1. < Mental Health

~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I'm 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I'm just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don't have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there's not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there's enough), and my son sends me money each month. I'm sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I'm thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I'd have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they're all on line now), and legally they're not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college .... well, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I'm so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

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Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | Apr 25, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another - about 4 hours away - to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ..... a big mistake. I see my girls once a week - I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives - live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job - for over 2 months, but at age 75 - well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working - part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ..... this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it .... they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ..... young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids - and I do mean kids .... some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark - EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist - in my old city - once a month ..... but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

Jump to this post

Hi, @amberpep - just wanted to let you know that I moved your update to this discussion you'd started previously, "~ Depressed and scared ~" so that all those who were talking with you before, like @crissdawn @georgette12 @parus @karen00 @dianrib @1mountaingirl86 @becsbuddy and others, would get your update and could chime in with their greetings and any input.

How are things with the Bipolar 2, @amberpep? Are you noticing any symptoms lately? Are you waiting on a response right now from Chick-Fil-A, or what is the current status on that potential job?

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Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Apr 25, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another - about 4 hours away - to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ..... a big mistake. I see my girls once a week - I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives - live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job - for over 2 months, but at age 75 - well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working - part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ..... this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it .... they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ..... young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids - and I do mean kids .... some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark - EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist - in my old city - once a month ..... but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep oh, oh, oh, I bumped something and lost the whole message I had typed for you!
I’m so sorry that this move has been so difficult for you. Moving is never easy as you always have to start over! You might try a few things: find a local Council on Aging—they have counselors who can help with all sorts of things. Also, the Senior Center in your town will have resources. The one here has housing specialists who may have suggestions on alternative housing, especially if you don’t feel safe where you are. Check into Meals on Wheels—they do meals on a sliding scale ($5) and sometimes free. Your town or local churches probably have food banks/pantry which you can qualify for.
You son helps you: would he be willing to talk with your daughters? After all, you made the move to VA for them.
I really feel for you, moving is hard! I’ve moved 14-15 times in my marriage and it never got any easier! Let us know how it works out for you. Becky

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Apr 26, 2019

Depression is scary no matter where one lives. Sometimes there are no answers, no magic pills, no one to fix things. The loneliness and lack of sufficient finances can be scary and overwhelming. Growing old is scary. Life is scary.

REPLY
dianrib | @dianrib | Apr 26, 2019

very true but this is the hand we were dealt. I am grateful for 46 great yrs with my hubby till he died of cancer. / was with him till the end. Then all went down the toilet , daughter had a stroke, son is struggling, grand kid not well , having health problems, Meds are so expensive ! . I take one day at a time. I pray for my grand kids & family daily.. Millions of innocent kids suffer each day so why should my prayer be NOTICED .? I am scared, jaded, worried about my family ,money and how they will do when I'm gone. I am 76. Life e seemed to fly by . Think of my sweetie every day. One love of my life. Most do not have Golden years . Lucky ones have health, love and enough cash to live . My hubby worked since he was 15 But in the end His pension was CUT by Continental Can when plant shut down in 88 . Just shy of his time for a bigger pension I am sure CO planned it that way Each worker lost thousands . USA must treat its people much better Billionaires do NOT need tax cuts. Soldiers need to come home . Best to ALL

REPLY
dianrib | @dianrib | Apr 26, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another - about 4 hours away - to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ..... a big mistake. I see my girls once a week - I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives - live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job - for over 2 months, but at age 75 - well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working - part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ..... this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it .... they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ..... young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids - and I do mean kids .... some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark - EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist - in my old city - once a month ..... but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

Jump to this post

so sorry about your situation. Wishing you better time as well as part time job may take your mind off some of your problems.

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Apr 26, 2019

Just found out our rent is going up next month quite a substantial amount. There's going to be a lot of people fleeing, probably in the middle of the night, so no one will know at the office - then they'll never be heard from again. I think a large part of my distress is the up and down of this bipolar 2. I take Lamictal, but between that and my knee replacement, I can have problems with balance. I've fallen several times, so I got one of those Greatcall things to wear around my neck .... ugly thick black cord. So, I took that off and have it on a sort of heavy silver chain and when I'm out, it is UNDER my shirt, rather than on top of it. And, my BP runs about 90/60 in the AM, rarely going beyond 110 during the day. That contributes to all this too. All in all, it was a mistake to move down here ..... I guess a big piece is my X is a real thorn in my side. Just having him that closeby gauls me. I wish I'd have known that before making the move.
abby

