Lifelong Struggle with Depression, Feeling Lonely with It

Posted by Xin @xin, Mar 30, 2012

Just want to talk with others who have had a lif long struggle with depression. Feeling quite lonely with it. I know others who seem to have overcome it completely. I have certainly had some good times but also countless recurrences. Very discouraging!
Xin

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren't we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing....
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

REPLY

I also struggle with depression. I lose my appetite and need to take ambien to help me sleep. Do you take an antidepressant? I just started taking 20 mg of paxil a few weeks ago. You may want to have your vitamin D levels checked since mine was very low and can affect you. I look forward to hearing from you and know you are not alone.

REPLY
@mainelady

I also struggle with depression. I lose my appetite and need to take ambien to help me sleep. Do you take an antidepressant? I just started taking 20 mg of paxil a few weeks ago. You may want to have your vitamin D levels checked since mine was very low and can affect you. I look forward to hearing from you and know you are not alone.

Jump to this post

Thank you mainelady. I have tried a lot of different medications over the years. When I felt better for a while, I would either be taken off of them or quit on my own. My family Dr. always advised that I should probably take an antidepressant for the rest of my life. I have a new psychiatrist and she says the same thing! Says that a long standing depression like mine cannot be "cured" but symptoms can be ntreated. She is putting me on Cymbalta. Hope it works

REPLY

so, so hard for you. Please take or try to take one day at a time. Surround yourself with upbeat people and get involved with volunteer work. Once you find something you really love to do, e.g. gardening, etc., you will look forward to each day. God bless you.

REPLY
@margareto

so, so hard for you. Please take or try to take one day at a time. Surround yourself with upbeat people and get involved with volunteer work. Once you find something you really love to do, e.g. gardening, etc., you will look forward to each day. God bless you.

Jump to this post

Dear Anonymous: Thank you for your response. Depression just won't let one realize one's blessings. One just sees "Doom, Defeat & Despair". I do have some perfectly dear, dear freinds and without them I would probably not be here. Spring will be a great mood lifter, at least mostly it does and I'm anxious to get some garden dirt under my fingernails; to be able to sit on the swing on my deck and watch the flowers grow and hear rhe birds. (Always - anytime but now and anyplace but here!) I have started a new anti-depressant, Cymbalta, which,if it helps, my psychiatrist recommends I stay on for the rest of my life. She says a life-long depression like mine cannot be "cured" but with the right medication and if I am at last worked through an early PTSD with therapists who specialize in this, I may finally get some lasting relief. LET US PRAY!!

REPLY
@marylynette

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren't we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing....
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

Jump to this post

Dear marylynette: Sounds like you have a great deal more to deal with than I but that you have also found some good supports and ways to cope. Don't know what DID is? I too keep a journal, but I find I'm really writing the same things over and over. I guess it is a way to vent. Yes depression is a greatly misunderstood disease and the nature of it is to rob one of self esteem and make you feel like a loser and a failure so that you could almost believe what some think - that it is a character weakness and that you should just be able to rise up & deal with it!! Acceptance is such a barrier for me. I guess I am thinking that their is some magic out there that I just haven't found yet. I shall remember you in my prayers as well. Hope He is listening.

REPLY
@marylynette

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren't we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing....
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

Jump to this post

DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder. It has been a struggle to overcome, and a struggle learning to live in the world with full awareness, but it has been worth it. Remember always that what we are dealing with is an illness, not a weakness anymore than diabetes or fibromyalgia, or a broken bone. I find that I often am writing the same things, but I have learned that it is my way of working through issues. Lately I have been neglegent in my journaling because the depression has been so very debiliating. I am hoping that I will find the energy to get back to it soon. You needn't hope He is listening, you may know for a certainty that He knows all that you are going through, and feels your pain...and loves you very very much. He hears, he cares, and He is always near. I look back on my life and realize that more often than not there is only one set of footprints......and they are not mine. marylynette

REPLY
@marylynette

Please know that you are not alone, and you have found a place in this community where you will be able to find all the support one can hope for on the web. My life has been one filled with depression, I have overcome DID, and now live with treatment resistant depression. Learning to accept this illness is a big step in the battle, knowing that mental illness is no different than other illnesses also helps. Unfortunately depression is an invisible disability that is misunderstood by many who have never experienced it. Aren't we lucky to have those good times which help to keep us going! I know that for me, a faith in the Lord has been a tremendous help, I know He has been with me my whole life. Talking about your feelings is very helpful, and I have found writing a journal also helps. I will never be cured of my depression according to my docs, so I am learning to accept it and live with it. I have severe PTSD and in my picture I am with my service dog, Yorrdan, who has become a great comfort to me. I am also blessed to have a husband who has struggled to learn and understand my illness, he has been to therapy with me and is now learning to become the caregiver that my physical health requires. Remember that we each choose how to live our life, we decide to accept and conquer the dragon challenges that we must face. But we need not try and do it alone, there are others who will help and listen. And a good therapist and psychiatrist have been a wonderful part of my healing....
You will be in my prayers, and I hope that this site will help you learn to live with depression that may never go away.

Jump to this post

Thanks for filling me in on DID. I can only imagine the distress of it. Hope that it is now in your past. Thanks for your words of encouragement. So good to communicate with someone who understands from experience the devastation of depression. Together we can make a great difference for each other. BLESSINGS!!

REPLY

Xin, I'm sorry your also going through this. Like marylynette said, you are not alone. I'm suffering also. As I type this I'm in tears. Feeling alone is one the most awful feelings. My friends are scattering. Who wants to hear your problems...they have their own. My Husband is supportive...amazing he is still here. Just waiting for him to get sick of me too. I hope you feel better. I really do. I wish this would stop and we could have 'normal' lives. I wish that for everyone. I don't see me getting better. Everyday I'm worse...I'm desperate. Scared. Hopeless. Anxiety is off the charts. I don't know what to do. Are you any better?

REPLY
@azure

Xin, I'm sorry your also going through this. Like marylynette said, you are not alone. I'm suffering also. As I type this I'm in tears. Feeling alone is one the most awful feelings. My friends are scattering. Who wants to hear your problems...they have their own. My Husband is supportive...amazing he is still here. Just waiting for him to get sick of me too. I hope you feel better. I really do. I wish this would stop and we could have 'normal' lives. I wish that for everyone. I don't see me getting better. Everyday I'm worse...I'm desperate. Scared. Hopeless. Anxiety is off the charts. I don't know what to do. Are you any better?

Jump to this post

Dear Azure: I hear you! And here is a great big hug!! They say that love is not enough, but it sure helps. Please, please don't give up, we are all in this together and think of us all holding hands and keeping one another from falling as each one of us goes through our dark nights. More to you later. Blessings.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.