Hi Cindi, welcome. I'm so glad that you found Mayo Clinic Connect. This is certainly a place where you can talk openly about your feelings and experiences, and your reality. I'm tagging @jslate@amandacgrow and @kristap31 on this discussion. They, too, know what it is like to remember the traumatic events of ICU and how anniversaries are rough.
I simply can't imagine what you went through then and how this past year has been, caring for a newborn, and mourning what didn't go as planned and you had imagined things would be. You probably want to be grateful for your son, your life, etc. as your family and friends suggest you should, but that is not the emotion that you are feeling right now. Might it be helpful to tell us more about how you're feeling today?