← Return to Anniversary of my hospital stay/ Pregnant in the ICU

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I would say that I feel haunted by the whole experience, which makes me feel lonely because no one else saw the things I did. I hallucinated entire relationships with the nurses and staff, none of it was real. Instead of feeling like a dream that fades away, they feel like memories with no one to share them because it was all in my head. I have anxiety and have had a few breakdowns this month where I will just end up crying and yelling while memories pass through my mind. It is very stressful. I am planning my Son's first birthday, which is also my 39th birthday and the anniversary of my intubation. I want to celebrate and have fun with him, but another part of me wants to avoid the whole day so preparing for the party has been difficult. I have some people helping me though and I think everything will be fall into place and we will have a good day. The anticipation is probably worse than anything. I have a hard time connecting with people because I feel they don't understand or want to hear my truth. people try to gloss over it and I just retreat. I am thankful to be able to get these feelings out.

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Replies to "I would say that I feel haunted by the whole experience, which makes me feel lonely..."

@cinditree I am so happy you found this space where you can share your story. You are definitely not alone! What you experienced was very traumatic and what you are dealing with in the aftermath of it all is very normal. Many people who have been so sick experience hallucinations. Sometimes these hallucinations are very difficult to move past. I am going to tag @kariulrich and @jslate as well to this post as they have both shared similar experiences with us. You may want to check out their thread here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/nightmares-hallucinations/