@hopeful33250 aka Lily.
Helping others can be a double edged sword. On one edge, helping others offers a sense of usefulness as a problem-solver. Another edge can lead to frustration when the problem solver has a "solution" and the one with the problem is not so receptive. Special educators often encounter this situation–the most beautifully crafted IEP can end up in the circular file by the recipients.
Combine my problem-solving nature with the intrusiveness as a trait of ADHD + all my other DSM ad infinitum issues…yes, exhaustion can occur, especially if my analysis paralysis kicks in and if rejection kicks in and criticism kicks in…
The decision-making, woulda, coulda, shoulda..shoulda…shoulda…
However, when I experience a sense of Awakening, ( I relate to the movie The Awakening because of the sense of my shutting down and eventually reemerging…no, I do not have a bi-polar disorder. At this time, I have: major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, ADHD & PTSD. Whew…
Anyway, when I begin to sense an Awakening. I feel I have a moral obligation to take advantage of my time, e.g. creative activities, not cleaning…
I now know I can't make up for lost time. I am getting better at admitting I can lead a sore horse to water-but I can't make him take an Epsom salts bath…lol…rme (is that a thing?)
I have seen my new psychiatrist for a few years, so he has grown to know me as more than a code. He mentions my Awakening and can relate to me more effectively. He understands that when I use figurative language I am not delusional. As an aside, a LCSW was conducting an evaluation of me for a second opinion. In the 1990s, a primary care provider told me I was schizophrenic. The LCSW ruled out schizophrenia, but did mention I was delusional. I had described my problems as loose strings hanging over my head and that it would be nice to tie-up some of them–to resolve some of the issues. Then, I returned to my PCP and reported to him that I did not have schizophrenia. "OH that…I was only kidding!
So I think that in general, navigating the mental health industry can be very exhausting.
Today, I am "A" okay…accentuating the positive, acknowledging the negatives, and recognizing that I can't solve all the problems I encounter–mine, as well as others.
BTW…yes, when my friend experienced her relative's suicide, I was–still am– vicariously grieving for her relative's death. Too close. I read my friend My Unsuicide Note…my contract since 2001, created by my therapist, God, and me– promising that I will not kill myself.