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Native Floridian (@nativefloridian)

Broken Hearted, What can I do?

Women's Health | Last Active: Nov 13, 2017 | Replies (46)

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@shenriq

Hello broken-hearted,
I have read your comments and those of many others and here’s what I think. It is clear that you are working hard to be patient, loyal and committed, conflicted, fearful, and frustrated. The range of the feelings and experiences you shared says a lot about the consistent lack of fulfillment you are experiencing with your husband, a very troubled man. All the support you have given doesn’t seem to work to improve his understanding of himself and yours, despite the time you both have invested. Unfortunately, your spouse is falling short on his willingness to do the work to get healthy, which is unraveling your marriage and keeps you off balance — a very difficult and disappointing situation. So far, I’m hearing you are a victim of your decisions to stay with a husband who is a threat to you and robs you of happiness and safety.
Please give some thought to a few things, that come to mind: and don’t keep them in your head — get a journal and write them down – date your response and don’t edit!
What is it that you truly want from this relationship? What do you want from your husband? What do you want for yourself? What works in this marriage? What doesn’t? What about this relationship makes you happy? What keeps you in this relationship? What do you want more of, less of? Who can you trust to help you talk about your pain? You mentioned that you sought professional help. Are you continuing to work with this individual, since you said it was very helpful? If yes, what has been your learning? If no, why have you stopped seeing this individual?
Looking at the thoughts you documented, is this relationship working for you? What resources do you have or need, to help you move yourself from where you are, to where you want to be? Food for thought.
PS
Do you understand that you’re responsible for your own happiness? So, what holds you back from giving yourself this?

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Replies to "Hello broken-hearted, I have read your comments and those of many others and here's what I..."

Wow, i am truly moved in a god way by your words. This is because I’m in pretty much the same position. You really made each point so clear and thought provoking. I’m stuck, very lonely and very unhappy. I sought out help almost a year ago and it took until late this summer for me to just talk to my spouse and try to make some progress. Not much there. I’ve been married for 34 years and have been dealing with this for most years of it, about 27 years. It’s been intermittent but constant enough to make it a pattern. I struggle with my self worth and question my integrity for staying. I’ve been on antidepressants for a year and now have added anxiety meds. I began counseling a year ago too for my depression but was able to progress to the point of having my spouse sit in on one of my sessions to hear my pain. Unfortunately I’m in between counselors now due to the one i was using closing their satellite branch. Your very thoughtful, supportive, concise words really touched me and i have saved them to reread and feel the strength and clarity they give me. Thank you for making a difference!

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