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Long-term depression

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jan 2, 2019 | Replies (563)

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@bequil

I too have been depressed, with anxiety, PTSD. Trauma for over 2 years since I had a series of life devastating events and Burnout in 2015. The depression was starting to lighten a bit until I was retriggered a few months ago .... now the depression is almost worse resulting in hopelessness and despair. I understand this is part of the journey and disease. I also understand why I'm depressed but just having a hard time since nothing appears to be working much since I was retriggered. I've tried a few different medications but have a strong aversion to medication (due to childhood trauma) but know that at this point meds might be very helpful if the right one is found. I'm also an emergency first responder and healer myself and now experiencing the "perfect storm" at age 60. My life's complex trauma and grief along with current stressors have caught up to me to be addressed. Curious how others deal with the hopelessness and despair? I really struggle in the mornings since I have not be able to work much at all for 2 years now because I feel so ashamed of my situation and work really triggers me .... those feelings of failure and worthlessness. Also, my family is doing the best they can to support me but they are also becoming distant because they no longer know how to help or support me .... that is devastating because it reinforces the abandonment and feelings of failure ... thank you for the opportunity to talk .... bless you all ...

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Replies to "I too have been depressed, with anxiety, PTSD. Trauma for over 2 years since I had..."

@bequil

I feel as though I could have written your words. Except that depression hit me in 2005.I've been working through the guilt and shame and abandonment since then. I attempted suicide several times that year and spent 6 weeks in a recovery house. Hopelessness and despair are surely hallmarks of depression. I had to retire at 55, ending my life's vocation as a minister, and moving away from the small town where my wife and I were EMTs, and active in the community. It was devastating both for me and my wife.

It takes time and good therapists to move forward, and let go of the shame, and the feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, shame, abandonment, despair and embarrassment. The embarrassment, by the way, is undeserved. You haven't chosen to be where you are.

I look forward to hearing more from you as you seek help and begin the healing process. I understand how painful it is, as I've experienced the same feelings, and I pray that God will give you the strength and wisdom you're going to need.

You're welcome to pm me anytime.

Jim