1. < Depression & Anxiety

Depression and taking medicine for years

Posted by Jan @theotherone, Dec 7, 2017

I found this board several months ago but I joined just yesterday. I always felt I have nothing valuable to say. Anyway, now I feel the need to join. Events that have happened recently moved me to reach out either for support and to try to be helpful to other people.
I suffer from depression and taking medicine for years. I have experienced ups and downs, sometimes better sometimes worse times. You know it. In October I had to be hospitalized in psychiatric hospital. It was my third time to be there. The reason was that I tried to commit suicide. Weeks before that I felt totally desperate. My condition got worse and worse. I experienced big disappointments with some people who are close to me and I think that was the trigger for depression attack. I could barely sleep abut I always felt tired. I couldn't even cry, And I saw I getting on my wife's nerves. I just came to conclusion that it would be better if I stop all that. Luckily, in the hospital they saved my life (I was 2 days in coma). After ER, I was sent to psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 5 weeks. I know I almost died then and now, even I still have problems with my mood and lack of energy, I want to reach for help and for support.
My depression is coming from my childhood. As a child, I was abused by my father and bullied in school. Maybe later I can tell more about it, I don't want to write it now. All those things marked me for life. I was 19, when I was able to leave home and I thought all bad is left behind, but it is not that easy. True, I know how to communicate now, I can find friends already but I still carry it with me wherever I go. The fears I have are reflected everywhere, when I talk to others, even when I doing as simple things as shopping. Many times memories come back to me, even as the nightmares, many times I have woke up with screaming.
There are many I would like to say, maybe by time I will be able.
Another reason I joined this forum is that I would like to be in some way helpful to others. We all have problems and I would like to be supportive to others because I know what does it mean to suffer. I hope i can contribute.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

pendragonart | @pendragonart | Dec 17, 2017
In reply to @cdcc "Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with..." + (show)
@cdcc

Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but....as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

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I am published also. trying to help others from what I have been through, and writing more currently for a self help book that I hope will be more helpful than much of the umpteen self help books already out there (I may be dreaming and it be just one more added to the pile) am a poet, writer, artist. with web site on healing through creativity. also started forum on munchausen by proxy if anyone needs it. mbp is so rarely recognized there aren't many people on any forums so they tend to wither away, and there are few resources. on this site and elsewhere. also have struggled with Stockholm syndrome even to this day at 65 after a lifetime of trying to overcome it.

REPLY
pendragonart | @pendragonart | Dec 17, 2017
In reply to @parus "@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best..." + (show)
@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

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yes me too....

REPLY
Jan | @theotherone | Dec 17, 2017
In reply to @cdcc "Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with..." + (show)
@cdcc

Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but....as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

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@pendragonart I would like to see your website. Can you send the link to me?

REPLY
Jan | @theotherone | Dec 17, 2017
In reply to @parus "@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best..." + (show)
@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

Jump to this post

@peach414144 @pendragonart The name of my 1st book is The Fear. I'm a bit shy to send it, maybe because of all those bad reactions. Beside that, the book is not in English, it is in my mother tongue and it was published outside of the US. My second book is in English already.
But, if you want, I can send you translated electronic version (only Google Translate).

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lulu63 | @lulu63 | Dec 18, 2017
In reply to @parus "@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best..." + (show)
@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

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I am interested

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peach414144 | @peach414144 | Dec 18, 2017
In reply to @parus "@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best..." + (show)
@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

Jump to this post

to deartheotherone: how very nice it is of you to offer but at my age i cannot "google translate" but, the second book in english. please give me the name of it and i will purchase it myself. i thank you for your kindness. peach barbara

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Dec 18, 2017
In reply to @parus "@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best..." + (show)
@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

Jump to this post

dear parus, you hit the nail on the head when you wrote "abusers are indeed clever with their abuse". i think i have had it all. the child abuse and then the sexual harrasment during my adulthood. my harrasser placed me in mortal danger when "i would not come across". somehow i made it to my retirement and he did not get what he wanted. it did play a toll on me. who did he think he was. after all of the child abuse i should be abused again? wow i did suffer from this greatly but i made it. i think i could write a number of books. perhaps a serial? laugh clown laugh

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Dec 18, 2017
In reply to @parus "@amberpep Thank you. I will do my best and endeavor to keep my opinions of shrinks..." + (show)
@parus

@amberpep Thank you. I will do my best and endeavor to keep my opinions of shrinks to myself. I do see a therapist from time to time.

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dear parus, you have the right to complain about a doctor just as all of us do. there are good and bad in all. .

REPLY
pendragonart | @pendragonart | Dec 18, 2017
In reply to @cdcc "Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with..." + (show)
@cdcc

Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but....as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

Jump to this post

http://pendragonart.tripod.com/visionaryart/ I haven't had time to edit and update for almost a year i'm embarrassed to say but will appreciate any feedback positive or negative that will help me improve it when I get time...I don't have the time to put into this forum that I would love to put in in replies and likes as well as posts....I wish I did. this is a wonderfully helpful forum for these issues.

REPLY
coloradogirl | @coloradogirl | Dec 19, 2017

Hi @theotherone. If you haven't tried it before, please consider working with a therapist who has been certified to work with trauma. I too had a difficult childhood, and spent about six months last year working with a really good counselor who really knew how to address childhood trauma. It was not an easy process and it was difficult work, but it has really helped me a lot. Best wishes on your journey.

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