Broken Hearted, What can I do?

I think that therapy is a good source for guidance in a difficult situation. Sometimes it is difficult to separate emotion from the equation. Confusion can set in when too much is going on and decisions need to be made. i've received professional advice this week and feel that I have all angles covered, psychological/emotional, legal, medical and finally, I've shared the situation with family and friends and am no longer flying solo on this. I appreciate all of your advice and support here on the mayo blog because it is good to know so many people have concern for others, even strangers that turn to the internet for help.

Peace Keeper, I understand your philosophy but there are people that truly need this Master Physician to work through human physicians in order to heal them. I don't think that discouraging others to seek medical attention is a productive thing to do on this forum. Not everyone on this earth gets a miraculous healing like you. I am not discounting your experience and believe your experience is your reality. Please realize this and know that although everyone's opinion is respected here many have been helped by medical doctors. I am happy for you and happy to hear you are enjoying life again. Blessings!

Just fyi, I'm an avoidant type with childhood issues. I'm trying to go to therapy and it's just not working ...I can't talk at all. So, ultimately, I'm just ending up with a feeling that it's just another thing I have failed at. The result is feeling worse. And then add to that, the fact that now I'm more aware of how screwed up I am and how much my past has affected me but with no resolve to go with it. Then take away the coping skills I have relied on to survive all of my life ...because now they just look like it's been a futile effort. That's my summary of pushing myself into 'therapy' to 'get better'. I don't think this is better. I've been contemplating if addressing issues head-on is always the right thing to do.
I don't know if this would interest you but Wikipedia true self & false self and read similar concepts. I found Alice Miller to be particularly interesting. I was also trying to find more information on Joan Riviere, negative therapeutic reaction, & "defensive organization" but general look-ups have lacked the detailed information I was seeking.
I guess my reason for commenting here is that the comments I've seen (either here or on the 'loving someone with a personality disorder post'?) regarding people's willingness to change have gotten to me. Willingness just is sooo not the issue with me and I wanted to add another perspective of what someone might be thinking.

nf i think you are so right. quite often it takes more courage to seek human help than prayer alone. we are made of flesh and blood and even though we are aware of our spirit it is through our senses and cognition that we survive. from prayer, i believe comes the answers and the clarity of the next step in our journey and as humans we can see with our eyes God's message in a number to call, an office to go to, a friend to unite with, etc...etc and then we use our ears to listen, our feelings, thoughts and voice to respond. God, I believe gives us strategies to help ourselves and these include reaching out to others. He expects us to deal with other humans in this world as both a helper and a helpee. everyone has their ups and downs and sometimes we are in a position to help and sometimes we need help. you are right perhaps miracles do happen but on a day to day basis, society is set up to care about its members and people should use these services if they feel they need them and quite often this is the answer to their prayers.

NF, you comment on a lot of posts. Please, comment on the one above. I'm not looking for some big answer or a conclusion ...just your thoughts. What you were thinking, if you looked up any of that, do you think your husband might have similar feelings? While sorting things out for myself, I also like to hear the opinions of others. Especially, those that come from another point of view.
The perspective I wanted to add is that maybe your husband doesn't feel he has control over his emotional well-being. But, know that I admire the effort you have made to find resolve and work it out. I also whole-heartedly believe that you should put you and your family first if he treats you badly.

Anon: Why can't you talk? You see, I don't understand that. If you really want to get better, you need to open up with a therapist and learn what it is you need to do to help yourself. I also think that you're thinking and analyzing this to death, you need to just make a list of your issues and work down the list. Start with all of the people that have truly 'hurt' you and why and go talk to the therapist. They are great at giving you insight as to what you may have done to cause someone else to have the ability to hurt you. sometimes we are just innocent victims and other times we are just plain naiive about people, like choosing the wrong friends, spouses, etc. Like I'm not the best judge of character, well, I'm much better now than I was in the past but that's because I learned the hard way. I appreciate you wanting to add another perspective to this blog because that is important. I'll take a look at the Wikipedia references you mentioned and comment later. I've got a plane to catch early in the morning.

I believe you are right about putting the family right if the treatment is not healthy. Strict boundaries are in place now and measures have been taken to protect my health and well being, as well as the children. My husband avoids life, in general, he is just someone with low energy, low self esteem and learned from his family of origin to 'keep quiet' and not make any waves. Sad, but true. We go to joint counseling and it is helpful, but he doesn't always talk much there either. At least it keeps him in line, for now.

Time will heal the pain.

This is exactly my experience.
I have to get my husband to leave...he's been threatening to do so for three years and has demeaned me, belittled me. I will tell him at the weekend. I can't live like this.

No one should be exposed to bullying from anyone. If you can I think you should leave him if you feel he is a danger to you. I know you may want to help him. But the best way is to protect yourself first and foremost. Once you are safe and secure than you can get him help. Protect yourself first and foremost.