1. < Depression & Anxiety

Anxiety and Depression: I just want to feel normal again.

Posted by tmf0 @tmf0, Nov 24, 2018

For the last 10 weeks my anxiety and depression have been at a level that I’ve never experienced. My life has completely changed in such a short period of time. I am constantly nauseated, I hardly get out of bed, I have no desire to see or speak to anyone, my mind is continuously spinning with irrational thoughts, I even canceled Thanksgiving and I can go on & on. I just dont know how anyone can live like this. I’m not living but merely existing. It’s a battle every minute of every day. I just want to feel normal again.

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lioness | @lioness | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @parus "I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the..." + (show)
@parus

I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the more I begin to wonder if there are any success stories? Mostly what I have been reading is others wanting to stop antidepressants and anti anxiety medications that have caused more harm than good.
I know these type of medications were not for me as the depression I experience is drug resistant. I have had shock treatments and would not do thus again. Anti anxiety medications did help make life easier. They are no longer recommended for various reasons.
When it comes to depression and anxiety I find I am chasing my own tail. I eat healthy, I have my own exercise routine which isn't good enough for the ortho doc so was sent to PT and now have been down and unable to do what I was doing. I have failed again.
I see these people that don't take care of themselves getting help and I can't because I do try!
I get myself stabilized only to end up feeling worse for asking for options with pain management. Apparently there are no options.
Of course my anxiety and depression are worse and it is up to me to fix it again.
I am exhausted. I tell myself the fibromyalgia is all in my head too. I know not to even mention it.

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@parus Don't even think that fibro is in your head it is a real disease even though most Dr.s don't think so l The P.T. I had started mine to go awry ? You know if your trigger points are touched and you go through the roof . Your rheumatologist is your safest Dr. for fibro . All those fibro meds didn't help me at all so you have to do your own research and see what works for you as Dr.,s really don't know . Be your own advocate you know your body better then anyone ,don't listen to the nay sayers they are not in your shoes. You are a wonderful caring person but you need to be kind to yourself and cant do it all . Its just something we all have to accept. I know P.T. stirs up my fibro so I tell the therapist I cant do something. I really don't care if they don't like it Its my body not theres . So just know yourselve and do what helps you . Don't worry about what others say .

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1 reply
Parus | @parus | Mar 11, 2019

Physical pain has my mind clouded. I keep trying and end up feeling guilty because I failed again. The doctor wants me back in PT. I canceled. The terror of going back was too much. I left in tears having failed in getting help again. I was too filled with fear of seeing that PT therapist again. I have a very arthritic neck that cannot tolerate the stress the therapist was putting on my neck and the ortho doc wanted me to go back!! Are these therapists not informed about the condition of the patient prior to treating the patient?? I am not brave enough to be hurt like that again!! The 1st one was helping and I was optimistic. It will take me sometime to get my pain under tolerable control again. Forget asking for help!!

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1 reply
Parus | @parus | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@parus- Good morning. I think that you might be feeling overwhelmed right now. Pain has a..." + (show)
@merpreb

@parus- Good morning. I think that you might be feeling overwhelmed right now. Pain has a way of telling us that we'll never be without feeling well. And sometimes that does happen. But can you honestly say that you haven't improved at all since you've been on here? @secretwhitepop has made a great point. A lot of people do not stay with Connect after they feel well. It would certainly be better if they did hang around.
As you know I have always felt like a failure and no matter what was my "fault" or not, I was blamed or blamed myself, even as an adult. I remember I was getting back into the car with my mom, after a luncheon thingie, and went to start the car and the brake pedal just went straight to the floor. It was broken. My mom gave me that eye look that blamed me, even if she was told that I couldn't have broken it. It turned out that a cable had broken. But she never ever apologized. It was such an emotional thing for me that it clouded my mind into avoiding reality. The reality being that I wasn't to blame. "What the hell, what are you talking about mom? How did I do this? Come on." I put so much energy into feeling guilty and shame and that I was a failure that I couldn't see the road ahead. I was sabotaging my own efforts. It was a vicious circle.
I'm still very tough on myself, which makes me pay more attention to details and helps me excel, so something positive came out of it. Don't you think that it's time for you? Break this cycle. You aren't failing @parus, you are telling yourself that you have. But it's not real, because you haven't.

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@merpreb I had been staying here at connect because I was improving. I had stopped posting as much because I wanted to be encouraging and not back in the same dark hole again. People can and do get better. I am sorry to have failed again. It helps no one to see someone progress and be unable to maintain.

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Parus | @parus | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @lioness "@parus Don't even think that fibro is in your head it is a real disease even..." + (show)
@lioness

@parus Don't even think that fibro is in your head it is a real disease even though most Dr.s don't think so l The P.T. I had started mine to go awry ? You know if your trigger points are touched and you go through the roof . Your rheumatologist is your safest Dr. for fibro . All those fibro meds didn't help me at all so you have to do your own research and see what works for you as Dr.,s really don't know . Be your own advocate you know your body better then anyone ,don't listen to the nay sayers they are not in your shoes. You are a wonderful caring person but you need to be kind to yourself and cant do it all . Its just something we all have to accept. I know P.T. stirs up my fibro so I tell the therapist I cant do something. I really don't care if they don't like it Its my body not theres . So just know yourselve and do what helps you . Don't worry about what others say .

