Cancer fear... clitoris

Posted by justmec123 @justmec123, May 23, 2023

Hello all, I've neglected a weird growth on my clitoris for about 12 years. Thought it was a wart, but it has gotten bigger as the years go by. You may ask why I didn't have it seen about... cue my severe depression and complete lack of care for myself. At this point I am terrified, a wart doesn't last 12 years. It doesn't hurt, or itch. I am trying to make an appointment for myself somewhere, and that has taken some courage for me. I just have to face this. Thank you for listening and I wish good health for everyone reading.

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Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | May 23, 2023

@justmec123 I want to first say congratulations to you for taking the big step of deciding to make an appointment. The growth has been there for 12 year and I'm thinking you've been worrying about it for a long time. Do you have a good recommendation for a gynecologist? If not, can you ask your primary care provider for a recommendation or referral?

Yes, there are some things in our lives that we just have to face. Just as you wrote. Some things are really unpleasant too. Here's that helps me. When I'm very anxious about something like a medical appointment or something health-related as much as I might feel I want to avoid it altogether I "take my anxiety" along with me. I even give my anxiety a name and pretend to pack it in a briefcase that I carry with me. The short term consequence of avoiding is immediate relief from my anxiety. But then the anxiety will come back again and again and just get bigger. The long term solution of avoiding the the problem? There isn't one in this case as it just leads back to the problem again. I can break that cycle by doing what I know I need to know based on my value of living a healthy life. So I make the appointment, I go to the appointment, and I then figure out what I need to do based on the results of the medical appointment.

Will you come back here and let me know when you've made the appointment?

gynosaur42 | @gynosaur42 | May 24, 2023

I, too, am saluting your courage to reach out, @justmec123. Like @naturegirl5, I also had anxious (deny and run away) parts AND also frozen, shameful and self-critical parts that sought to distract me from the fear I felt as I stepped up to seek care for my body. Before my hysteroscopy, I had a conversation with my gynecologist in which I asked her whether we were doing this procedure just to pacify my anxiety. She said, no, we needed to do this. I'm glad we did, as my cancer was diagnosed, I received treatment and will continue with that going forward now that I have a team of providers who have the expertise needed and can guide me. I'm not so alone in it, whatever it will unfold to become. I wish you caring and skilled providers who also honor your courage. I will keep you in my thoughts.