1. < Just Want to Talk

Feel like I'm gonna die soon

Posted by danybegood1 @danybegood1, Apr 6, 2018

Dany here. Haven't posted in a while. I feel very physically ill. Nausea and headaches every day seems like. Blood tests normal. I have diabetes 2, fibro, hypothyroidism, osteoarthritis, gastroparesis, HA almost 2 years ago. I am in deep depression. Started therapy, 2 visits so far. Not enough I know. Will keep going. I need help with whatever is wrong, but I don't know who to ask, and I don't know if anything physically is wrong more than what I've listed. I'm just very confused, worried, and sick. Any ideas? Dany

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

2011panc | @2011panc | Apr 10, 2018
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @danybegood1 A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @danybegood1

A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a skillet with some olive oil. After they cook for a few minutes and get tender scramble an egg and pour over it. You can also add some onion or onion flavoring and/or some avocado slices for a really healthy breakfast. You can get your day off to a healthy start with high quality protein and healthy fats.

Teresa

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250 MMMMM yummy! Even better with tomatoes! Can you tell I like tomatoes? lol

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Apr 10, 2018
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @danybegood1 A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @danybegood1

A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a skillet with some olive oil. After they cook for a few minutes and get tender scramble an egg and pour over it. You can also add some onion or onion flavoring and/or some avocado slices for a really healthy breakfast. You can get your day off to a healthy start with high quality protein and healthy fats.

Teresa

Jump to this post

@2011panc You are right - I forgot tomatoes!

Teresa

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Apr 11, 2018
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @danybegood1 A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @danybegood1

A very easy, feel-good recipe: Take some asparagus spears and put them in a skillet with some olive oil. After they cook for a few minutes and get tender scramble an egg and pour over it. You can also add some onion or onion flavoring and/or some avocado slices for a really healthy breakfast. You can get your day off to a healthy start with high quality protein and healthy fats.

Teresa

Jump to this post

one of my favorite go to's...

REPLY
danybegood1 | @danybegood1 | Apr 12, 2018

Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil has lifted a little, but the feeling that I will die before my time is still there. Maybe not now but too soon. Two days after my near meltdown, on Sunday morning, on a whim I decided to Google my ex's name. I have been doing that every so often, or looking on Google maps to see if I could see his car. Anyway, I found his name under Public information, the obits. I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer. I immediately called his old number but it was busy. Then, after not having called her in years, I called my stepdaughter. As soon as she heard my voice she started to cry, and said.she had some bad news. I said, I know. He is gone, no longer in the world. I will never see him smile, or hear his voice again. After all that was said and done, he was still my rock, my Charley. I am bereft, and drifting, all over again. Having serious heart palpitations as I write. He died on December 14, and no one called me. Stepdaughter said she didn't have my phone number. I call bull++++ on that. At the very least, it was programmed into his phone. 3 months ago. She said he asked her not to call me because he didn't want to hurt me. Well, it did, 3 months later as opposed to right away
At least, I know he was thinking about me. They are selling his house and contents, everything. I asked if he had left anything personal behind for me, but, he didn't. I called yesterday am to see if they still had my hutch that he had bought me, had to leave a message, no response yet. I doubt I will get one. He's sitting in an urn somewhere over in her house. He went in for surgery for a pinched disk in his neck, he couldn't use his legs very well. He had a massive heart attack in the hospital. Same place I have my drs. appointments. I was always hoping to run into him there, now I never will. I feel pretty much dead inside, but I still want to get better. I have been married since I was 20 years old, with short breaks between. I don't know who i am anymore. But, this has hit me HARD. I need to change doctors. I tried to once before but it didn't work out because I would have needed to go to Seattle to see some specialists, and I can't go to Seattle bc I have transportation problems. I'm having so much anxiety and none of my doctors are offering anything. What's up with that? Chest feels like there's an elephant on it. Prayers are welcome. Thanks for being here. Dany

REPLY
3 replies
grandmaR | @grandmar | Apr 12, 2018

I am so sorry for your loss.
Could the feeling that you will go before your time really be some sort of a premonition (for lack of better word)? Except, it is your ex, and not you who passed too early.
Condolences
ronnie

REPLY
Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | Apr 12, 2018
In reply to @danybegood1 "Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil..." + (show)
@danybegood1

Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil has lifted a little, but the feeling that I will die before my time is still there. Maybe not now but too soon. Two days after my near meltdown, on Sunday morning, on a whim I decided to Google my ex's name. I have been doing that every so often, or looking on Google maps to see if I could see his car. Anyway, I found his name under Public information, the obits. I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer. I immediately called his old number but it was busy. Then, after not having called her in years, I called my stepdaughter. As soon as she heard my voice she started to cry, and said.she had some bad news. I said, I know. He is gone, no longer in the world. I will never see him smile, or hear his voice again. After all that was said and done, he was still my rock, my Charley. I am bereft, and drifting, all over again. Having serious heart palpitations as I write. He died on December 14, and no one called me. Stepdaughter said she didn't have my phone number. I call bull++++ on that. At the very least, it was programmed into his phone. 3 months ago. She said he asked her not to call me because he didn't want to hurt me. Well, it did, 3 months later as opposed to right away
At least, I know he was thinking about me. They are selling his house and contents, everything. I asked if he had left anything personal behind for me, but, he didn't. I called yesterday am to see if they still had my hutch that he had bought me, had to leave a message, no response yet. I doubt I will get one. He's sitting in an urn somewhere over in her house. He went in for surgery for a pinched disk in his neck, he couldn't use his legs very well. He had a massive heart attack in the hospital. Same place I have my drs. appointments. I was always hoping to run into him there, now I never will. I feel pretty much dead inside, but I still want to get better. I have been married since I was 20 years old, with short breaks between. I don't know who i am anymore. But, this has hit me HARD. I need to change doctors. I tried to once before but it didn't work out because I would have needed to go to Seattle to see some specialists, and I can't go to Seattle bc I have transportation problems. I'm having so much anxiety and none of my doctors are offering anything. What's up with that? Chest feels like there's an elephant on it. Prayers are welcome. Thanks for being here. Dany

Jump to this post

Oh, Dany, so very sorry to hear about the loss of your ex-husband. Truly a loss of someone who was important to you and with whom you spent significant time in your life. Hoping you will allow yourself to grieve. Sounds very painful.

You have my thoughts and prayers, @danybegood1.

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Apr 12, 2018
In reply to @danybegood1 "Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil..." + (show)
@danybegood1

Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil has lifted a little, but the feeling that I will die before my time is still there. Maybe not now but too soon. Two days after my near meltdown, on Sunday morning, on a whim I decided to Google my ex's name. I have been doing that every so often, or looking on Google maps to see if I could see his car. Anyway, I found his name under Public information, the obits. I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer. I immediately called his old number but it was busy. Then, after not having called her in years, I called my stepdaughter. As soon as she heard my voice she started to cry, and said.she had some bad news. I said, I know. He is gone, no longer in the world. I will never see him smile, or hear his voice again. After all that was said and done, he was still my rock, my Charley. I am bereft, and drifting, all over again. Having serious heart palpitations as I write. He died on December 14, and no one called me. Stepdaughter said she didn't have my phone number. I call bull++++ on that. At the very least, it was programmed into his phone. 3 months ago. She said he asked her not to call me because he didn't want to hurt me. Well, it did, 3 months later as opposed to right away
At least, I know he was thinking about me. They are selling his house and contents, everything. I asked if he had left anything personal behind for me, but, he didn't. I called yesterday am to see if they still had my hutch that he had bought me, had to leave a message, no response yet. I doubt I will get one. He's sitting in an urn somewhere over in her house. He went in for surgery for a pinched disk in his neck, he couldn't use his legs very well. He had a massive heart attack in the hospital. Same place I have my drs. appointments. I was always hoping to run into him there, now I never will. I feel pretty much dead inside, but I still want to get better. I have been married since I was 20 years old, with short breaks between. I don't know who i am anymore. But, this has hit me HARD. I need to change doctors. I tried to once before but it didn't work out because I would have needed to go to Seattle to see some specialists, and I can't go to Seattle bc I have transportation problems. I'm having so much anxiety and none of my doctors are offering anything. What's up with that? Chest feels like there's an elephant on it. Prayers are welcome. Thanks for being here. Dany

Jump to this post

@danybegood1 Hello Dany,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and that you were not notified right away. How unfortunate that you could not attend services and have some closure with the others that he was close to. Closure is still important for you, though, so when you can take the time to write down some thoughts about your feelings about him that would be good for you personally.

