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fiesty76 (@fiesty76)

Grief in the Time of Covid-19

Caregivers | Last Active: Jun 29, 2020 | Replies (26)

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Hi, @gingerw, I'd asked if a Zoom broadcast might be considered for the service but daughter decided against that. I am saddened that she hasn't included Fred in the final arrangements but he somehow manages to continue to walk on eggs and avoid confrontations. He must surely have accumulated a whole new spectrum/constellation of stars for his crown by now! smiles.

The daughter would not agree to having her mom's ashes placed in the family plot. Instead declared that she will carry them home with her and have them made into some type of necklace. I am beyond despair at her disregard for her mom's expressed/desired plans and wishes. At least she referenced Fred as companion in the obituary as well as the brothers, she did not include the names of their wives because she "never liked them".

I'd delivered a letter, which included some possible tribute remembrances that might be used during the service to Fred along with a batch of his favorite chocolate chip cookies and a can of his favorite reg. Coke the other day about 6am. Parked in front of a neighbor's house and posted a note on his garage window of the "pkg" left. Didn't want to alert anyone of the delivery and though he shared what I wrote with daughter and said it had "made his day", I seriously doubt any of it will be read at the service today. It was primarily intended for him and my friend knew how much she was loved by so many.

As my friend so often said: "This too shall pass" and although I cannot be there to physically support him today, we will have other times ahead to share.

Even knowing that the daughter's unreasonable behavior is a manifestation of her untreated mental illness, I know the best action for me is to avoid any and all possible contact with her. Fred and I are talking daily and he knows beyond doubt that my door and outside table are always open and available to him and little Tuffy.

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Replies to "Hi, @gingerw, I'd asked if a Zoom broadcast might be considered for the service but daughter..."

@fiesty76 Can you or her guy ask the daughter for a "token" amount of ashes? Surely she cannot begrudge you that? That is what we did with my father. While I had the bulk of ashes to commit to the sea, there were also a very small token amount distributed among the children, plus I left ashes at two of his onshore favorite places. As he was a Navy man, aboard the USS Enterprise in WWII, I ordered a stainless steel anchor from Perfect Memorials for each child.

You'll be in my thoughts today. You are dealing with a lot, and how blessed you and her guy are to have each other!

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