@horselover7216 I read through your post and you are on a lot of drugs including morphine. I'm not a medical professional, but I had some experience with my mom in the hospital after she broke her pelvis, and they were giving her morphine and she was getting overdosed. When the next nursing shift came in they dosed her again without checking when the last dose was. I got a supervisor to come to the room to see her. She was like a rag doll and had trouble staying awake and couldn't hold up her head or keep her eyes open. The drugs suppressed her breathing, so she would have long pauses between breaths. She also halucinated similar to what you describe. She thought her bed was vertical up on a ledge and panicked because she thought could fall out of it, and she thought I was somehow standing on a wall looking at her and she didn't know how I could do that. She also was hearing cats meowing and thought they were in her stomach. That was all from too much morphine and tylenol pain killers together, and after cutting back on the morphine she got better. Some people don't do well on morphine. It would be worth asking your doctor if the combination of drugs could be causing a problem for you and if they are necessary. They should explain why you need them, and if someone else is advocating for your care, such as your parents, they should discuss this with your doctors.

I know I have been wrong before, thinking the worst, but since I'm not a doctor, I don't have the qualifications to diagnose myself and it's very easy to believe something is serious if you don't understand the entire picture. If I understand your post correctly, do you have a feeding tube? My dad had that, and I had to feed him with it when he could no longer swallow due to old age. It is important to get nutrition and fluids that your body needs. I know this may be frightening for you and might not make sense, but sometimes we have to trust our care to someone else. I have had to do that too after I had spine surgery, and I had to be patient and embrace the little bit of recovery that I had every day. It was a long recovery for me, 3 months in a neck brace, and then rehab after that. I thought it would be terribly painful, but it wasn't because I relaxed and just accepted that I needed to rest. The pain pills nauseated me, and I found I could manage without them. That was a surprise to me, and I got better each day.

I think from your name, you must like horses. I do too, and I have an older horse who helped me a lot while I was recovering from my surgery. It was 7 months before I could ride him, but trail riding just at a walk was the best therapy I could have to regain my strength. Also thinking about my horse gave me something good to think about instead of worrying. We can get trapped worrying too much because it is a survival instinct to look for danger. That can trap us in frustration and the stress of all of that is awful. The good news is that when we recognize that this happens so easily, we can choose our thoughts and think about positive healing things. Horses are very healing, and my horse always watches me where ever I go, and when I turn my back, he'll steal a carrot out of my pocket. Find something that you can think about as a "safe place" where you can go in your mind with your thoughts anytime you feel a need to escape. I have used that during painful testing and it helped me stay in control and calm myself. I had lots of fears about medical tests that caused pain, and this worked for me. I have even used photos of places I love to look at for a mental escape. I hope this gives you some things to think about and that it helps. I send you my good wishes.

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