1. < Transplants

Decided to be a Living Donor: How to gain support from spouse

Posted by greent424 @greent424, Jun 10, 2020

I made the decision to be a living donor and will be starting evaluation process soon (my guess, within a couple of weeks). I am married and have two kids (almost 3 and 4). My husband doesn't support my decision due to fear of risk in being a donor. I have discussed it with him but he still doesn't want me to. I'm not sure how to gain his support. Has anyone had this issue? Thank you for your time.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Transplants Support Group.

Tammi | @danhoe | Jun 12, 2020
In reply to @greent424 "Thank you, Tammi. I am actually far from the Mayo Rochester where the recipient is. So,..." + (show)
@greent424

Thank you, Tammi. I am actually far from the Mayo Rochester where the recipient is. So, it may not be possible for him to come to my appointments. (He has close relatives in MN so we may try.) I don't have any hesitations about donating. Good to know about the possible impacts on my kids.

One question I do have is regarding the evaluation process and how long that takes. Since I'm on the west coast, I wondered if some of the tests can be done locally or if it can be done all at once within a couple of days. I am thinking about calling the hospital to ask these questions, just for planning purposes.

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They may have a sister site where they're able to do your testing local to you. At least the preliminary testing to see if you're a match. If you're coming from out of state for the more advanced testing, they will schedule you some long days (if that's the case I would encourage you not to have the kiddos with). There's a whole separate scheduling system for transplants that is very friendly in my experience. Make sure you let them know what your desires are and they try to work with them in mind. My husband never came to any appointments or even to my surgery (he came to the hospital to take me home that's a requirement for whomever you list as your caregiver). If you're flying in you might need to choose a caregiver wherever you are staying since you will be unable to fly for 1 week.

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1 reply
jodeej | @jodeej | Jun 12, 2020
In reply to @greent424 "Thank you, Tammi. I am actually far from the Mayo Rochester where the recipient is. So,..." + (show)
@greent424

Thank you, Tammi. I am actually far from the Mayo Rochester where the recipient is. So, it may not be possible for him to come to my appointments. (He has close relatives in MN so we may try.) I don't have any hesitations about donating. Good to know about the possible impacts on my kids.

One question I do have is regarding the evaluation process and how long that takes. Since I'm on the west coast, I wondered if some of the tests can be done locally or if it can be done all at once within a couple of days. I am thinking about calling the hospital to ask these questions, just for planning purposes.

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I was evaluated to see if I could donate part of my liver to my husband. My eval was done at Mayo Rochester and took about 3 days I believe. If you talk to them you could possibly have some testing done near you and have the results sent to them. I'd had my mammogram and a colonoscopy done, so I didn't need to have those repeated.
JoDee

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1 reply
greent424 | @greent424 | Jun 12, 2020
In reply to @jodeej "I was evaluated to see if I could donate part of my liver to my husband...." + (show)
@jodeej

I was evaluated to see if I could donate part of my liver to my husband. My eval was done at Mayo Rochester and took about 3 days I believe. If you talk to them you could possibly have some testing done near you and have the results sent to them. I'd had my mammogram and a colonoscopy done, so I didn't need to have those repeated.
JoDee

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Good to know. Thanks!

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greent424 | @greent424 | Jun 12, 2020
In reply to @danhoe "They may have a sister site where they're able to do your testing local to you...." + (show)
@danhoe

They may have a sister site where they're able to do your testing local to you. At least the preliminary testing to see if you're a match. If you're coming from out of state for the more advanced testing, they will schedule you some long days (if that's the case I would encourage you not to have the kiddos with). There's a whole separate scheduling system for transplants that is very friendly in my experience. Make sure you let them know what your desires are and they try to work with them in mind. My husband never came to any appointments or even to my surgery (he came to the hospital to take me home that's a requirement for whomever you list as your caregiver). If you're flying in you might need to choose a caregiver wherever you are staying since you will be unable to fly for 1 week.

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After reading your message, I checked their website that shows a map of "care network". Nothing in WA state 🙁 Hopefully I can get some tests done here and just send the results, at least for the preliminary testing.

Good to know regarding flight restrictions after transplant.

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1 reply
Mentor
Rosemary, Volunteer Mentor | @rosemarya | Jun 12, 2020
In reply to @greent424 "After reading your message, I checked their website that shows a map of "care network". Nothing..." + (show)
@greent424

After reading your message, I checked their website that shows a map of "care network". Nothing in WA state 🙁 Hopefully I can get some tests done here and just send the results, at least for the preliminary testing.

Good to know regarding flight restrictions after transplant.

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@greent424, I welcome you and I commend you for your generous act of love by considering living kidney donation. You have already received the best information from the exerts, the patients here on Connect, who have replied to you and shared their experiences with you.

I have an additional layer of information for you as you and your spouse are discussing your potential donation. If you click on the blue text, you will be directly taken to the Transplant Pages where the Mayo where you can access the Living Donor Toolkit as well as other transplant information from Mayo Clinic.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/transplant/

I am a recipient, with a deceased donor, so I don't have any experience to share. However, I am here and ready to help you locate any information.

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Mentor
Rosemary, Volunteer Mentor | @rosemarya | Jul 4, 2020

@greent424, I want to let you know that whatever you decide and wherever your donor investigation takes you - It takes a special person to consider the donor process. You are an inspiration for seriously considering the need and the possibilies. Thank you.

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1 reply
greent424 | @greent424 | Jul 6, 2020
In reply to @rosemarya "@greent424, I want to let you know that whatever you decide and wherever your donor investigation..." + (show)
@rosemarya

@greent424, I want to let you know that whatever you decide and wherever your donor investigation takes you - It takes a special person to consider the donor process. You are an inspiration for seriously considering the need and the possibilies. Thank you.

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Thank you for your kind words, Rosemary.

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