Is it Me or Bad Luck?

Posted by frances007 @frances007, Apr 4, 2023

Those who may have read my previous posts, hopefully know that I do not unnecessarily post items that are frivolous. Having written this, I recently had an experience with a new therapist that has caused me to reflect upon some of the discussions I have had with her and her constant self assertion of her Christianity upon me. For what it is worth, I am an agnostic and while I have attended many churches, I have respect for those who believe in a higher being.
This is the second therapist I have had in the past year, the first one abandoned me because she said she did not have experience with those who were dying or who had a chronic illness, even though my discussions with her about my illness were a small part of my therapy. I was paired with a new one via a different organization that offered tele-therapy. The current one is located in Illinois and our appointments have been at 0630 AM PST, early.
I was very upfront with her about my past relationships, primarily with women. Two 10 year relationships that ended miserably and with great psychological and financial harm to me. The last one was with a sociopath who did some very sinister things to me that essentially resulted in the loss of my entire retirement fund among other things. I am not saying this because I want any sympathy, but rather as a warning to anyone who may be second guessing their relationship(s) with others.
My current therapist, who I will be speaking with for the last time this week, does not believe I am a lesbian, believes all lesbians look like men and things of that nature. Of course we know this is not true. Just look at some of those beautiful Hollywood stars, and you know that those such as Jodie Foster or Jamie Lee Curtis do not resemble men. I certainly do not. I tried going to church recently in an effort to meet nice people who did not judge me because of my drastic weight loss, and ended up meeting a sexual predator who wanted me to spend the night with him, just to "snuggle" because he was "skin hungry" like many of us who are along can often feel. I told him that at the very least he could have asked me out for coffee before asking me into his bed, which I flat out refused and reported him to the church I was attending, but no longer do so.
Having said this, I am trying to decide how best to end this therapeutic relationship with this therapist on Friday. Do I tell her that I am offended by her comments, that the annointing oil she sent me in the mail is of little use to me, and that I am in fact, a lesbian, a fairly good looking one at that?
It's hard enough being diagnosed with awful illnesses, and then having to essentially have to explain oneself to a therapist, a Christian at that.
What has happened to our society? I know there is a shortage of good therapists in California where I reside. It is next to impossible to see one in person because they do not want to take an assignment of Medicare benefits, even though my Advantage Plan covers psychotherapy at no cost to me for unlimited benefits.
I would appreciate any input, and if I have offended anyone, my sincerest apologies. I am simply an eccentric artist trying to make my life the best it can be, which has been especially hard since losing my dog last March. I know it sounds crazy, but I really do miss that 68 pound pitbull next to me every night. Yes, she was a bed hog, but she was mine and I still miss her terribly. She is irreplaceable and now I am thinking of getting a pet rat for God's sake.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

Dogs are a very special member of the family. I understand how painful it is to lose her. My Casey died 10 yrs ago and I still miss him but it has gotten less so with each passing year. When Idoe I've asked to have his ashes placed in my coffin. Ok, now don't get a rat they die too soon. How abut a parakeet? I had one that would fly on my shoulder the minute I got home. Her cage door was hardly ever closed. One night I was up sick and she flew down the hall into my room, my you birds don't like to fly at night, to comfort me.
Now, you really need to find a gay or liberal therapists. Perhaps you could do a zoom session with one in NYC or any other major city. If you don't like the one you got, just tell her that you don't feel you are making any progress and you'll be moving on. I'm sure she's heard it before. I wish you all the best !

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@casey1329

Dogs are a very special member of the family. I understand how painful it is to lose her. My Casey died 10 yrs ago and I still miss him but it has gotten less so with each passing year. When Idoe I've asked to have his ashes placed in my coffin. Ok, now don't get a rat they die too soon. How abut a parakeet? I had one that would fly on my shoulder the minute I got home. Her cage door was hardly ever closed. One night I was up sick and she flew down the hall into my room, my you birds don't like to fly at night, to comfort me.
Now, you really need to find a gay or liberal therapists. Perhaps you could do a zoom session with one in NYC or any other major city. If you don't like the one you got, just tell her that you don't feel you are making any progress and you'll be moving on. I'm sure she's heard it before. I wish you all the best !

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Thank you very much.
I have forgotten about the pet rat, and now thinking about a turtle. Easy, no mess, and l would not freak out if the turtle escaped. I had signed up to foster a dog through the SPCA,but my neighbor warned me about getting attached to the dog, and she is probably right. Because my dog was so special, and had also been trained to hear for me, I think she is irreplaceable.
Regarding the therapist, I do need a liberal minded one, and explained this to the company my current therapist works for. I plan to tell her I am moving on, and I think it is important to tell her why. Nothing about her religious beliefs, but rather some things she said to me not just about sexuality, but other off the cuff remarks that caused me to rethink whether or not talking to her was the best thing for me.

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@casey1329

Dogs are a very special member of the family. I understand how painful it is to lose her. My Casey died 10 yrs ago and I still miss him but it has gotten less so with each passing year. When Idoe I've asked to have his ashes placed in my coffin. Ok, now don't get a rat they die too soon. How abut a parakeet? I had one that would fly on my shoulder the minute I got home. Her cage door was hardly ever closed. One night I was up sick and she flew down the hall into my room, my you birds don't like to fly at night, to comfort me.
Now, you really need to find a gay or liberal therapists. Perhaps you could do a zoom session with one in NYC or any other major city. If you don't like the one you got, just tell her that you don't feel you are making any progress and you'll be moving on. I'm sure she's heard it before. I wish you all the best !

