Hi everyone. I have been having a very bad day..few days ago I almost felt like I was better I was able to do things. No it like my mind is telling me body to do things and my body is not responding..I have had no appetite whole day and the thought of eating make me feel nauseous. I wish I had someone living with me who would understand this mixed connective tissue disease and just cook for me. Because when I do manage to make food I’m so tired and I can even swallow it because it hurt sooo much that I can’t even explain the feeling. It’s like my throat just become to narrow or something and nothing goes in.. when I do manage to forse eating and flush it down with water with each bit.. well then few minutes later I gag it all out and I’m all empty again. What I don’t understand is how did I get from 68kg to 81kg sooo fast with all the vomiting and being sick. I cry of pain as the pain pills don’t help. My appointment for rheumatologist is only 14 November and till then I have to raise my kids feed them and my brothers wedding on 6 October where I have to travel for it. How will I fit in my clothes if I keep gaining and how will I feel and look with all the vomiting and pain and being so fatigued. I eat very healthy and no junk food. I also feel like I’m having some emotional break down. I have no support. My parents.. well I’m not even sure I can call them parents as my whole life they were mostly absent. They don’t even bother to find out how I’m doing. Instead they still try to take more from me.. my husband shame tries to help but he don’t know anything about this. And he is working all the time so we can have enough money for my doctors and meds. My kids are just to small for me to expect them to understand what is happening to their mommy. I have no friends or well I had one but when I was knocked down in bed full for few days and couldn’t make it to her kids birthday party and called her to tell her that I was diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disease so I’m to sick. Then she stopped talking to me.. wow what a friend. I really hope to make a friend here who is going thru the same as me. Because even thou I can’t help myself or others much I’m a good listener and I try to give my best advice.

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