@joanm65
I'm so sorry to read that you're experiencing panic attacks, especially in the night. I have had panic disorder, which is different from anxiety. I know how it feels when you're alone having an attack and it was extremely frightening for me. I have a couple of questions before I give my experience that may help:

1. Are you seeing a physician for your panic disorder/agoraphobia?
2. Do you take any medications to help with the anxiety/panic?
3. If so, what are you taking and how often?

If you aren't seeing a doctor or psychological professional, I highly recommend that you contact someone in your area and get an appointment as soon as possible. The physician or professional can order medication such as Ativan (Lorazepam is the generic) to help you for the short term. It sounds to me as if that would help quickly. However, I'm not a medical professionals and am just stating what worked for me. I could only take airplanes if I first had 2 mg. of Lorazepam, which made my anxiety tolrable. In the past I would get so panicked about having to fly for work that twice I couldn't get on the plane. The second time cost my job as I was fired for not attending an out of state meeting. I just couldn't get on the airplane. I have had panic attacks in stores and worried that I might start screaming and they would call for guys in white coats to take me away. Lorazepam helped with those times when I was activated and panicked. However, Lorazepam is addictive, so it's not good to take over the long term. I only got 10 pills at a time and they lasted me several months.

I also was going to talk therapy for several years, which was extremely helpful. I learned huge amounts about myself, my emotions and the things from my childhood that drove many of my reactions to situations. I also learned that my panic attacks only lasted for about 20 minutes at a time. I learned that since they would end within a short time, I could handle them. I would lay on my bed, close my eyes and become aware of my breathing. I then began to slow my breathing down by breathing in to a count of 4, and out to a count of 5. Then slowly up to breathing in for a count of 5 and out for a count of 6, then in for 6 and out to a count of 7. I would repeat each count 4 times. At the end, I would imagine my "safe place" (which for me is my secret flower garden down a beautiful stairway) and I could stay there as long as I wanted.

Two good things about the actions I took are, I forced myself to concentrate on counting my breaths and slowing down my heart rate (which always raced, sometimes up to 180 bpm and once measured at 220 bpm in the ER), which occupied my mind and kept me from disasterizing about the feelings I was experiencing. This exercise was the most helpful thing for me, and I still use meditation in my life for relaxing. Concentrating on breathing relieved my panic after a few minutes.

But, the very best thing I did was begin taking an antidepressant 6 years ago. I was depressed and spoke with my doctor about the possibility of taking an antidepressant. I had been dead set against medication for depression prior to my asking as I thought I should be able to find a "cure" for my feelings and fears by talking about them and figuring out what to do to overcome or accept the feelings. I had done that for 25 years and still had this problem. I was given a prescription for Citalopram which is generic for Celexa. I had a hard two weeks as I was adjusting to the 1/2 dose of 20 mg. per day. After 6 months, I was prescribed the full 40 mg. dose. I could tell a huge difference at 4 weeks of taking the smaller dose. I started feeling happy, perhaps for the first time in my life. I was 63 years old and had lived my entire life in fear. I was successful in spite of my fear, but it was a struggle for me everyday. I just refused to give in to my fears, except when they became overwhelming and resulted in panic attacks. After 9 months, I realized that I hadn't had any panic attacks or bad headaches since a couple of months after I had started taking the Citalopram. I am now able to fly anywhere. I just returned from a vacation in French Polynesia where the plane ride was 8 hours long--no problem for me. I even zip lined down 7 lines on a mountain in Costa Rica 2 years ago.

I would never have been able to have these wonderful experiences if I hadn't started the antidepressant. Now, not all antidepressants are the same, and many people who take them work hard to get off them and some are unable to do it. The one I take hasn't caused me side effects that I'm a reward of, and I know I will take it for the rest of my life because I need it. I think I have had a physiological chemical imbalance in my brain my whole life. This medication fixed it. I feel good and can live my life openly now. I know each of us is different and what worked for me may not work for you. However, I do believe that the combination of Lorazepam, talk therapy, and finally Citalopram greatly improved my life.

If you decide to check out an antidepressant, please ask your doctor to have you genetically tested to find the one that will work best for you. There is information on the Mayo Clinic site about genetic testing for medications, that I recommend you to read. I hope this helps you in some way to better handle your panic attacks and possibly move beyond them to living life without agoraphobia. Please let me know if I can give you any more information or support. I know what you're going through and I want to support you in a path to freedom.

Warm regards,
Gail,
Volunteer Mentor

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