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I have done more thinking about the bird you suggested, and this might be a good idea. My friend/neighbor has a lovebird, and while he is very possessive, he is awfully adorable and as your bird does, sits on her shoulder or inside her shirt when she lets him out of the cage, which is quite often. Also, I can hear the sound without my hearing aid and I love the sound of birds. My grandmother had budgies and would teach them to talk. A bird I could talk to without thinking I am crazy for constantly talking to my dog's pictures which adorn my apartment. In my former relationship we had a rather large bird that was loud and talkative, "no wine for you." I would often talk to him, even though he did not understand a word I was saying. That bird was especially loud and high maintenance, and we later gave him away. Having said this, I think the bird is a grand idea and I will have my neighbor help pick one out for me. While I cannot presently afford a big fancy cage, I can find a good one. Thank you!
As for the therapist, I plan to be very up front with her this Friday because I feel that telling her why I am leaving is important(to me). I will leave out the religion because I know that will result in a lengthy discussion. She already thinks I am practicing witchcraft because I am currently reading about Gnosticism.

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Frances, sorry for your problems. The one that resonated with me the most is the loss of your dog. I as well as many others I am sure have felt your grief. But for heaven sakes get a cat rather than a pet rat. I hear they have 9 lives! Besides, they make loving companions. I speak from experience. With regard to Christianity and a former therapist I believe it’s as a minimum unprofessional behaviour, but also a waste of your time. I live in Quebec (former bastion of all things Catholic) where all religious symbols of any kind are forbidden in all government offices, classrooms, court rooms etc. Why they even removed the big cross gracing the National Assembly. It took awhile but it did happen. Change is slow but progress is made in inches not yards at a time. Don’t be discouraged, it’s not you, it’s mostly bad luck with those therapists. May I ask, what training and professional accreditation is required of therapists in your state ?

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@willows

Frances, sorry for your problems. The one that resonated with me the most is the loss of your dog. I as well as many others I am sure have felt your grief. But for heaven sakes get a cat rather than a pet rat. I hear they have 9 lives! Besides, they make loving companions. I speak from experience. With regard to Christianity and a former therapist I believe it’s as a minimum unprofessional behaviour, but also a waste of your time. I live in Quebec (former bastion of all things Catholic) where all religious symbols of any kind are forbidden in all government offices, classrooms, court rooms etc. Why they even removed the big cross gracing the National Assembly. It took awhile but it did happen. Change is slow but progress is made in inches not yards at a time. Don’t be discouraged, it’s not you, it’s mostly bad luck with those therapists. May I ask, what training and professional accreditation is required of therapists in your state ?

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In California, Licensed Clinical Social Workers are required to have a Masters Degree and also complete both written and oral examinations with the State. I had the experience of living with one for 10 years so I am well aware of the licensing and education requirements, not to mention those things that can lead to suspensions and things of that nature. There are other providers, and they are MFCC's. Marriage and Family Counselors, the licensing requirements for these are not as stringent. The fact that I have now had two bad experiences with tele-therapists has been disheartening to me for various reasons. The first one, MFCC, was actually quite helpful until she suddenly decided she could not work with me because I had a chronic illness; however, I had been working with her for over 6 months before she decided to bail. My illness was really not the primary reason I sought care, but nonetheless she decided and documented that I was "at the end of my life" and she did not have experience treating anyone with a chronic illness. An internal investigation was commenced after I complained, but because she had documented that she thought I would be better served with 1:1 in person treatment, no one at her company would help me. So, I was referred by my doctor to a different company which led to the current therapist, a LCSW, who obviously is not a good fit for me. While I have grounds to file a complaint with the Board of Behavioral Sciences, I will not do so as the process is long and stressful to say the least. I am shaking my head as I type this because all of it seems like a bad dream.
I am Canadian as both my parents were born in BC and I lived there growing up. I understand a lot about Quebec as well as the other provinces. I have even given thought to moving back to Vancouver where my cousins live, but everything is so expensive. In any event, I have let the current therapist's company know what kind of therapist I want, and was very specific. No religion based therapy, LGBT sensitivity and things of that nature. In retrospect, I probably should have ended the relationship much sooner, especially when she began arguing with me about how old the Bible is, various parables in the Bible and things of that nature. I let it go because I wanted to talk to someone about my disease, the lack of care I was receiving and how frustrated I had become with the medical system.
This week I will make it quite clear to this provider that while she has been very kind, her comments to me about lesbians was insulting to say the least. All of this is just maddening.

I thank you for your comment to me, and appreciate your kind words.

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If it were me, I would tell your current therapist, that although they might think their comments were helpful, they were not appropriate. They need to realize that not everyone shares their beliefs, and that it made you so uncomfortable you are seeking out a new therapist. This will not resolve the pain it caused you, but may make the therapist realize that they cannot force their beliefs on someone else, even if thinking they are helping.

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Thank you.
After much consideration I submitted a complaint to the California Board of Behavioral Health Sciences last night. Understanding that it is a long and arduous process, this unfortunate experience was something I just could not let go. Also, I did not want what happened to me to happen to someone else. I also called the company the woman worked for and they expressed surprise that one of their therapists had opinions such as I described. My insurance company is going to set me up with one of the therapists they have on some kind of special care team and I will talk to her next week. I am not one to bemoan about things, but this experience really set me back in some ways.
Thank you again for your understanding

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