Down n Out

Hmmm well, good luck with the analysis and I do not mean that sarcastically. You probaby mean well but after all these years I'm feeling a little bullet proof.

So I am getting all your replies to my email even though I have this site open. I am having to click on the link to get to these replies. Maybe i am doing something wrong here?

Analysis? Not for me... it doesn't matter what I think about you, it only matters what you think about yourself. So, I'm just curious, what was the thought running through your head when you decided to write your initial post?

Same for me - but I just signed up for this not really knowing what it's about.

Thanks for the chat On my way to a study Take care

Anytime!

I suffer from major depression even at my best i always come up on quizzes being told to get help immediately. i take medication and see a doctor for an hour monthly. i am in the entire belief that in order to function at all i take medicine and get therapy. right now I am in a down cycle but experience has taught me I will get better. If you have never had relief my heart goes out to you. My journey from becoming a dentist then total non-function to taking a place in life and being able to write you are a combination of medicine and lots of retraining my thinking patterns. I was of the wrong belief at first that a magic pill would fix me. The truth is medicine only got me well enough to change myself and my thought patterns. I had to learn suicide was not a solution. It is a long journey to find the correct medications. I had to stop all medicine then add one at a time. i was seeing the doctor 2 times a week then. I feel blessed that I have gotten relief and gained hope of a better tomorrow. i felt helpless and hopeless for years. It truly was a hard journey and not but if you have stayed alive this long you must be a courageous man. I commend you for staying alive for your children. financially depression is hard. to depressed to work, not enough money to get help. being told to look at your inner self is rude and insulting. Major Depression is a disease that has real physical symptoms because your brain is not functioning correctly. If you had diabetes no one would say skip the insulin look at your inner self.

And how are you doing now meno? I didn't see anything in the responses here that would make me feel better, hopeful, encouraged. I hope you did. I'm almost 65 and have been on various medications fo the past 10 years. Diagnosed with Major Depression of the medication resistent type. I have done the med upon med booster, psychology appts., time in a psych ward for threatening to kill myself (I've had suicide ideation for 50 years.....yep, and, like you I just keep hanging on because I hate to hurt my family that way.) I've exhausted my family, children, friends, spouse's patience as if I can just change my mind, go out and volunteer, exercise, etc and that'll work like it does for them. Everything works temporarily. I have no interest in getting out of bed, tv, talking on the phone, volunteering, working (I'm a retired RN) and barely care about my marriage, seeing my kids and grandchildren anymore, feeding my beloved dogs, etc.
I used to be distracted by raising children then heavily exercising (actually ran a very successful business, then going back to college, then working for 20 as many hours as I could, alcohol, partying, praying, and the list goes on. But each was a temporary fix. Even in my 20's I'd cry for hours after putting my kids to bed nightly. I'm tired of trying. I cry frequently and husband no longer responds sympathetically because he's just tired of it all. Frankly, I don't blame him. I spend a lot of time in bed now. Gave up drinking years ago and when I try to drink now it's no fun. Have been going to a shrink for 2 years I finally found who seemed good engouh. Even he is frustrated. Tried increasing my thyroid medication. Had every test of every system in my body. Avoided every food I was sensitive to. Gave up dairy, gluten, on and on.I even had a face lift, a breast reduction and a tummy tuck and I look fabulous when I try. Everything works for a little while, like meds....then drops out. I'm pretty sure the more meds I've tried the worse I've gotten, including aquiring anxiety and social phobias. I can ACT happy for other people's benefit. But I'm a good faker. Folks are always shocked when I tell them about the REAL me. I divorced after 25 years. I dated heavily. I married a sweet man ten years ago. I'm tired. I'm old before my time. I can afford all this, fortunately and STILL I haven't found relief. I've planned my suicide, my funeral, my will, and even gotten to the point where I no longer care if my family suffers. I'm 65. I'm tired of living. I don't have that many quality years left anyway. Why wait around? My last hope right now is trying to get treated with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) only because I've heard it's now FDA approved, medicare and some insurance companies have started paying for it and because I have read stories of folks with protracted medication resistent depression have had success. If that doesn't work I'm done. I hope you find a therapy that works. You might consider trying to get on disability so you can afford to try help.....people DO get disability after a long period of trying and can go on to get the help they need. I hope you make it. It sounds like you might be young enough it's worth it for you. Good luck

HELLO! from one crazy old lady to another! You sound like me. as for you, Menodummy (love your ''handle''), Lyrica works for me, and I study the Law of Attraction, and some other really "far out" stuff. That's about my only motivation these days, dunno why. Good luck, and listen to JaydedLayde, she sounds like the best bet, and she takes in strays! There are many days I feel like a stray myself, and a whole buncha days I just feel STRANGE!!

It doesn't sound like you gave meds a real try. Most antidepressants take 4 to 6 weeks to become effective. It may take two or three tries of different antidepressants to find one that works for you. Been there. Done that.