I'm not sure if the people who were kind enough to respond to my original message have received any further messages from me or not. But thank you all it was helpful. I got a brief tutorial from my son on how to reply to messages here so hopefully they go through. I don't mind sharing my diagnosis from the Oncologist which is Smoldering Myeloma likely to develope into Multiple Myeloma. I'm 10 years younger than the average age for that disease.
What has got me so depressed/stressed is I'm not coping well with all these stressors at once:1) Health, 2) my oldest son is a homeless Heroin addict which absolutely breaks my heart– I did not see that one coming. I even had to do chest compressions in my home until Medics arrived after yet another OD, it is impossible to let go of that vision of him, 3) I have been working with an attorney trying to settle back taxes the last two years and still have a lien on my home, 4) My 82 year old mom is in failing health and I feel enormous guilt not being there for her enough because I can not get myself together.
5) This one is the most difficult of all– I'm seen at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance every 6 months for progression and when I explained how badly I struggle with anxiety to Dr Martin ( Oncologist) he referred me to behavioral health within SCCA. The Psychiatrists told me to take a year long DBT class that is ALL that they offered. They actually said No to a Social Worker, Psychologist and a Psychiatrist. Take a DBT class in downtown Seattle and I'm not even Borderline Personality. These are University Of Washington Behavioral Health Doctors and have really crossed a line when they denied me access to people who might be able to help and I fully intend to continue working with the Attorney and challenge them.
Before I end this letter I do want to mention that I ended up in the hospital 9/27–10/6 and was feeling somewhat better. Now I'm feeling very down again and am considering ECT which I had back in 2004 and promised myself a long time ago I would never do again because of memory loss. Antidepressants do not work for me.
My best chance I have to live out my life is to make an appointment at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester and see what they have to offer. I have lived in Seattle all my life and this place really has little to offer anymore.