REPLY
1 reply
Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | May 1, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Just found out our rent is going up next month quite a substantial amount. There's going..." + (show)
@amberpep

Just found out our rent is going up next month quite a substantial amount. There's going to be a lot of people fleeing, probably in the middle of the night, so no one will know at the office - then they'll never be heard from again. I think a large part of my distress is the up and down of this bipolar 2. I take Lamictal, but between that and my knee replacement, I can have problems with balance. I've fallen several times, so I got one of those Greatcall things to wear around my neck .... ugly thick black cord. So, I took that off and have it on a sort of heavy silver chain and when I'm out, it is UNDER my shirt, rather than on top of it. And, my BP runs about 90/60 in the AM, rarely going beyond 110 during the day. That contributes to all this too. All in all, it was a mistake to move down here ..... I guess a big piece is my X is a real thorn in my side. Just having him that closeby gauls me. I wish I'd have known that before making the move.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep - when you are having symptoms that are distressing and you think are part of the ups and downs of bipolar 2, you might post about that in particular in this Connect thread on that topic https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/bi-polar-issues.

That is frustrating about the large rent increase. Are you planning to stay?

REPLY
1 reply
Parus | @parus | May 1, 2019
In reply to @lisalucier "@amberpep - when you are having symptoms that are distressing and you think are part of..." + (show)
@lisalucier

@amberpep - when you are having symptoms that are distressing and you think are part of the ups and downs of bipolar 2, you might post about that in particular in this Connect thread on that topic https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/bi-polar-issues.

That is frustrating about the large rent increase. Are you planning to stay?

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@lisalucier The rent increases are everywhere. Many of these lower income housing communities are older and due to repairs needed this is taking place. It is the same even if one lives in a condo or owns their own home. It is frustrating. I have always been frugal and it is still a challenge. I can say the apartment complex I live in does keep up with maintenance and repairs in a timely fashion. Anyone vanishing in the night thinking they will be getting into another apartment complex easily may have a surprise coming. It becomes a part of their history. It does happen. These folks may think they are being clever. Most renters ask for references. They won't get a way with it continually.
I do agree it is frustrating. It is an adjustment for nearly everyone. We cannot beat the system. We can only do our best to work with it. Not always easy.

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Barb | @amberpep | May 7, 2019

I saw my Psychiatrist last week and he upped my Lamictal to 150 mg. I'm glad, but I've come to the conclusion that with this Bipolar 2, it's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with. Mine is heavy on the depression and the manic side is just "flat" ..... rarely about "up."
And, I've come to the decision that except for special events like Christmas, and my grandchildren's birthday, I'm not going to go to any other family functions. It's just plain stupid to go to them and have to watch "the man" put on his wonderful act. Both my Psychiatrist and Psychologist have told me repeatedly that it was not good for me to have moved down here, so close to my X. Well, now what am I to do about it? I'm here and I'll have to stay here. With my S.S. being what it is, I just make it to the end of the month, so moving again is out of the question, plus my girls would really hate it .... I'm blessed that they really enjoy being with me. So, I'll plug along, and just figure that this is where I'm supposed to be ..... I just wish I'd have known how closely he lived. I was thinking maybe 30-40 miles, not 15!
abby

REPLY
1 reply
Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | May 15, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "I saw my Psychiatrist last week and he upped my Lamictal to 150 mg. I'm glad,..." + (show)
@amberpep

I saw my Psychiatrist last week and he upped my Lamictal to 150 mg. I'm glad, but I've come to the conclusion that with this Bipolar 2, it's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with. Mine is heavy on the depression and the manic side is just "flat" ..... rarely about "up."
And, I've come to the decision that except for special events like Christmas, and my grandchildren's birthday, I'm not going to go to any other family functions. It's just plain stupid to go to them and have to watch "the man" put on his wonderful act. Both my Psychiatrist and Psychologist have told me repeatedly that it was not good for me to have moved down here, so close to my X. Well, now what am I to do about it? I'm here and I'll have to stay here. With my S.S. being what it is, I just make it to the end of the month, so moving again is out of the question, plus my girls would really hate it .... I'm blessed that they really enjoy being with me. So, I'll plug along, and just figure that this is where I'm supposed to be ..... I just wish I'd have known how closely he lived. I was thinking maybe 30-40 miles, not 15!
abby

Jump to this post

Hi, @amberpep - thinking of you. Just wanted to check in and see how it's going with the increased dose of lamotrigine (Lamictal) your psychiatrist prescribed?

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