@parus– Good morning. I think that you might be feeling overwhelmed right now. Pain has a way of telling us that we'll never be without feeling well. And sometimes that does happen. But can you honestly say that you haven't improved at all since you've been on here? @secretwhitepop has made a great point. A lot of people do not stay with Connect after they feel well. It would certainly be better if they did hang around.
As you know I have always felt like a failure and no matter what was my "fault" or not, I was blamed or blamed myself, even as an adult. I remember I was getting back into the car with my mom, after a luncheon thingie, and went to start the car and the brake pedal just went straight to the floor. It was broken. My mom gave me that eye look that blamed me, even if she was told that I couldn't have broken it. It turned out that a cable had broken. But she never ever apologized. It was such an emotional thing for me that it clouded my mind into avoiding reality. The reality being that I wasn't to blame. "What the hell, what are you talking about mom? How did I do this? Come on." I put so much energy into feeling guilty and shame and that I was a failure that I couldn't see the road ahead. I was sabotaging my own efforts. It was a vicious circle.
I'm still very tough on myself, which makes me pay more attention to details and helps me excel, so something positive came out of it. Don't you think that it's time for you? Break this cycle. You aren't failing @parus, you are telling yourself that you have. But it's not real, because you haven't.