I do wish you peace during this time of loss!

Teresa

REPLY
Gary, Alumni Mentor | @gman007 | Apr 12, 2018
In reply to @danybegood1 "Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil..." + (show)
@danybegood1

Hi all, all your suggestions sound great and I appreciate the sentiment behind them. The veil has lifted a little, but the feeling that I will die before my time is still there. Maybe not now but too soon. Two days after my near meltdown, on Sunday morning, on a whim I decided to Google my ex's name. I have been doing that every so often, or looking on Google maps to see if I could see his car. Anyway, I found his name under Public information, the obits. I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer. I immediately called his old number but it was busy. Then, after not having called her in years, I called my stepdaughter. As soon as she heard my voice she started to cry, and said.she had some bad news. I said, I know. He is gone, no longer in the world. I will never see him smile, or hear his voice again. After all that was said and done, he was still my rock, my Charley. I am bereft, and drifting, all over again. Having serious heart palpitations as I write. He died on December 14, and no one called me. Stepdaughter said she didn't have my phone number. I call bull++++ on that. At the very least, it was programmed into his phone. 3 months ago. She said he asked her not to call me because he didn't want to hurt me. Well, it did, 3 months later as opposed to right away
At least, I know he was thinking about me. They are selling his house and contents, everything. I asked if he had left anything personal behind for me, but, he didn't. I called yesterday am to see if they still had my hutch that he had bought me, had to leave a message, no response yet. I doubt I will get one. He's sitting in an urn somewhere over in her house. He went in for surgery for a pinched disk in his neck, he couldn't use his legs very well. He had a massive heart attack in the hospital. Same place I have my drs. appointments. I was always hoping to run into him there, now I never will. I feel pretty much dead inside, but I still want to get better. I have been married since I was 20 years old, with short breaks between. I don't know who i am anymore. But, this has hit me HARD. I need to change doctors. I tried to once before but it didn't work out because I would have needed to go to Seattle to see some specialists, and I can't go to Seattle bc I have transportation problems. I'm having so much anxiety and none of my doctors are offering anything. What's up with that? Chest feels like there's an elephant on it. Prayers are welcome. Thanks for being here. Dany

Jump to this post

@danybegood1 I am so sorry for your loss and the way you had to find out. I think it is very normal that we grieve those who have been large parts of our lives even if they had not been recently. Take your time with that as we all go through the process differently. At the same time, I would hope that this does not cause you to feel more negatively about your own mortality. This is no time for humor, but my wife's grandmother was certain she was going to die anytime after she turned 60 and she did after her 97th birthday. So she was right, as we all will be, but I think God's timing is always perfect even though it may not match ours. I have to believe, despite my ever expanding limitations, that He has a reason for me still being here and I just keep trying to justify that purpose.
Blessings, Gary

REPLY
danybegood1 | @danybegood1 | Apr 13, 2018

Well, I don't see my last post. It's an important one. My ex husband died 3 months ago and no one told me. I am devastated. I still loved him. Now he is gone, and I have an elephant sitting on my chest. I'm crying a lot, very upset. Step daughter gave away all his furniture, but I will get back the old fashioned record player I gave to him. I do not yet accept that he is gone. He is sitting in an urn in his daughter's house. How do I psychologically realize that he is gone? Should I ask for a tour of the place he used to live? Any suggestions? Dany

REPLY
1 reply
Gary, Alumni Mentor | @gman007 | Apr 13, 2018

@danybegood1 I am not certain there is anything more than time and resignation that can clear that hurdle and actually allow you to move through the rest of the grieving process. The first phase, I think, is denial and everyone goes through the stages at their own pace. If you like to read, Sheryl Sandberg's book about dealing with her relatively young husband's sudden death is great for anyone grieving. (Forget that she is the COO of one of the most valuable companies in the world and has financial resources that none of us do; those facts really don't detract from her story telling). The only other thing that would come to mind is possibly seeing the urn to make it a bit more "real". Wish I could help more and your peace is my prayer.
Gary

REPLY
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.