Challenges w/ adult child, likely has borderline personality disorder

Posted by jkiowski @jkiowski, Aug 14, 2012

My first son, now 39 years old, seem to have 90% of the symptoms and behaviors of Borderline Personality Disorder. He was adopted by us at 11 1/2 months old.
He has just abandoned his two children (by two mothers), moving CA from TX without telling them. He is with his third wife and her two children. I told me the last time I talked to him, that I had "disowned" him and didn't support him. We have always had a very difficult relationship. I'm still having trouble accepting that I am not loved by my grown child. I'm looking for someone who's experienced this within their family and some coping skills.

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This is my first time on this site and actually speaking openlt about my struggles. I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and I can just honestly say that it is what seems to be one of the most impossible things to diagnose,treat,understand,and live with. No words could ever describe what it's like to be the person with the disorder and try to live normally with other people.Anyway I really just rambled on here.Feel free to message me anytime if you like. Thanks.

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@shayela89

This is my first time on this site and actually speaking openlt about my struggles. I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and I can just honestly say that it is what seems to be one of the most impossible things to diagnose,treat,understand,and live with. No words could ever describe what it's like to be the person with the disorder and try to live normally with other people.Anyway I really just rambled on here.Feel free to message me anytime if you like. Thanks.

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I too have this personality problem. I tend to stay alone much of my time, but I do get active with the public sometimes. I just have a hard time making friends now, and I tend to stay aloof from social events. It gets lonely, and now I can see from my life experience that I really had this problem all my life. What helped me throughout my life was my active sports life, and I was always a runner. But 5 years ago I had a back injury, and now I can't run anymore. This has really clipped my wings. My selfesteem was wrapped up in my physical abilities. Now I walk, but I am overweight too, and this I guess affects me and my wellbeing. Now I am changing my religion, or church, and question my faith....where to belong??

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Surely he's not your son - he's adopted - that means he's your son by love and behaviour, but genetically, you have no idea - right? My first husband was an armed robber - He beat me, sodomised me and brutalised me for 5 years. I had a son by him, whom I adored. I left my husband with my son, aged 2 years old. I moved from London to Australia. Endless problems at school and at home followed on. I was a single mum, working, so I admit, I carried the guilt of this for years, but finally at age 14 he was diagnosed with ADD. He wouldn't take the medication and the school wouldn't help him, so eventually he was expelled, followed by expulsion from 2 further schools. He started drug dealing, and just as the police were on his tail, he was attacked and severely beaten by rival dealers - I put him straight on a plane to his father in London, hoping to save him from continued contact with the dealers. He has continued to use drugs, and now lives in Thailand. His father no longer speaks to him. I try, but he is non compliant. A social worker once told me that it was me that needed help - not him. If she had been in the room, I would have knocked her out!! My thinking now is that I never could have helped him - his genes were going to make him this way - there was only ever a limited amount of influence I could have had. I felt guilty for years. Now I am dying, aged 46, from a medication reaction. I am trying desperately to contact him to see him for one last time, but he won't speak to me. I feel for you. You need some sort of event to force you to consider, is his behaviour your responsibility, or anything you can impact. If not, then, how do you move forward?

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