Feeling guilty re: trying to get better after being depressed so long

Keep getting better. What you may be experiencing is the view (healthy) you have in the rearview mirror (not so healthy) of how difficult it was then with a sense of disbelief that "Why did I have to struggle so hard? And who did what to me to put me there (anger)."
It's recognized as cognitive dissonance. Kinda of like having been confined to a cage, and then realizing there was no lock on the door. You could have walked out any time.
Also the "old you" doesn't want to let go so easily and tries to
pull you back. Some call it habit.
Stay with health and your future.

@justagirlwhoyaps No, it's not strange at all. We get used to being a certain way, behaving a certain way. It's familiar, it's comfortable. Perhaps not healthy, but it's a known situation. Then we step outside that comfort zone and look at helping ourself, exploring how to feel better/do things in a more healthy manner. And find that it's wasn't a difficult thing to reframe our thinking. Our "old" way of thinking was familiar, and our brain would like us to believe that was the best/easiest route. When we put effort into changing things up, and find it's working, we might beat ourself up for not doing it earlier. Don't do that! You're making changes now, for the better, and that is what counts. Please be gentle on yourself.
Ginger

@gingerw Such sound advice to all of us who are learning new ways of relating and reacting. At 85, I'm still learning and sometimes I find that sliding back into old habits is much to easy, but the new responses and reactions are so rewarding. Nonetheless, sometimes it is hard to stick with them.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Depression is real. And left untreated it's dangerous. It might be medical, it might be environmental, it might be from confusion regarding how to approach life, it could be any combination of the three, or involve other factors as well. You've experienced depression and you continue to. For you it's real and that's all that matters. There's nothing fraudulent about it. If your therapist is pointing you in the direction of thinking it is fraudulent, seek out someone else who will instead help you discover what is going on and point you in positive directions, as well assist you in getting medical attention if needed.

You're not going to find healing in guilt, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Depression is not your fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I provided lengthy reflections from my own long history of depression on your other thread, and I'm not going to bore you with it again, so here I'll just add that I'm pulling for you. Keep us updated.

@justagirlwhoyaps I know the guilt feelings. It hits me hardest when someone tells me I should be over the depression, etc., by now. I feel guilty that I've been depressed for more than 20 years, despite medication and therapy. But I came to accept the fact (or possibility) a few years ago that I might experience mental health issues the rest of my life. That's helped me be at peace with myself, just the way I am.

Then there's the difference between guilt and shame, another lesson I worked on quite a bit. Neither one was helpful moving forward. But over time, it's possible to make progress. Be encouraged with that.

Jim

I would like to know what part of the therapy was effective.
As a woman I am having trouble getting past the grief of widowhood.
I am 80 & wonder why I am still here.

I don't think anyone has any real control over being depressed, you don't wake up or sit there one day and decide " I am going to be depressed". trying to deal with it is a battle. Those idiots who say " just get over it" all you can do is realise the level of jackass stupidity you're dealing with feel sorry for them and walk away you don't need their crap. I am recently diagnosed as Bipolar, having dealt with depression for quite a while (sometimes I wondered if I was other times I didn't realise ). Lately that pit (as I call it) has been really bad. I cannot just get over it; I won't apologise for something over which I have no control., neither will I feel guilty and you shouldn't either.

I totally understand that feeling...but as they say "Guilt is a wasted emotion".
After recovering from a depression (Yay for you!) the last thing you want to do is waste any emotion. Relish the good ones, they are well deserved and hard worked for. Try to tell the bad ones that you have NO time for them right now.
Comparisons can get old, however, no one would ever feel guilty about their cancer going into remission. Depression is just as real.
It's time for you to feel good, because you deserve it!

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am 67 years old and have battled depression my whole life. I question if I really had depression during the few times I have found peace. During this time I ask myself if I was just being difficult, was I just seeking attention, am I just a horrible person. When I am in the midst of deep depression I KNOW I have it and there is no hope for me, I know I am not in control of how I feel. It is just more confusing having these back and forth emotions, am I just a horrible person or do I really have depression? I cannot tolerate and SSRI medications so I do not take anything. I talk and talk and talk to Doctors and therapists until they seem to have nothing to offer and then when I do not get better they give up on me. I have never had someone come up with a plan for me and tell me how they intend to help me.

You're telling my story. I have general anxiety disorder diagnosing 2005. And then deep depression after that. Going through many medications don't seem to help. The only thing that helped me and it's still ongoing because I have PTSD and trauma. Is journaling only when I have something to say to get it out of my system. Also EMDR help me. And still going to go through it again because of the sexual abuse which helped. It makes you go back to the trauma or the problem you had She brings you back and you go through again it was not traumatic for me I had tears coming down my face and I finally had compassion for myself. I was able to forgive the sexual abusers to a point. But it was a relief. Now I'm going to be doing EMDR for the physical abuse and neglect. I really think for me medications don't work very well I'm sure they're working but not enough. And I've been on all of them. I have tried TMS and even ECT did not work. Good luck to you I'm still on my journey