I'm so sorry it took me a while to respond… it was no disrespect for any of you, and thank you for the helpful advice.
It's been rough these past few weeks, and he's on the mend from the falling issues (broke an elbow), but I'm still not comfortable letting him go back home just yet, although I know he's aching for it. I try to keep things on tangible tasks we can move toward. You want to live more independently? ok great, I will help you get there. Prove to me you can take initiative on tasks like making your bed or taking out the trash for example. It's a hard thing right now when we don't have the support of his side of the family (divorced and don't know the whole picture, but we went through this whole thing where they wanted him to sign paperwork against his will at first) . On the other side of the family, my friends and family have been really stepping up and helping out with simple things like cleaning and prepping meals and whatnot. It's enormous how much that helps. I have a new job and then this whole pandemic thing happened and it makes me even more worried for him because while he's doing better right now, he's not all the way there. I know he's itching to get back to his normal routine but I don't think he realizes what that will look like.
And the two of us are both at risk — I even landed myself in the hospital during this for stress-related stomach and nourishment issues.
My hope is moving forward we can take one step at a time and he can get comfortable with what is now in front of him and what his new reality looks like. we have dr appts in the following weeks, so I will try to keep you all posted as much as I can. just please know I wasn't trying to disrespect any of your stories and helpful advice for being so late to getting back to you all.
and as far as his type of cancer, that's his story to tell right now but it's a rare type if that helps. there's not much research on it yet, but he's been a part of a few successful trials and I think that gives him some sort of "giving back" hope, even if this might end up ending poorly. (his mindset) In my mind, I got 20+ more years with my dad and we're hoping for another few decades so he can see the rest of what life has to offer.
Thanks everyone for the advice,