Jump to this post

@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even mention fibro. I have never seen a rheumatologist as the fibro mess we’re terrible for me. I was even told I don’t have fibromyalgia because the meds didn’t help.

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Merry, Volunteer Mentor | @merpreb | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @parus "Physical pain has my mind clouded. I keep trying and end up feeling guilty because I..." + (show)
@parus

Physical pain has my mind clouded. I keep trying and end up feeling guilty because I failed again. The doctor wants me back in PT. I canceled. The terror of going back was too much. I left in tears having failed in getting help again. I was too filled with fear of seeing that PT therapist again. I have a very arthritic neck that cannot tolerate the stress the therapist was putting on my neck and the ortho doc wanted me to go back!! Are these therapists not informed about the condition of the patient prior to treating the patient?? I am not brave enough to be hurt like that again!! The 1st one was helping and I was optimistic. It will take me sometime to get my pain under tolerable control again. Forget asking for help!!

Jump to this post

@parus- I don't understand this either. It sounds counterproductive. By the way you are not a failure. Please understand this! Not wanting to endure physical pain is smart, protecting. It's the opposite of failure and guilt.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @parus "I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the..." + (show)
@parus

I have been a member here at connect for a while. The more I read the more I begin to wonder if there are any success stories? Mostly what I have been reading is others wanting to stop antidepressants and anti anxiety medications that have caused more harm than good.
I know these type of medications were not for me as the depression I experience is drug resistant. I have had shock treatments and would not do thus again. Anti anxiety medications did help make life easier. They are no longer recommended for various reasons.
When it comes to depression and anxiety I find I am chasing my own tail. I eat healthy, I have my own exercise routine which isn't good enough for the ortho doc so was sent to PT and now have been down and unable to do what I was doing. I have failed again.
I see these people that don't take care of themselves getting help and I can't because I do try!
I get myself stabilized only to end up feeling worse for asking for options with pain management. Apparently there are no options.
Of course my anxiety and depression are worse and it is up to me to fix it again.
I am exhausted. I tell myself the fibromyalgia is all in my head too. I know not to even mention it.

Jump to this post

@parus We cannot be on top of our game every day. Some days definitely feel bad, others feel good, and if you were to lay them out side-by-side , they'd look the same. So, what makes the difference? At times, something we have no control over. The weather, be it hot/cold/rainy/windy, etc. Or who is around you/what they might be feeling and how their actions are affected by that. Or where we are physically, as in a social setting/at home/in nature. I don't think that it is easy any day. And it's something that I myself have to work on everyday. It's been said that I simply take things too seriously, that I never smile enough, and all I can think of is if you knew the discomfort I felt right now, if you understood the pain that I'm feeling right now whether it is physical or emotional you might not say that. But so many times we put a front on even to ourselves! Please hang in there and know that you have so many people thinking about you!
Ginger

REPLY
lioness | @lioness | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @parus "@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even..." + (show)
@parus

@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even mention fibro. I have never seen a rheumatologist as the fibro mess we’re terrible for me. I was even told I don’t have fibromyalgia because the meds didn’t help.

Jump to this post

@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it ,Savella didn't help Lyrica so so That's when I went on the fibro network Google it There is alot of new information about fibro You have to do your own research Drs.havent believed us and still don't In the long run it is up to us ,we know how we react to meds ,please do your own research so you can get relieve from the pain Bless you Parus I'm pulling for you

REPLY
2 replies
lioness | @lioness | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @parus "@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even..." + (show)
@parus

@lioness Thanks. Not I don’t feel so guilty for canceling PT. I know not to even mention fibro. I have never seen a rheumatologist as the fibro mess we’re terrible for me. I was even told I don’t have fibromyalgia because the meds didn’t help.

Jump to this post

@parus Hi I didn't get to add a website for into https://www.WebMD / fibro group

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Mar 11, 2019
In reply to @lioness "@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it..." + (show)
@lioness

@parus The rheumatologist I saw gave me Cymbalta made me crazy I lost groceries from it ,Savella didn't help Lyrica so so That's when I went on the fibro network Google it There is alot of new information about fibro You have to do your own research Drs.havent believed us and still don't In the long run it is up to us ,we know how we react to meds ,please do your own research so you can get relieve from the pain Bless you Parus I'm pulling for you

Jump to this post

@lioness I don’t know why some meds mess with me like they do. I have had antidepressants and fibromyalgia medications that made me mean and I was pleased with myself for being hurtful to others, I was hearing my television telling me to do things-now that just ain’t right! Glad I did cancel the PT. Anxiety is improving. I have also done a lot of research on ways to tame the fibromyalgia symptoms and flares. I feel so foolish and weak at times. I know this is why I don’t socialize. Tomorrow will be better.

REPLY
lioness | @lioness | Mar 11, 2019

@parus Yes as the song goes one day at a time ,you live and n the present only let the past stay where it is just so look forward to a better day

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