Acceptance & Compassion

This morning I am having a difficult time responding to your question in an upbeat way. I recently learned that my 52 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She is in the hospital being stabilized. She was helping me deal with my husband’s MCI and now will need help dealing with her own medical issues. Her husband and grown children are amazing. She will be fine but my heart hurts for how this will make her life harder.

Still, I hope we are all able to take one day at a time and find joy and comfort in nature, love, friendship, exercise, art and spiritual growth.

Good morning Gratia, Cheerful is not a word I could never associate with caregiving. Being "Grateful" for being able to provide the support that you do, I believe is more appropriate. Be thankful for those good days, and know that when your mother smiles, or on occasion recognizes you, that you are doing all that you can - be grateful that you're there to help her be more comfortable and secure. Others may be able to provide more direct answers to your question concerning cheer - but for one who has been down that minefield of dementia caregiving, from beginning to end, cheer is not something I associate with it. All the best to you and your mother and always think positively, so that you can be comfortable with the hard work you do.

It has been such a long slow heartbreaking journey. I also am grateful when my husband smiles and perhaps even laughs. Funny he woke me the other evening talking in his sleep and sounded so lucid and was laughing like his old self. Brought a smile to my face and at the same time made me so sad to know what is already lost. At the onset I was so afraid at what might happen at the next given moment and would say now more accepting that further deteriation is on the way.

@gratia We find joy in the little things where less becomes more, in the midst of all this caregiving chaos. Where we once had such a robust life, that we thought would carry us into old age, to where our adult children would thrive on their own, instead of helping us survive. Every warm touch from your mother, every golf ball my husband and I playfully search for around the condo we're renting, we have 500 of them now! And I'm winning this lucid-for-now, looking for balls, competitive play. One even hit our car for $900 to fix! Every good morning breath we take, we find God's joy - "a deep, supernatural gladness that comes from God and remains unaffected by difficult life circumstances." We find joy in knowing our loved ones are still with us, even though it is heartbreaking to see their mind and body break down.
Best, Karla

@fred1 Thank you Fred. 🤗 I agree that “Cheerful” is not the right word. 😞 I’m just treading water here. I posted at 2 AM during moment of angst. We all are doing the best we can. Sometimes it’s just deeply disheartening. Maybe more so for the caregivers.
Sending you supportive thoughts and positive energy 🫂

@gratia, I love the Pooh and Piglet graphic you posted with your question! And it's kind of an answer to your own question in a way, isn't it? When my mom doesn't know what day it is, well, it's just today, and she doesn't need to know anything more except that we're together today, finding something fun to do to distract us both from reality. I often think in the exact words you used: "trying to bypass my exhaustion and do the best I can to be present while she still has her good days." It's a task in itself to keep my mind focused on maintaining that attitude, especially when exhausted and stressed! Godspeed to all of us in the journey 💜

@creatividee hi there, thank you🤗❤️. Yes that Pooh & Piglet conversation does sum it up. I’m glad it resonates for you, Just such a hard journey.😞

Remember that her experience is different from yours. I tell myself daily.. there is suffering in the world, and it is not my job to absorb it all. I try to do my caregiving job as a gift to my husband. But I take breaks, give myself grace, and let myself grieve. It’s death grieving while they are still alive.. because the person you knew and loved is dissolving. It’s ok to be devastated, and still show up.

@leslieherbert
Dear Leslie,
Thank you for your honest and poignant comment.I find it very helpful to hear your kind words and honesty; it helps put things into perspective for me- I’ve been spiraling a lot lately. Sending you love and support 🤗❤️

@leslieherbert adding to my own thoughts…. I try to remember that my husband would never want me to spend my life being sad, frustrated, and bitter. This also helps me when I grieve over my parents deaths in 2022. So when I feel down, I do everything possible to take a break from the situation and focus on something else. I’m learning to savor little moments alone in nature. Or in a good book. We can’t control what’s happening to our loved ones, we can only cope and find ways to escape and live a bit.. even if it’s just an hour.