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rcb1975 (@rcb1975)

When will I ever be happy?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: May 6, 2020 | Replies (14)

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Thanks Jeanie. I am Robyn. My brother who passed, Richard, was my protector. In 5th grade, a boy that sat behind me started poking a pencil in my back. I was very shy back then and although I told him to stop, he kept on. I was too introverted to tell my teacher. I told Richard though. The next morning in home room and before the bell rang Richard showed up at my class. Him and his best buddy came over from the jr high/high school building. He called me out to the hall and asked which boy was messing with me so I pointed to him . Richard told me to go get him… he wanted to speak to him. So I went and told the boy that my brother wanted to talk to him. The boy went out in the hall. I'm not sure what all my brother said to him, but I'm sure it was along the lines of 'dont mess with my sister and don't ever touch her again or you,ll be sorry' . The boy came back, sat down behind me and was crying. That boy never touched me again or even looked at me the wrong way. Richard was so many things. He loved deer hunting with my dad and other brother and camping, spending time with our uncle and cousins. He was also mindful of the way others perceived him and his family. We didn't have a lot growing but he made sure his hair was washed and bathed every morning before school and he had a fear I think, of being type cast as poor or lower class. But he had a huge love for animals as was evident with his stray dog Bo and he liked cats too. when they got deer my dad had the meat processed for consumption but it was still a big thing to get a deer with big horns. I could never do that but we did eat the meat and it was not just for sport. I often wonder what my brother would be like today. Would he have a family? What would his career be? What kind of person would he be? I'll always wonder.

Today was a very difficult day for me as I remembered that tomorrow will be my kitty Ellis 15th birthday. I struggle every day, sometimes more than others, but it's a daily battle. I still cannot process that he is gone. I still have these moments where I'm working, busy etc and all of a sudden something reminds me. It's almost like I forgot Ellis is gone, then one of the other cats will sigh or yawn…or I,ll have a memory of him.even hearing one of them moving around reminds of how Ellis used to do and I then realize that he isn't with me anymore. And I then feel a shock like it happened all over again the morning I found him laying lifeless.. I'm not sure how I'm gonna get through this. I'm trying one day at a time. It is so, so very hard.

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Replies to "Thanks Jeanie. I am Robyn. My brother who passed, Richard, was my protector. In 5th grade,..."

Dear Robyn. Oh what a wonderful brother and then to lose him. Keep him in your heart. I lost my first husband just after 11 days of being married. A good friend was killed with him too. I turned to alcohol and hated God, but I'm back with God now and can't drink because I'm on medications that won't let me drink. I do have a glass of wine every once in awhile, but since they started me on Tymlos, that will increase my bone mass I cannot drink at all. Be sad sometimes, but put your brother in your heart and pray a prayer.

How did he die? Have you tried to a couselor? They really helped me when my mom killed herself and my husband and friend died. So try counseling if you haven't done it yet. Love to you and my prayers are with you.