Hello again @anhedonius, I do applaud you for all of your efforts to find some healing and peace. You have certainly worked hard to achieve results. I urge you to keep at it. You never know when a breakthrough might come about. Perhaps you will recover some distant memory that may be weighing you down or perhaps a therapist or a book will unlock a key for you in understanding why you are feeling the way you do. So keep up the good work!

In the meantime, I hope that you will keep as physically active as you can during this COVID crisis. As much as possible reach out to others by phone, email, or notes and try to help others who are also feeling lonely and downcast. There is some real healing of emotions that occur when you try to assist someone else. It is difficult to find volunteer opportunities during COVID but there are phone calls that you can make to shut-ins, etc. You might contact the NAMI organization in your area to see what they offer in the way of online support groups or phone call opportunities.

Have you tried any volunteer activities?

@anhedonius
Wow you really have been in therapy a lot, and since a very young age. Has it helped you? If so in what way(s)? Just very curious, and also curious what what form(s) your therapy has taken. Your pessimism about trying another new thing makes me think you have not been very happy with most of what you have tried so far. I am curious whether you have sought any help in a spiritual sense, i.e. do you have a belief in God? Hank