured the same mother I did. I never realized my mother could travel that fast. 😉

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@smithr

So do i hardly ever do I want to go out I have a job and its hard to go I need help so bad

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@smithr The first thought I have is have you talked to your family doctor?? How long have you been feeling like this?

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@parus

Thanks @merpreb for reminding me I am not a failure. Those old messages like to taunt me. When you were sharing about your mother I could see and hear mine. Nothing was ever her fault and I never once heard her say she was sorry nor ever admit she was wrong. Enough of those memories. I am sorry you endured the same mother I did. I never realized my mother could travel that fast. 😉

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@parus- Good morning. There's a saying that I love. "Don't be afraid to stop suffering."

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@lioness

@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it ,Savella didn't help Lyrica so so That's when I went on the fibro network Google it There is alot of new information about fibro You have to do your own research Drs.havent believed us and still don't In the long run it is up to us ,we know how we react to meds ,please do your own research so you can get relieve from the pain Bless you Parus I'm pulling for you

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@lioness– I agree with your suggestion a rheumatologist should be the next step for @parus. Explaining how meds effect you @parus can help with deciding a treatment. It's another option. Please don't kill the idea before you try it.

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@merpreb @lioness I always appreciate input. There are no medications out there. I already know this so why go through trying that again when I know what they do to me??? Doctors don't believe me. Right now I don't believe me either. I do know that terrible head pain is back and so far it does not seem to be improving. This is my reward for being compliant once again.
@merpreb I know you mean well. I am in this alone and I am thankful for the support I get here. I have to be able to drive safely and currently because of head pain this is not possible.
Surely physical therapy would not do this!! I would be told I am making it up and I don't want to hear it and be told I am not trying because I cannot do what is recommended which is PT.
I am trying.

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