Always needs to know where I am-anyone else experiencing this?

I’m on this site because my mother has Alzheimer’s dementia. She is also constantly looking for my dad. I moved back to the town I grew up in to help my dad with the caretaker role. I feel like I’m of limited help tho. I watch mom while dad runs an errand and she constantly is looking for him, asking about him. I don’t know how to help in these situations except to reassure her when he will be back. We go through these conversations 7-8 times an hour. My dad is a saint, and realizes he is her touchstone. If there ever comes that she needs a memory care facility, he plans to live there with her, to keep her grounded. I couldn’t do it. I guess I’d like help with the same issue as you.

Hi, @2me I'm Scott, and I was my wife's caregiver for her 14+ year journey. I know every patient and caregiver is unique, but here is what I did since my wife suffered from this fear during all of her illness. She was never calm when I was out of her sight.

My wife's neuro doc explained that he thought it was from a fear of something happening when she was alone and didn't know how to help herself. It got to the point I had to leave the bathroom door open so she could see where I was. The only time she was OK with me being out of sight was when she was sleeping. I had to have someone be in the house whenever I had to be out. Over time, her anxiety about not being with me got progressively more debilitating for her. It simply became my norm for our lives.

I would also say (and this is just me saying this), I'd personally be worried if my spouse had still been driving with this anxiety, no matter how advanced the GPS. As my wife's concerns increased over random things, she would lose her focus, and if she'd been driving at those times, it could have been tragic for her or others.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

It can be very stressful to have someone focused on you requiring your attention all the time, but that is usually what develops. I cared for my cousin, who got Vascular dementia and my father who had Alzheimer’s. Things can develop quickly or slowly.

They both were very obsessed with where I was. If in the house they liked to follow me, it’s called shadowing. I’ve read it’s due to fear, anxiety and confusion. So they seek out their trusted loved one. Medication helped quite a bit. I don’t know anyone who has dementia who doesn’t take one or more meds for depression and anxiety. It’s quite common. They may also develop constant repeating the same things, doing the same things, delusions, illusions and hallucinations. Plenty of reasons for them to want to be in the presence of the family member to comfort them. Of course, that’s not always possible. I would get outside help involved earlier so you can get breaks, have time for your own health treatments, etc. i think the constant need for attention is exhausting.

I would strongly reconsider the driving. After a certain point, driving is quite risky. The cognitive decline not only affects the memory but other faculties, such as judgement, distance estimation, reaction time. It’s not uncommon for them to confuse the brake for the accelerator. I’d consult with an attorney about liability and driving. If you know a person has cognitive issues confirm if your auto insurance will cover them. There can be liability for family members who allowed a family member to drive and it injures someone.

i agree with all the other comments you have received but i am very surprised that the neurologist has not stated (in writing) that your husband should not drive. when your husband’s license is revoked, expect s big change in him because he will have lost almost all his independence. i know this from experience. 😥

If you find the answer let me know. I finally moved to a different bed room since he kept waking me up a couple times a night to find out where I was. I thought being in different room would help but now when he wakes up he goes from room to room looking for me. I am afraid to leave him alone to go anywhere. I once joked that we were joined at the hip we were always doing things together but we also did things by ourselves or with our own friends. I think he realizes all that I do for him and he is afraid of what would happen if I wasn’t there. It is his love for you that he wants to know where you are. Good luck on your journey pray for strength and forgiveness when you lose your cool .

True about the driving. Before my husband was diagnosed his judgement on approaching cars was off. For a while I joked he was trying to get rid of me I slowly took over the responsibility of driving. I learned that he had a problem when driving by himself he got lost going to our bank. Luckily he found his way home. That’s when he was diagnosed with dementia. Today when I stop at a red light he’ll tell me it’s ok to go. Go to the DMV and tell them he needs an ID CARD not a license.

My husband’s behavior is similar. Always wants to know where I am and what I am doing. He is also able to drive…to familiar places. I have a feeling the time will come soon when he won’t be able to drive on his own. Driving is very important to him so I dread that day.

Hello 2me,
My husbands illness is very similar to yours. He asks what time ill leave (over and over), when will i be home, where am i, and what am i doing. He also greets me when i pull up. He grabs items from my hands which often makes things worse, and sometimes triggers my need for autonomy. My heart says hes kind but my flesh says leave me alone. I try very hard to feel only understanding for him but i do fail. The loss of his social intelligence is probably what grieves me the most.
My husband also still drives. His doctor says hes ok to drive. I do all the driving when we are together but he drives for his errands and on his volunteer day. I have insisted he stay off the freeway due to slower cognitive thinking which causes tension between us.
His MCI and Absence Epilepsy was diagnosed 13 years ago at age 64 but his memory was bad much earlier. We believe his cognitive decline is mainly due to a TBI in his childhood and young adult.
He has total self care, yet I’ve noticed a sharper memory loss which impacts his daily activities. I see him Looping or Obsessing on chores unimportant while others are forgotten about. This is extremely different for a man who loves to make a to-do list each day! 🙁
I wish for you both peace and knowledge of this disease. I believe the more we know the more we will find peace if not joy in lives.
Kathryn

I am experiencing the same thing. If I go into the bedroom he follows me. Likewise if I go into the garage or the back yard. Velcro husband.

Interesting, I feel like the velcro with my husband, who has MCI, because I'm not sure what's next, or what he's going to forget. Or if he's okay, Or if the infusions are going to have some side affects. The stress and rumination of it all, has got my own blood pressure up. On what was already high to begin with. I need to get to some level of normalcy with this but I'm not sure if fear of the unknown creates anything normal. I appreciate just knowing this group is here so we can share and know how others are handling similar situations.