Share this:
willowsunrise

A mother desperate for answers and help with depression!

Posted by @willowsunrise in About Kids & Teens, Apr 13, 2012

I am new to this community. I haven't really had anyone to talk to about my problems and how I should handle things. I have tried to talk to my husband, after all I have known him for nearly 20 years. I don't really have any friends, and I can't expect a 15 year old to understand how I feel when she is worried about what her friends at school are doing all the time, and boys. My 18 year old daughter doesn't live in the house any more and she was never one to care about anyone else. So, I have sought out help elsewhere. I don't know if anyone is out there at 2:30 in the morning but if they are it would be great to talk to someone.
To tell you what is going on with me, it's due to the loss of a child, my daughter was taken from her school on Dec. 15, 2010 by her biological father who lied to a Court to obtain temporary custody. After being in Court with this so called Judge it became evident to me that this situation wasn't about the truth it was about control. So, this judge starts issueing warrants for my arrest and keeps my daughter from me and all of this is based off of hear say. They have no evidence of abuse, no evidence of wrong doing on my part. They just took her. I have been fighting for 1 year and 4 months. Well, it will be four months on the 15th of this month. But who's counting right? I guess you would say that I am a little stressed! Finding an attorney that will go against this judge has been very difficult and still paying on a retainer fee for the one who accepted the job. I have lost faith in everyone around me because of this. I don't trust anyone with anything. My 18 year old was taking advantage of others and lieing to people about getting married, being pregnant, and she virtually ran away from home and went and stayed with my mother and sister which were instructing her to do things at home to anger me. NICE HUH? Yeah, now you might understand why I trust no one. My mother has suffered from phycological problems her whole life and my sister well, she happens to be off the wall! Now, my daughter is gone and I know it makes for a better atsmophere for everyone here but it still hurts that she would do such a thing. ANYWAY, life sucks for me right now. I have tired to preoccupy my mind and keep myself busy but that has stopped working. I actually started my own business because I haven't been able to do what I was trained to do (nursing) because of my panic attacks. Hell, I can't even drive a car anymore! I have a lot of attacks at night time. I wake up soaked in sweat, and I can't breathe. It feels like I am having a heart attack and ofcourse when the thought crosses my mind, it makes the attack worse. I have sleepless nights and days for that matter. The longest I have stayed up is 38 hours. At that point I take something to help me sleep. Which that only lasts about 3 hours or so and then I am back up. I can't do my job that I created for myself anymore because I can't concentrate long enough to stay on task. I make Native American Crafts and go to powwow's and other events, but I think I am not going to be able to follow through with that right now. I don't know what else to do. What used to work isn't working anymore and I have been completely devoured with thoughts of suicide, loneliness, distrust, and the constant fear that I am never going to see my baby girl again. HELP!

Tags: depression

China and Roxie43 like this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 13, 2012

Hi sweetie. I,m here with you know have also replied to your other comments. You have been through so much emotionally over the past two years, that it taking it's toll. There is nothing in this world like the love of a child that a Mum has. Can you get visitation to see you daughter? Also I think that in regards to your husband and daughter at home that sometimes a coping mechanism for them is just to switch off. I have experiecned this myself. It's not that they don't love you it's just there way of dealing with the situation. It may be wise to get help talk to someone, a counsellor who can just listen and advise you. They may also have the insight into how to help you get assisitance with seeing your baby girl/ If it gets to hard for you please just pick up the phone and speak to someone within your region. A voice can sometimes help and will make you feeel not so alone. Also sweetie panic will occur at nigt, because everyhting around you is silent. Turn on the radio, music you like listiening to. Deep breathing, slowly will ease the panic.You know sweetie, when we get down like this there is only one way to go and that's back up the ladder again. Pull on your inner strength although you may not feel it it there it is. Believe me on this I know through my own experiences. Will stay here as long as you want to talk Piglit

willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 13, 2012

I have tried to see my little girl. The last time I saw her was May 3rd of last year.
She wanted to come home with me so bad, and I couldn't do anything to help her. The situation is that the jerk that calls himself a father will call the cops if I go to see her. This Judge put this arrest warrant on me saying that I owe a bunch of money. Well, I caught the judge in a lie. Documents in the court file state that the amount I was to pay was paid, and that the amount she put on an order for the warrant were incorrect. So, she has gotten herself into a pickle. The attorney that is taking my case is somewhat an ass, pardon my language... but he expects us to pay him $200 per hour even though we will be filing a lawsuit. It's just a matter of time when all this breaks down and Paige my little one will be home. It's just the damage that these people have caused her. Thank you for answering my postings. It makes me feel better knowing I can talk about the situation to someone other than my husband and daughter. Since, they have to deal with their own grief about the situation it seems that they can't listen to mine. It's hard on everyone. But it seems to harder on me, and on everything I try to do. Thank you again for your support.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 13, 2012

Hi Just hang in there as I know you will. You have been strong throughout this and I know you will continue to do so. Maybe could you organize a more compassionate lawyer. I don't know if this would be possible, but it wouldn't be helping the situation. Please keep in touch and let me know how you get along and remember I'm always here if you need just to talk. Talk care Piglit

willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 19, 2012

I plan on contacting a few other attorney's in the area. But since I live in Ohio, and this takes place in another state, it's hard to do. I have already made one 6 hour trip to meet with an attorney and was thrown out of her office. Needless to say I will get someone to do this, even if I have to go to the Press.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 19, 2012

Keep strong. I know that you will. Keep up the fight and do what you know is the right thing to do for you and your daughter. Take care Piglit

uptopart

Posted by @uptopart, Apr 19, 2012

You are not alone! I can't even get, obtain, be given the opportunity, nor is qualify/eligible to receive any social, economic, legal, and medical attention! This is why my health has decline at rapid speed! Gov. Perry has made sure that; I don't receive the necessary help, attention I need, deserves!

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 17, 2012

Hi,
As a mother and grandma I feel your pain. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and the panic attacks are definitely scary. Although life may seem intolerable at this time please don't give up faith because life will get better.
What I read is so very disheartening and at the same time I can see that you are an independent woman who's very strong and creative. It may be difficult to see all the positive things you possess but they are not lost.
Do you have any universities in your area that have law programs? I ask because some schools offer free legal advice. You can also contact your local bar association of lawyers.
Please continue to have faith and despite how bad you feel force yourself to be proactive in the way you approach rectifying some of your problems ...temporary problems.
Interestingly it seems like when we are down we are hit with challenges from all sides and we become so overwhelmed. My dear we are human and unfortunately many of us experience trying times
You will get through this and make sure to confide in your doctor if your meds are not helping and/or you feel unsafe.
You will be in my thoughts and welcome to our community
Roxie

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 17, 2012

Hi sweetie, How are you going today, haven't spoken to you in a couple of days. Stay strong my sweet and remember that you are not alone. I am here if you need me. Roxie and Momentum are as well if you need us at anytime where here Talk soon Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 17, 2012

Really nice of you Piglit.

willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 19, 2012

No S**T! That's what makes me so angry. The lawyers won't take my case because of the fact they don't want to cross paths with the Judge. Needless to say, I do have a game plan it's just taking to damn long. A year and a half is way to long.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 19, 2012

It has been a long time for you. In the end justice will prevail it always does. Take care piglit

dohomework

Posted by @dohomework, Apr 20, 2012

You have had a lot to deal with!
Remember that things WILL change and you WILL see your daughter again.

How about herbal remedies for sleep and anxiety?
Prozac only helped my lifelong depression for a while. Cymbalta almost killed me, literally. It can cause suicidal ideation and aggressive behavior.

Keep talking, or typing! There are people who you have never met that actually care about you and your situation. I am one of them. Been depressed for almost as long as I can remember. Several major episodes. Kinda lost count of them. They're not something I want to remember! My point is: You are NOT IN THIS ALONE!

