I am new to this community. I haven't really had anyone to talk to about my problems and how I should handle things. I have tried to talk to my husband, after all I have known him for nearly 20 years. I don't really have any friends, and I can't expect a 15 year old to understand how I feel when she is worried about what her friends at school are doing all the time, and boys. My 18 year old daughter doesn't live in the house any more and she was never one to care about anyone else. So, I have sought out help elsewhere. I don't know if anyone is out there at 2:30 in the morning but if they are it would be great to talk to someone.
To tell you what is going on with me, it's due to the loss of a child, my daughter was taken from her school on Dec. 15, 2010 by her biological father who lied to a Court to obtain temporary custody. After being in Court with this so called Judge it became evident to me that this situation wasn't about the truth it was about control. So, this judge starts issueing warrants for my arrest and keeps my daughter from me and all of this is based off of hear say. They have no evidence of abuse, no evidence of wrong doing on my part. They just took her. I have been fighting for 1 year and 4 months. Well, it will be four months on the 15th of this month. But who's counting right? I guess you would say that I am a little stressed! Finding an attorney that will go against this judge has been very difficult and still paying on a retainer fee for the one who accepted the job. I have lost faith in everyone around me because of this. I don't trust anyone with anything. My 18 year old was taking advantage of others and lieing to people about getting married, being pregnant, and she virtually ran away from home and went and stayed with my mother and sister which were instructing her to do things at home to anger me. NICE HUH? Yeah, now you might understand why I trust no one. My mother has suffered from phycological problems her whole life and my sister well, she happens to be off the wall! Now, my daughter is gone and I know it makes for a better atsmophere for everyone here but it still hurts that she would do such a thing. ANYWAY, life sucks for me right now. I have tired to preoccupy my mind and keep myself busy but that has stopped working. I actually started my own business because I haven't been able to do what I was trained to do (nursing) because of my panic attacks. Hell, I can't even drive a car anymore! I have a lot of attacks at night time. I wake up soaked in sweat, and I can't breathe. It feels like I am having a heart attack and ofcourse when the thought crosses my mind, it makes the attack worse. I have sleepless nights and days for that matter. The longest I have stayed up is 38 hours. At that point I take something to help me sleep. Which that only lasts about 3 hours or so and then I am back up. I can't do my job that I created for myself anymore because I can't concentrate long enough to stay on task. I make Native American Crafts and go to powwow's and other events, but I think I am not going to be able to follow through with that right now. I don't know what else to do. What used to work isn't working anymore and I have been completely devoured with thoughts of suicide, loneliness, distrust, and the constant fear that I am never going to see my baby girl again. HELP!