@minneapolis123 . Thank you for connecting to this supportive and welcoming forum. You've already been encouraged to please reach out to your hospital emergency room or make a crisis call to the national suicide prevention line. The only thing different I have to say is that my words are from a mother who lost her son to suicide. I encouraged my son to seek help when he told me his plan. I even sent him the help, which he refused. When pain is that searing and you see no options, that's the time to ask for help, which you are doing through your sharing in this forum. I, myself, checked myself into a hospital when I went through what you're experiencing. There just comes a point where you put yourself in the hands of caring others, friend, doctor, and sometimes even a caring stranger you talk to on a crisis call. I had to make the choice to live it die. I am here to tell you that you can do it. You are up to the task. And all of us are with you. Blessings.