Hi all, boy it seems we are all special for the wrong reasons. My thing is worrying. About everything. We live not too far from a volcano, Mt. Rainer. You may remember Mt. St. Helen? I also worry about my kids, the planet, my dog, just everything. I worry about the people I read about that includes everyone on Mayo connect. I recently found out that the man I was married to for 30 years died 3 months ago and no one called me. Anxious is my middle name. I finally called the Behavior Mental Health department of my clinic to relay how I was feeling yesterday, you know, heart palpitations, heaviness in the chest, like an elephant was sitting on it. This has happened 2-3 times in the last week and it's pretty alarming when it happens. But, being Friday no one has called back. What really pisses me off is that I've been suffering anxiety attacks for months, if not longer, and my stupid Dr. will not prescribe anything for me for anxiety. I felt like I was going to die. The feeling of imminent death has receded, but I still have a foreboding sense of death hanging over me. Not something I can explain to my kids. I have really been reaching out to my doctors with this, to no avail. Now, I'm reaching out to therapist. Have to wait and see what happens. The first therapist I saw said I have psychomotor retardation, which I guess means it would take a bolt of lightening to make me do anything, which is exactly how I feel. This has all been slowly progressing since my divorce. I loved my husband, but our situation was hopeless. However, I'm a Christian, so I wait on the Lord, believing that all good things will come to pass. But, it would be great to have a way to deescalate things when they get really bad. I have my kids for which I'm truly grateful, and I have Harley, my little Shi Tzu, to cuddle with when he allows it. Sometimes, I beg for his attention, to no avail, then other times he is all over me, stubborn and fickle little boy. I love him to death. We all are a mess to one degree or another. There is no one answer for us all. We need to persevere in the face of this black cloud that has us in it's grip. When all is said and done, I guess after all these years of feeling this way, that's what I've been doing, biding my time, waiting on the Lord. But, for all of us it needs to come to an end, because, for me it is a huge detriment to my health. I am in a physical decline far too soon for my age. I'm only 66, but I feel like I might be 90. I've lost so much muscle tone, and I'm losing other things. But, I will continue to wait, and do my part to the best of my ability. Whatever will be, will be. I pray for everyone on here that you will find your solutions, and outlets for inner peace and health. Stay strong, and keep fighting. We're worth it. Dany

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