1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

lovetoall | @lovetoall | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @lovetoall "Dearest Annie, I am so sorry you spend your time in fear. Please make sure you..." + (show)
@lovetoall

Dearest Annie, I am so sorry you spend your time in fear. Please make sure you share all of those feelings with your doctor, and make a point of asking him about the meds and their consequences. If you can, you may wish to talk with a psychological counselor other than your physician, in order to get a different perspective and some helpful tips. This is another reason depression is so difficult when it strikes us as Seniors -- it is easy for us to believe there will be no end. But do not accept that! If you attend church, spend some time with your pastor and let him help you gain some positive thoughts. If you do not attend church, get a friend or relative to introduce you to a good pastor they know. Find a hobby where you are making or designing something. One thing this will do is perk you up when you have done a good job and you are proud of the outcome. It also keeps your mind occupied and productive. I hope there is someone close to you who can listen to your circumstances and provide support. If not, look for someone -- befriend a neighbor, find a group to join, do some pleasing volunteer work if you are able. You need a distraction, so that you will not dwell on your fears. You have taken a good step by writing your thoughts here, and I hope you will continue. Please know that, although we are not acquainted, I care about you. I want you to be content for the rest of your life! God bless you always.

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I care about you, too, dianajane! My son's mother-in-law is in a situation like yours, and I am so glad she has sisters and her daughter to support her. Alzheimer's is so difficult for everyone. It sounds as if you have had good therapy results in the past and we shall count on it getting you through. Prayers for you, Annie, and Seeker. You know, there is an old saying that "misery loves company;" I suppose it is because once misery has company, misery becomes more content. When we share, we love; and love gets us through. Jesus loves us.

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lovetoall | @lovetoall | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @lisalucier "Hi, @elwooodsdad -- that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hi, @elwooodsdad -- that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the right things in place, with a psychiatrist and medication.

You mention going through a major issue right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm wondering if you would share a bit about what it looks like when you have a major episode?

@ladybugmg -- with the research you shared on deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine being associated with a particular subtype of depression, I'm wondering if this research has any particular significance for you personally?

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Hi, Mr. "elwooodsdad!" Your sweet dog is still with you in spirit, and will never go away, though I know you miss his physical being. I have a pretty beagle named "Amazing Grace" (or Gracie), and she lives up to her name. When her time comes, I will miss her deeply, but I will retain her love. Never, ever consider terminating your own life! You are loved. In your mind, there are thoughts that worry you and belittle yourself. Wash those thoughts away, and leave only the positive ones. You are your own best hero, and I know there are many good things from past years that you can dwell upon. Continue your volunteer work, and know that God is often slow in our eyes, but he works toward mighty goals of which we cannot be aware. Look forward to that wonderful day when His goals for you come to fruition! Until then, do His work and see all of the positive changes you can make in the lives of others! Smile and speak to everyone you meet, and stop along the way to help when you can! Then, SURPRISE!!!...IT WILL BE A BETTER DAY! Love and prayers for you!

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Kami Johnson | @johnsonk | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @lisalucier "Hi, @elwooodsdad -- that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hi, @elwooodsdad -- that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the right things in place, with a psychiatrist and medication.

You mention going through a major issue right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm wondering if you would share a bit about what it looks like when you have a major episode?

@ladybugmg -- with the research you shared on deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine being associated with a particular subtype of depression, I'm wondering if this research has any particular significance for you personally?

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@elwoodsdad, My darkest episodes also always come from major life changes. When I unexpectedly lost my12.5yo black lab, Molly, a cloud descended that didn't lift for months, even with the companionship of my newest rescued dog. I liken my episodes to walking underwater. I cant feel, think, or care about anything. I try to keep as busy as possible but am still bored because nothing seems to matter. Life is full of rote responses and actions. I never get enough sleep. I don't feel hungry. I feel angry with God for letting this depression exist. The only thing that gets me through each episode, no matter how long they are, is to remember I always have before and will again. You will too, keep hold of that.

