Finding a reason

Posted by santolina @santolina, Mar 10, 2020

So at a minute and a half from 69, I find I no longer look forward to anything....without boring everyone with a very long story, my husband and I were ripped off of our retirement funds, by former friends. So now close to 70 we are both having to work and hope that the current admins and possible new potus does not cut SS and Medicare. I no longer look forward to anything other than survival. I am not a happy person to be around and tried a couple of meds via my doctors but felt sick for months on both which made it difficult to work. I no longer want to try anymore meds. How does one find something to look forward to? How do you find joy anymore? I hope to get through an ugly commute each day to find my dog and husband both okay and that's it.I put on my game face to get through work but am exhausted at the end of it and just have nothing left anymore. Not a pleasant place. Not looking forward to anything anymore. Just survival and that does not seem enough most of the time.

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@santolina

Well, then. This made me cry....No, my sister had a random email or FB thing and forwarded it to me. IF I did not have to work life would be much easier. But when all you feel like is a paycheck to keep the household going, as my husband has medical issues that do not allow him to work as a full time plumber any longer, it is a requirement to keep going.

I think back on those fabulous creatures we apparently were both blessed to work with and smile. But there are no groups close to where I live that will work out because of my job and the random hours, shifts I get. Making a commitment to something like that is just not realistic, and not keeping my word is not something I can live with.

Some days are easier than others. The hard days oftentimes overwhelm but if I give in, my little family will be in some jeopardy and that is the chain that keeps me here. If they were not, I do not know if I would be. I SO appreciate this safe place.

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@santolina When people have asked me to name the favorite time of of my life, immediately I say, that time spent with animals, especially my horses. I worked 7 days a week, from 4AM to 8PM, or later. I learned so much, and received so much in return. I worked in all kinds of weather, from 110 degrees to below zero, rain, snow, mud, tornadoes. Like you, the horses came first, from who ate to who was taken care of. I understand where you come from, really I do. Now, although you hung your spurs up with the horses, I can read the same resolve.

Find something that matters to you, something that will let you focus even for a short time, on something positive. Can you volunteer to help with a reading program for kids that uses animals to talk to? Be gentle on yourself, give your time as you can. How about a rescue group of some kind [no, you cannot bring them all home! ;)) ]

A long time ago there was a saying that showed up, and is now on my bulletin board. "there is no strong light without shadow". You're worth finding that light.
Ginger

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@santolina

Thank you for your comments.....I keep coming up short due to age....and the meds really did very little, so I rather rely on just gutting it out for the time being. I do believe in a higher power and for what it is worth, I cannot put a name on "it" due to the fact that so many religions seem to be hell bent on control issues versus what I choose to believe in. Raised a Catholic...got really tired of the control issues there, looked into several other "religions" and found most of them coming from the same place so instead just look to Mother Nature, Allah, Buddha. whatever name one wants to put to "it". At this age, it seems very little matters anymore and I struggle with finding anything other than the tenacity to go make the paycheck. Seems so futile to work so that I can stay alive till I kick the bucket....but thank you, truly....trying to find my way in a world that seems so hell bent on hurt, power, greed. Having grown up in the sixties, what I see today breaks my heart and I do not want to be here much anymore.....

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You are here for a reason. There is no one exactly like you. Yes, there are, and always have been people who do evil things.

When the Nazis came to a prison cell to choose a victim. A priest said “Take me.”
I do not think I would have the courage to say that! I now say “Why me?” And then I look at my neighbors:

Cancer
Death of a spouse
Loss of job
Multiple handicaps
Car accident which left a neighbor disfigured

I taught children whose parents abused them. Why them? They were innocents who did nothing wrong.

Look for the good.

In helping others you help yourself. Can you find someone to help? can you find someone to help you?Talk to a minister, priest or a social worker(at a senior center).?

Please let me(us)know how you are doing. I am looking forward to hearing what you chose to do.
We ALL need someone to listen to us.
We all need help at some time in our lives.

Someone is waiting for you to help them.

Helen

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I KNOW fortunate I am compared to most of the world. I have a safe place to live,a job, and 3 wonderful sisters. I did try to find a therapist but everyone that my insurance would pay for was not taking medicare patients and I cannot afford the cost any other way. Talking with a priest or minister is probably not the best idea for someone who is against organized religion. I did not find any religion that satisfied me, but I do pray every day on the way to work. My commute can be challenging and sometimes it takes an hour and a half to just go 38 miles, so that is how I use my time many days. I figure it cannot hurt to ask for some kind of sign that I need to stay, other than the ones I mentioned already. I am so tired after 12 hour days that I do not have much left when I get home and a day off here and there is always spent getting necessaries done. Again, thank you for this place and all the kindness here.

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@santolina

I KNOW fortunate I am compared to most of the world. I have a safe place to live,a job, and 3 wonderful sisters. I did try to find a therapist but everyone that my insurance would pay for was not taking medicare patients and I cannot afford the cost any other way. Talking with a priest or minister is probably not the best idea for someone who is against organized religion. I did not find any religion that satisfied me, but I do pray every day on the way to work. My commute can be challenging and sometimes it takes an hour and a half to just go 38 miles, so that is how I use my time many days. I figure it cannot hurt to ask for some kind of sign that I need to stay, other than the ones I mentioned already. I am so tired after 12 hour days that I do not have much left when I get home and a day off here and there is always spent getting necessaries done. Again, thank you for this place and all the kindness here.