Is it possible that you've gotten into some 'bad medicine'?

Things WILL change and you will change, too.

Please keep us posted.

Peace and blessings to you.

China likes this
willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 23, 2012

Thank you for your inspiring words. Although it's hard to keep my head up through all this, I have to force myself to do things. I did contact my attorney and he lowered the fee that he originally wanted. And since I have been focused on business, talking to my little Paige is so much easier. I keep telling her that she is loved, and missed and that everyone is praying that she comes home very, very soon. It can be hard, but throughout all this hell, I have found a center. Almost as if I the world is falling apart around me but that there is always something to bring my life in focus.

dohomework

Posted by @dohomework, Apr 23, 2012

It is SO GOOD to hear that you are finding strength. Peace and blessings to you and Paige!

bigred

Posted by @bigred, Apr 20, 2012

Sweetheart give this to god! he makes no mistakes and he wont leave your side! family and friends will sometimes turn their backs on us but god will never! get on your knees and ask God to fix it and you believe it and watch what happens! god is an awesome god! love ya

uptopart

Posted by @uptopart, Apr 20, 2012

God said he can't fail, and it is literately impossible for him to lie! He specializes in anything that you think are impossible! If you are well in line for a miracle, believes in the impossible, doubt/unbelief isn't an option, a lover, doer of his word, in full relationship, connection with Him; through His only begotten Son of the Father, The Kingdom, and Gospel! Then You Are Just Right, In Line For A Miracle and For Him To Move; On Your Behalf! Just Ask Uptopart what I God Has, Will, Shall Do, Did, or Done For Her! Oh It Did Cost Her Much, and Plenty To Be; Where, In, What She Is To Me God!

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 20, 2012

Hi Willowsunrise,
How are you holding up? You have been in my thoughts and I just wanted to check in on you.
Remember to keep your head up and believe in yourself and have faith that things will work out.
Always available if you need to vent or want any help in finding resources.
Yours,
Roxie

vanessa85

Posted by @vanessa85, Apr 20, 2012

Just read what you are going through. I can totally relate. The biological father of my 6 year old son is doing the same thing to me right now. Has our judge brainwashed. Hang in there. I know how hard it is for us mothers to not be with our children every day. I have only one real friend while going through this as well. All I can advise is pray to the higher being of your understanding, yoga, and find a support group. 12-step groups are very supportive. Or maybe they have a grief help group at a local church. We can get through this! =] =[ =]

China and Roxie43 like this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 23, 2012

hi Vanessa
That was very nice of you to offer another person experiencing issues with their children support. You are on point! You both can get through your unfortunate and trying time.
Take care,
Rox

willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 23, 2012

Thank You for your post. At first, I figured that I was probably the only one that is giong through this hell. You have to hold your breath at times, and slowly bring your focus back on track. I honestly told my husband, that I would rather die a thousand deaths than to go through this. I really don't understand how anyone could put a mother,or a father through this intentionally. But, being Native American I have seen a lot of things. People literally are extremely cruel to one another.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 23, 2012

How are you holding up? Just thinking of you and hoping that you ars being strong as well as good to yourself.
Take care,
Rox

willowsunrise

Posted by @willowsunrise, Apr 23, 2012

I am doing okay for the moment. Ups and downs, round and round we go!

China likes this
china

Posted by @china, Apr 23, 2012

You will overcome this. A mother's love is worthy and systems cannot deny u ur child. My mom passed when I was 11. As long as u are here ur a mommy no matter current situation.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 23, 2012

I'm glad that you're staying focused on what you need to do. If you become inactive people will walk all over you. As a mother who loves her child you have RIGHTS! !!!!! GO GET HER BACK.
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Apr 24, 2012

Hi stay strong and keep fighting for the right for you and your daugther. She needs to be with you and should be. Roxies words are so right Hope your feeling better today in my thougths Piglit

china

Posted by @china, Apr 27, 2012

I have prayed for u in my own way. Thx

Please login or become a member to post a comment.