Having passed through a long period of suicidal ideation myself, I know the feelings that accompany it. It's brutal. The brainache, hopelessness, emptiness. So many facets.
I have an appointment with a neurospecialist on the 11th, to move, possibly, toward a DRG implant. I'll be thinking of you, and praying that it will bring you relief. Chronic, intractable, 8-10 pain is hellish. Who can fully understand it until it's experienced? We don't wish it even on our enemies.
I remember the week of my SCS trial. It was euphoric! I had forgotten what it felt like not to be in so much pain. I trust that your trial will be the beginning of a new life with controlled pain. I'm certainly looking forward to reading all about it. In the meantime, while thoughts of suicide may intrude your mind, you now have a great goal to stay alive for.
But I don't want to make this note about death. I want it to be one of encouragement and celebration and support. Countdown from ten days!!