People who behave as you describe your husband do not change when the behavior is long term and no treatment is available. While I respect the sanctity of marriage, it sounds like it is time for you to take care of yourself by seeking your own counselor and an attorney. You may also invest in a voice recording device (I like Olympic) to begin privately documenting your husband's abusive behavior. You'll want to be careful that you set up the recorder so that it does not make any sounds at all when you are using it (e.g., no beeps when the recorder is turned on/off and no sound if "play" is accidentally hit). You need a recorder that you can sync to your computer and you need to make sure that the files are password protected and hidden. The files will be large. You will also want some kind of external hard drive to back up your recordings weekly. Make sure to keep the external hard drive at a trusted friend's house or family member. DO NOT allow your husband to know what you are doing. These files will be important to share with your lawyer and will also be useful with counseling. When you live with a person like your husband you might start doubting yourself or reality. It is very important to keep records for yourself so that you are able to know that your trauma is completely real. In addition to recording events I would also set up a private email address that only you know about and use this to keep a written journal of events. You will just write out your "journal entry" in an email that you send to yourself at the same email. These records will also be very important in helping you obtain the care and support you need to leave your husband or to have your husband removed from your home. Wishing you well. EN

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