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@santolina It has been a few days, and I wanted to check in on you, ask how you are doing? Are you working from home these days, like so many of us are? Please let me know how you are doing, okay? I care, as do so many others.
Ginger

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Hello. It has been a challenging week just like for everyone else. I do not want to whine when so many are affected. Because of my age I am "mandated" to stay home. My company has not yet offered sick pay to part time employees and had to cancel both my husband's eye surgery and my only trip for the year with my sisters. Needless to say have been pretty frustrated with life but SO many are SO worse off that complaining is just not acceptable to me in my case. I do not know if our store is going to close and was just told by management we are on reduced hours and a day by day existence. I am hoping my company will give us sick leave. Life is just stupid.

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@gingerw

@santolina It has been a few days, and I wanted to check in on you, ask how you are doing? Are you working from home these days, like so many of us are? Please let me know how you are doing, okay? I care, as do so many others.
Ginger

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Well then. I am truly blessed as my company sent me a check in a matter of a few days which SO helped relieve my stress level this week. And, I had the opportunity, since I am home, to help my little community via our local food bank yesterday, mindful of the 6 foot rule, gloves and mask while I was assisting bagging up groceries. The normal amount given weekley is about 50 - 55. Yesterday it was 88...and the influx can only be due to folks not being able to work, seniors who cannot and should not go out. It gave me more than I gave them. I am going to try, after this nonsense is over, to do this on a weekly basis. To see so many on our little island struggling and to see the generosity of our grocery stores, the members of our little local church caring so much lifted my spirits. I cannot thank all here enough for the wise advice, care and compassion. I truly do not think I would have gotten through such a rough spot without all of you. May the Universe shine on all of you here. I feel better than I have in months.

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@santolina

Well then. I am truly blessed as my company sent me a check in a matter of a few days which SO helped relieve my stress level this week. And, I had the opportunity, since I am home, to help my little community via our local food bank yesterday, mindful of the 6 foot rule, gloves and mask while I was assisting bagging up groceries. The normal amount given weekley is about 50 - 55. Yesterday it was 88...and the influx can only be due to folks not being able to work, seniors who cannot and should not go out. It gave me more than I gave them. I am going to try, after this nonsense is over, to do this on a weekly basis. To see so many on our little island struggling and to see the generosity of our grocery stores, the members of our little local church caring so much lifted my spirits. I cannot thank all here enough for the wise advice, care and compassion. I truly do not think I would have gotten through such a rough spot without all of you. May the Universe shine on all of you here. I feel better than I have in months.

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@santolina Believe it or not, I am feeling chills and goose-bumps as I write this to you. I was just going to pull up your last post, to see how you are doing! Isn't is always amazing and uplifting to get these unexpected surprises like this? I sincerely hope that your company recognizes how lucky they are to have you, and that this situation will be relieved soon. Being able to be of some sort of service to others can uplift our own spirits. You said it best, how seeing everyone pulling together shows there are those who truly do care. Pat yourself on the back, and realize you are a part of that sense of community!
Ginger

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@santolina

Well then. I am truly blessed as my company sent me a check in a matter of a few days which SO helped relieve my stress level this week. And, I had the opportunity, since I am home, to help my little community via our local food bank yesterday, mindful of the 6 foot rule, gloves and mask while I was assisting bagging up groceries. The normal amount given weekley is about 50 - 55. Yesterday it was 88...and the influx can only be due to folks not being able to work, seniors who cannot and should not go out. It gave me more than I gave them. I am going to try, after this nonsense is over, to do this on a weekly basis. To see so many on our little island struggling and to see the generosity of our grocery stores, the members of our little local church caring so much lifted my spirits. I cannot thank all here enough for the wise advice, care and compassion. I truly do not think I would have gotten through such a rough spot without all of you. May the Universe shine on all of you here. I feel better than I have in months.

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Thank you for sharing such great and uplifting news. You have been my prayers and your message is a true blessing and answer.
Continue to wish you well. Your uplifted spirit surely raised mine.

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@santolina

Well then. I am truly blessed as my company sent me a check in a matter of a few days which SO helped relieve my stress level this week. And, I had the opportunity, since I am home, to help my little community via our local food bank yesterday, mindful of the 6 foot rule, gloves and mask while I was assisting bagging up groceries. The normal amount given weekley is about 50 - 55. Yesterday it was 88...and the influx can only be due to folks not being able to work, seniors who cannot and should not go out. It gave me more than I gave them. I am going to try, after this nonsense is over, to do this on a weekly basis. To see so many on our little island struggling and to see the generosity of our grocery stores, the members of our little local church caring so much lifted my spirits. I cannot thank all here enough for the wise advice, care and compassion. I truly do not think I would have gotten through such a rough spot without all of you. May the Universe shine on all of you here. I feel better than I have in months.

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@santolina - Great to hear how you plugged yourself into your local community! It always helps me when I step out and help others.
Thank you for your encouraging story! We get so much out of helping others and I thought it was very cool to hear you say that you will try to continue on supporting this effort with your time even after you return to work! This is a Win/Win for all involved!
Jim@thankful

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I just turned 70, quarantined with a sometimes "grumpy" older husband, and life could sometimes be a bore IF, IF, IF, it were not for my personal relationship with Jesus. If you are not there yet, please consider starting by reading the book of John. If you are a Christian, spend time in the Bible and prayer every day. It will change your life here and prepare you for life eternal.

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