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What Willpower?

Lung Cancer | Last Active: May 26, 2022 | Replies (10)

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@merpreb Merry, I have been thinking about this ever since you first posted this here. I read the article you referenced in "Cure Today". I've personally been encouraged by your stamina (willpower?) and wonder how you persevere after 20 years. All of us, our personality characteristics, are so different from one another and you have a remarkable resilience. You may go "kicking and screaming" to each medical appointment and get on and off the table for those CTs. Anyone who believes a person should "be strong" and paste that smile on their face must still be living in the early 20th century. I'd like to think we get to have our emotions, we're allowed to be angry and irritable but we still get on with it. I remember my ex-husband saying to me one time that "You shouldn't act angry. It's not ladylike". What? What he was really saying is that HE wasn't comfortable with my anger. But that's another story and reflects his family who never expressed much of anything except superficial pleasantries.

So, willpower? Yes! A person can accept the reality of all those appointments and scans but it doesn't mean you have to like it. But you do it anyway. You go, Merry! That IS why you are still here.

Thank you, Merry, for reminding all of us what it takes to live each day and keep moving forward.

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Replies to "@merpreb Merry, I have been thinking about this ever since you first posted this here. I..."

Oh, Helen- There are so many answers that I can give you. But one is that it's in my nature to keep going until I can't, and then I keep going a little more after that. The second thing is, what option do have? I don't want to die.

But your question is more specific. After twenty years, why would I not still fight after all of the money, time, expertise and support, and love that I have received and give it all up? What an insult to everyone that would be!

So far I haven't been ill enough to lay claim to what is down the line for me. I know that my COPD is worse and that I am likely going to lose some more lung tissue because of this new lesion. I try not to think about what will happen even in the near future. I have so many plans.

My husband is almost 80 and not completely well. I'm 75. But we have plans as long as Dave holds out. My folks never talked about death or dying, never. And I don't go around thinking of it. And I seem to only think about it when it gets in my way.

This didn't happen overnight. It took me a long time to come to this understanding of myself and my cancer. So if this is why I'm here then I am honored beyond belief!

Thank you, my friend