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Teresa, Volunteer Mentor (@hopeful33250)

Loss: What Do You Do When There is No Closure?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: Aug 17, 2019 | Replies (16)

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@ihtak46

This is my recent story….
It is also on the Grief and Loss site.

Recent, totally sudden, traumatic loss of our daughter, 45.
Posted by ihtak46 @ihtak46, 5 days ago

I just returned from our girls week at 8pm on June 2 and talked to my husband about what fun our daughter and I had that week. Every year I visit her for girls week. At 6:15am that very next morning our son in law called us. We immediately, in shock packed and drove to Ohio ( we live in SC). Our daughter didnt make it to the hospital. I still cant believe shes gone. We are lost, empty and feel its all surreal.
Our daughter was generally fine, however she was taking Tamoxifin which has several bad side effects, worse of which is blood clots, which is what happened.
She was taking it for a year and her doctor only saw her twice. She also had other side effects, etc. I will write more later. We need help dealing. She was our only sweet child, a teacher and LOVED by everyone. She was amazing and was involved in many charities, projects, always giving, loving, helped everyone with anything, kind, people loved her.
We cant deal with this well; cant believe shes gone. We have no family here in SC (Hilton Head area). Not many friends ( they all work, we are retired) so its tough. Her school had a beautiful tribute to her by having a concert, a parade and candle-prayer Virgil. Hundreds of cards were received by us when we came home. I miss my sweet daughter so bad. We cry every day, just sick! Please help. My friend, Terri Martin who also belongs to Mayo Clinic Connect suggested I seek help with Mayo Clinic. Terri is wonderful!
Thank you.
Our daughter just “celebrated”
(July 28) her 15th Wedding Anniversary in Heaven. Yesterday, Aug 1 was her 46th birthday. Help!

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Replies to "This is my recent story.... It is also on the Grief and Loss site. Recent, totally..."

So very sorry for you and your family. Praying you will find comfort and peace. A blessing to have been so close to her. Good memories to have. Also to know you will be reunited in Heaven some day with her for eternity. God bless you

I am so sorry for your loss. It stands to reason that you would have such major grief losing a daughter who was so close to you. The fact that her death was so unexpected has compounded the difficulty of accepting the reality. This is still fresh and painful in a way only time can address. Have you learned of any grief groups in your area? How do you feel about grief counseling? While it would be helpful and meaningful to have friends at times like this, even that sometimes isn't enough. It is encouraging that you are able to reach out for help, because there is help available for you. Specialists can help you identify your own particular needs, and those things that are most possible to help you going forward. Do not hesitate to see your primary care physician. In addition to helping you make healthy choices, you may find that perhaps medication will help you maximize your efforts to care for yourself. Sometimes our thinking doesn't even make sense, as wanting the pain to stop, yet not wanting that at the same time. I once thought the pain of loss was what helped me maintain my memories. Not true, but at one moment it made all the sense in the world. Good luck to you in finding what you need, Know there just isn't a "normal grief" path where one size fits all. And remember how you have recovered from grief in your past, for this is the same in that respect. You will be okay. Not the same, but okay. Please be gentle with yourself as you find your best path. Thank you for trusting yourself and the Connect community. Will you let us know how you are doing as you find your way?
Nancy

My thoughts and heart are with you and your husband.

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