Hillo tinaann, what are some of your strategies for managing your bpd ? I gather you are doing something right having coped for 4 years. I am on some meds, and trying to keep myself on a schedule . I read alot and have an understanding family.

the 4 years have been spent in counseling dealing with and sorting out my childhood , teen years and my 20's and 30's. i really needed to search for a good counselor. it is very imporant to find someone that you can relate with and trust, that also knows what they are doing. i am now at the point where i am looking at the bpd and how to deal with me and my thinking. it is a roller coaster of emotion i go from extreme sadness to anger. however, it is all making sense and i am starting to see how bpd has effected my life, my thinking, along with my relationships. it is giving me a sense of hope that i have not had for a very long time and even though it is very difficult, to acknowledge how messed up my thinking has been, knowing that if i follow this new way of thinking, one day i could be free of the hurt and anger the disapointment and the loneliness is such a relief, i can't help but be excited and eager for the freedom from my old way of thinking and dealing with lifes ups and downs. i do take meds for depression and anxiety. i do not have any type of support from family, they believe i should "just get over it" i agree that reading and research has been a great help and i do keep a journal which helps alot i will write in it when i am sad or angry and put down all my feelings, after i calm down some i will go back and look at it again and i can see the exaggerated thinking, and at times i can laugh at myself. i would just like to find some peace with myself. i wish you all the best and the happiness i am sure you deserve. we are mixed up yet, very special people with good hearts

I understand what you are saying. The mixed emotions, not really understanding why you feel the way you do sometimes. Actions are sometimes really hard to explain and control. Do I sometimes can do something, i see myself doing it. But do not have any ability to control it. It's like when you lock yourself accidentally out of your house. You can see in the windows at everything going on inside the house. You just can't get to it or control because you are on the outside. Or sometimes you just lose track of time and almost like a blackout you don't remember. It is very frustrating and scary at times. I have to just make my mind SLOW down. I can't stress to much or have too many things going on at once. i get very confused and you really don't know what is going on. Everything combines into one in your head. You can't decifer what goes with what.

well said -- being on the outside looking in and unable to control it. I was diagnosed with BPD two days ago. I am frantically researching and looking for ways to get it under control. I have so much anger sometimes, I take it out on my husband, and he is undeserving of it, but I am struggling to get it under control. I start counseling on Wednesday, but until then I am learning everything I can, I have ordered books, and writing down all of my nasty behaviors in order to raise my awareness. It's encouraging to know that there are others that know how I feel, and understand this hell.