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Kami Johnson | @johnsonk | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @kdo0827 "I’m really struggling these past 3 days. I’m being weaned off of Trazadone-cold turkey, tapering off..." + (show)
@kdo0827

I’m really struggling these past 3 days. I’m being weaned off of Trazadone-cold turkey, tapering off Lexapro and Remeron and then they started me on Cymbalta. I also take Methadone. This is all being done to help me as I finally found a dr who realized I’ve been on a tremendous cocktail of meds. I’m having every withdrawal symptom possible. He called to check on me (on a Saturday) and said I may be experiencing seratonin syndrome and to quit the Lexapro immediately and to give it a few more days. Has anyone else been thru this? It’s unreal. Please pray for me.

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@kdo0827 I cant imagine how you must be feeling. When I was weaned off of Celexa, I had severe panic attacks. Scary stuff. Hope you get through this soon, thinking of you.

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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@parus , I know that feeling very well. People think depression is all about sadness, but that's just a small part of it. Physical and/or mental conditions and illnesses do contribute to the problem. When we are no longer able to function as we did in our younger years, especially, it can be depressing. We look at all these younger people and some times think " life is wasted on the young." When I was younger I did not have the patience that I have now. And I was always considered an extremely patient person. My husband's health is so precarious that any plans we make may be changed st the very last minute. My health was that way for years, so I do understand his situation. Mine could change at any moment. I could have a Fibro flare and find myself totally incapacitated. Sometimes I drive the GrannyScooter at the grocery store, knowing full well some folks think I'm taking advantage of it. I don't care anymore. Life is to be lived. And I will find a way to make it work. Most days! Love and hope to you!

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ainsleigh | @ainsleigh | Aug 7, 2018

If you Google The Toronto Star July 30,2018 "Stimulating research into brain disease " there you will find in interesting article about treatment for depression as an option for people who do not respond to medication.
Ainsleigh

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @sharlynn62 "Hi Seeker 70, By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out..." + (show)
@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a " normal" life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn't bring this on yourself and you can't just "change your attitude" and make it go away. I was told to "pull up my boot straps" and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I'm involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It's difficult, though, because I haven't found many people of my age (I'm 55) who are interested in listening to a "boring old sad woman" (this is how I feel about myself a lot... part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it's marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you're experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it's important to say this to you...You are not alone! Take care.

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@gailb , you are right. I know that my medical team is under so much pressure. I do try to be patient with them. I don't mind the waiting, as I always bring a book to read with me. That's about the only time I can sit down long enough to read from a book. Fortunately I have learned a little bit about how the system works. I don't take offense anymore if there's a wait. I practice mindfulness and it helps me greatly to just appreciate each moment. I remind myself there are other people with needs just as important to them as mine are to me. You never know what is going on behind the scenes. Good opportunities to work on trust issues, as well. Well, that's all I got for now, as they say here in my little Southern corner of the world! Love you, girl!

REPLY
Lisa Lucier | @lisalucier | Aug 7, 2018

Hi, @ainsleigh -- I've merged your post on brain stimulation for depression for those who do not respond to medication here, as many members have been talking about long-term depression in this discussion.

Are you looking into pursuing some form of brain stimulation therapy?

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1 reply
dianajane | @dianajane | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @farmor "Have you tied CBD oil?" + (show)
@farmor

Have you tied CBD oil?

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not comfortable with the idea. am reading about it's pro/cons. My anxiety/panic attacks start B4 I even get out of bed in the morning. Every day. once I'm up seems to subside a bit. I take Trazodone at bedtime.take Citalopram every am.Thanks for the suggestion.

REPLY
dianajane | @dianajane | Aug 7, 2018
In reply to @kdo0827 "I’m really struggling these past 3 days. I’m being weaned off of Trazadone-cold turkey, tapering off..." + (show)
@kdo0827

I’m really struggling these past 3 days. I’m being weaned off of Trazadone-cold turkey, tapering off Lexapro and Remeron and then they started me on Cymbalta. I also take Methadone. This is all being done to help me as I finally found a dr who realized I’ve been on a tremendous cocktail of meds. I’m having every withdrawal symptom possible. He called to check on me (on a Saturday) and said I may be experiencing seratonin syndrome and to quit the Lexapro immediately and to give it a few more days. Has anyone else been thru this? It’s unreal. Please pray for me.

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Praying for you kid I can SO relate.

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