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noorlight
@noorlight

Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 21, 2018

A kidney Living Donor

Posted by @noorlight, Fri, Jul 20 8:42pm

My dad is suffering from kidney failure and he is refusing to take a kidney from me or any of my siblings because he doesn't want us to get hurt. But I can't see him going through dialysis and keep watching. I was thinking to donate my kidney as an anonymous donor so he doesn't feel guilty, I want him to live comfortably with it. What do you guys think?

REPLY

@noorlight, I want to welcome you to the transplant discussion group on Mayo Connect. I am sorry to hear about your dad's current health status. You are to be commended for your interest in living kidney donation.

For a starter, I want to share the Transplant Pages. You can find materials for transplant recipients as well as living donors in the Recipient toolkit and a Donor Toolkit. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/transplant/

After you look at the toolkits, I think you will have a clearer idea of what is involved. Do you know whether your dad is a potential candidate for transplant?
I will be looking forward to hearing more form you.
Rosemary

What a kind and caring father you must have to want to protect you even though he is hurting.

@noorlight I understand your dad's feelings but also understand why you would want to donate. It is so much easier as a donor (the procedure, recovery etc) than the recipient. If he wants to talk to someone who has donated a kidney to get the "real deal", he is more than welcome to call me.

@rosemarya

@noorlight, I want to welcome you to the transplant discussion group on Mayo Connect. I am sorry to hear about your dad's current health status. You are to be commended for your interest in living kidney donation.

For a starter, I want to share the Transplant Pages. You can find materials for transplant recipients as well as living donors in the Recipient toolkit and a Donor Toolkit. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/transplant/

After you look at the toolkits, I think you will have a clearer idea of what is involved. Do you know whether your dad is a potential candidate for transplant?
I will be looking forward to hearing more form you.
Rosemary

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Thank you it's very helpful. Yes my father is a potential candidate.

@jolinda

What a kind and caring father you must have to want to protect you even though he is hurting.

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Yes he is. That's why its very hard for me to watch him suffering without doing anything.

@mauraacro

@noorlight I understand your dad's feelings but also understand why you would want to donate. It is so much easier as a donor (the procedure, recovery etc) than the recipient. If he wants to talk to someone who has donated a kidney to get the "real deal", he is more than welcome to call me.

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Thank you. He is not suppose to know about it because it will hurt him more than being ill.

@noorlight I get what you're saying now.
Logistically, it could be complicated to do this without him finding out, some of it depends on your family situation.
You will have a 2-4 day evaluation to make sure you are eligible for surgery and to make sure you can lead a full, healthy life with 1 kidney. I don't remember anything painful but they are long days and you may want a support system to talk with about it before/after. You will need a caregiver to go with you to a couple of appointments right before the surgery and someone to be with you for few days after. You also won't be able to lift, push or pull more than 10# for a month afterwards. I believe the surgeries are scheduled together (across the hall, not the same room) or within a few hours of each other, so you may bump into each other at check in. Also, your dad may wonder why you aren't there when he's receiving a new kidney or recuperating.
The there's the $ part. His insurance covers medical but I think things like flight, hotel stays & missed wages come from the recipient.

Would a kidney donor chain work? It links up patients and willing donors and shuffles available kidneys around so that the recipient gets the best "fit". This is something you can do whether or not anyone one you know needs a kidney so it is technically independent of your dad.

I'm wondering if a Mayo nurse or social worker can help you figure this out. Your dad is trying to protect you and that is wonderful but maybe part of protecting you is allowing you to help him so he can be around for many more years?

@noorlight, I want tell you that I hope that your dad is comfortable and that he is getting accustomed to his dialysis schedule.
How are you doing with handling all of this? You don't have to face this alone. I was on dialysis for a short time before my transplant, and I am interested in being here for you if you want to talk to anyone.
Are you and family members finding any of the information that I sent you to be helpful?

@mauraacro

@noorlight I get what you're saying now.
Logistically, it could be complicated to do this without him finding out, some of it depends on your family situation.
You will have a 2-4 day evaluation to make sure you are eligible for surgery and to make sure you can lead a full, healthy life with 1 kidney. I don't remember anything painful but they are long days and you may want a support system to talk with about it before/after. You will need a caregiver to go with you to a couple of appointments right before the surgery and someone to be with you for few days after. You also won't be able to lift, push or pull more than 10# for a month afterwards. I believe the surgeries are scheduled together (across the hall, not the same room) or within a few hours of each other, so you may bump into each other at check in. Also, your dad may wonder why you aren't there when he's receiving a new kidney or recuperating.
The there's the $ part. His insurance covers medical but I think things like flight, hotel stays & missed wages come from the recipient.

Would a kidney donor chain work? It links up patients and willing donors and shuffles available kidneys around so that the recipient gets the best "fit". This is something you can do whether or not anyone one you know needs a kidney so it is technically independent of your dad.

I'm wondering if a Mayo nurse or social worker can help you figure this out. Your dad is trying to protect you and that is wonderful but maybe part of protecting you is allowing you to help him so he can be around for many more years?

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I second that idea! Consulting with a social worker or nurse would be a great place to start. Perhaps with the help of a trained 3rd party you and your Dad will be better able to understand the others' point of view.

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