A New Kind of Grief in These Times

I've followed this thread for a few days now, debating whether to reply. For me, it's somewhat of a hot button. My friend, who is a psychology professor (certified in thanatology, the scientific study of death) and fellow bereaved parent, has been discussing the difference between grief and mourning. She's wondered if the feelings people have right now in relation to the pandemic are actual, profound grief or more accurately defined as fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty?
After experiencing compound traumatic grief of multiple losses in a 6 year period (my infant twins to extreme prematurity, my father & my husband both to cancer and my last living child to a rare and undiagnosed disease, plus the deaths of my 2 Great Danes,) I find it a little difficult to equate true profound grief with people complaining they can't get their favorite food or can't get their hair done or are forced to spend 24 hours a day with your spouse/partner & children.
I'm not dismissing someone else's feelings. I just wonder if the social isolation, distancing and stress of the pandemic might be causing some loss of perspective? As @gingerw said, "Our lives have been turned upside (down) recently." Yes, that is true. But for the most part, the majority of Americans will at some point be able to resume life with their families still around them. Family is a precious gift that I can never replace.
Thank you for reading my 2 cents on the subject. Everyone stay safe and remember to count the blessing you still have.

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@team4travis- Hello. Oh, my goodness where to start with all that you've been through. I don't think that anyone is comparing the loss of loved ones to the loss of peanut butter. I started a discussion in the Lung Health group so that people could discuss their feelings and be aware of facts, not myths. Also, Connect is a place to vent, complain, gripe and yell. It might be the only place that some people have to do this. We are here to support everyone. We are patients helping patients. I am a mentor for the Lung Cancer and Lung health Groups because I have stage 4 lung cancer. And have had lung cancer for 22+ years. Shortly before my cancer, I lost my mom and then 6 months later my twin's daughter was murdered. Then a few years after that my twin died.
So I certainly understand your anger and I can't imagine the grief that you feel over the loss of so many immediate family members. I am truly sorry for your losses. I really believe that Ginger is right. Our lives have been upended and it's troubling to see all of the confusion and because of the lack of authority by people who can make good decisions and don't. Fear is prevalent because we have no direction accept to stay home, wear masks and stay 6' apart. We are afraid when this will end, what the future holds and what it will look at. People have lost jobs, money, and security. It's no wonder that people feel so much angst, and sometimes over the most minute things too! And sometimes people use words that truly don't define what they mean. You and your friend are right, it's not deep down terrible grief like that of family members dying but as you said, "fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty."
Again, my heartfelt condolences and I hope that you will find peace in the future.

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I've followed this thread for a few days now, debating whether to reply. For me, it's somewhat of a hot button. My friend, who is a psychology professor (certified in thanatology, the scientific study of death) and fellow bereaved parent, has been discussing the difference between grief and mourning. She's wondered if the feelings people have right now in relation to the pandemic are actual, profound grief or more accurately defined as fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty?
After experiencing compound traumatic grief of multiple losses in a 6 year period (my infant twins to extreme prematurity, my father & my husband both to cancer and my last living child to a rare and undiagnosed disease, plus the deaths of my 2 Great Danes,) I find it a little difficult to equate true profound grief with people complaining they can't get their favorite food or can't get their hair done or are forced to spend 24 hours a day with your spouse/partner & children.
I'm not dismissing someone else's feelings. I just wonder if the social isolation, distancing and stress of the pandemic might be causing some loss of perspective? As @gingerw said, "Our lives have been turned upside (down) recently." Yes, that is true. But for the most part, the majority of Americans will at some point be able to resume life with their families still around them. Family is a precious gift that I can never replace.
Thank you for reading my 2 cents on the subject. Everyone stay safe and remember to count the blessing you still have.

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Yes, Connect is a place where people can share their feelings, worries, concerns, vents, rants, etc. My earlier post was an opportunity to do just that.
We both have experienced multiple battles and losses. Thank you for your condolences. You have mine as well.

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I've followed this thread for a few days now, debating whether to reply. For me, it's somewhat of a hot button. My friend, who is a psychology professor (certified in thanatology, the scientific study of death) and fellow bereaved parent, has been discussing the difference between grief and mourning. She's wondered if the feelings people have right now in relation to the pandemic are actual, profound grief or more accurately defined as fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty?
After experiencing compound traumatic grief of multiple losses in a 6 year period (my infant twins to extreme prematurity, my father & my husband both to cancer and my last living child to a rare and undiagnosed disease, plus the deaths of my 2 Great Danes,) I find it a little difficult to equate true profound grief with people complaining they can't get their favorite food or can't get their hair done or are forced to spend 24 hours a day with your spouse/partner & children.
I'm not dismissing someone else's feelings. I just wonder if the social isolation, distancing and stress of the pandemic might be causing some loss of perspective? As @gingerw said, "Our lives have been turned upside (down) recently." Yes, that is true. But for the most part, the majority of Americans will at some point be able to resume life with their families still around them. Family is a precious gift that I can never replace.
Thank you for reading my 2 cents on the subject. Everyone stay safe and remember to count the blessing you still have.

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@team4travis- Thank you I did realize that. How long ago was your last loss? After my niece was killed I couldn't be around general chit chat or hear anyone complain about inconsequential things, as you have stated. I should have mentioned this. I couldn't put myself in their place for anything and I didn't try. I was so angry. I was just glad that my mom wasn't alive to witness the horrors of her death. Someone asked me how I kept going? I just did, one tiny step at a time, even if I was blinded with anger and that pain you get I still took those steps. It sounds as if you have too.

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@gingerw, I wonder at times if anything will ever be the same again. Being quiet and doing things on my own never bothered me before. But times have changed. Almost everything that I try to do involves an extreme level of effort and expertise.

As I write this, my oldest daughter is in an LTAC facility, following her six week stay in the hospital. My husband has been hospitalized since March 9th. Hopefully he will be released sometime next week.

When I shop for necessities, I wear a mask. I use hand sanitizer. Any packages I buy are "in quarantine" for 24 hours. I disinfect my shoes after a supply run. I wash my clothes and take a shower after going outside to a store.

When I speak with my family I have a pass code that I have to give the nurse before they can talk to me. My husband is being treated for depression, following his three surgeries. He has been through so much.

The anxiety that I feel from having to learn all these new protocols has left my head spinning. I pay my daughter's bills. And there is a certain protocol for that as well. So often you cannot speak with a real person. You never know if a business is open or not. So you have to call ahead and hope someone answers.

All this seems trivial to some, I am sure. But it is so much pressure on me, as I am rhe only one who can do any of these things. I dont like going out to take care of business, because I fear bringing back a virus. I want my home to be safe for my Grandson.

These are my fears. Mostly, though, I am ok. Oh, did I fail to mention that I cannot vist my loved ones? Nope. No visitors allowed.

Holding the fort,
Mamacita Jane

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