@jimhd Jim, thank-you for sharing this saga of yours. I can hardly get my head around the immensely painful difficulties you have faced. I know that pain is pain. You have now had both the emotional variety and the physical variety and I think it would be difficult to assess which would be worse for any given person. As I say, you have had both, a double whammy, and just listening to you describe this journey, and I know you just scratched the surface here, I believe for you the emotional one is by far the hardest one. And although by no means do I equate what you have experienced to what I experienced in terms of depression, I at least feel I have a little insight into yours by having the memories of what I did go through. It is difficult to convey to someone who has not experienced it just how painful depression can be. The blackness you are in is so unpleasant as to be almost unbearable. And as relentless as physical pain can be and is, it does not give any more suffering to a person than depression, just a different kind of suffering.

Did you have periods where the horrible aspects would let up for a time? Mine manifested by going in cycles or waves. As dark and awful as I would feel, for days or sometimes weeks, it would eventually let up and, although I would not feel overall happiness at all, I would at least spend a few days to maybe a week or two in kind of a state of forgetting, sort of a numbness I guess. Did that happen for you? I think yours was much worse than mine. I mean you didn't know you were depressed through a lot of it but you were without knowing it. I kind of knew I was depressed. I am pretty sure my family must have sensed it as well, how could they not? But it never occurred to anybody, certainly not me, to seek any type of help or therapy. In hindsight it probably would have been a good thing for me.It just wasn't a part of my family's life experience, therapy I mean. What an amazing thing to find out my wife was a natural born counselor. She got me to talk, she asked lots and lots of questions and I started to look at every aspect of myself which I had never done before, at least out loud to another person. Boy did I take big strides when that began to happen.

I'd like to say more but I have to start to get ready to do my Red Cross deliveries so I will sign off for now. I really appreciate you talking about all of this Jim. I think you are a great person, and I am so happy to get to know you and about your difficulties in life. Whether you know it or not, you are a true inspiration to me and others as well I am sure. Okay, take care for now my friend. Talk later. Hank

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