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Scott, Volunteer Mentor (@IndianaScott)

Thoughts from a Caregiver...

Caregivers | Last Active: Jun 13, 2017 | Replies (26)

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@tntredhead As we approach Memorial Day weekend my thoughts are with you. Do you have plans for this holiday weekend? As you are comfortable doing so, please feel free to share with us how you are doing. Best wishes to you and your family. Teresa

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Replies to "@tntredhead As we approach Memorial Day weekend my thoughts are with you. Do you have plans..."

Teresa,The only plans I have are to take flowers to Tom tomorrow and then go back again on Monday to visit with him again.  These last two days have been extremely difficult – the one month mark – and today I feel like I just can't go on but I know I will.    Had a really bad experience last night when a nephew that I never see – he lives about 3000 miles from us – called and proceeded to tell me that I should have kept Tom home.  He said some pretty nasty things until I hung up on him.  Of course, when my daughter called and I was crying, she called him and gave him orders to never call me again.  Even though he doesn't know anything about the circumstances or my health, it hurt so deeply to hear him judge me so harshly.  So today I just can't stop crying.  I miss Tom so very much and even though he wasn't home, I was with him every day for many hours.  Sorry to cry on your shoulder too.  Hope Memorial Day is good for you.Trish

The Redhead

Hi @tntredhead My thoughts are with you, especially this weekend. Holidays are just plain extra, extra hard and when you add horrible comments from the ‘peanut gallery’ it makes emotions go berserk.

To this day I absolutely don’t understand why so many people and especially family members feel free to voice hurtful, unknowledgeable opinions from afar on our caregiving, which have no basis in reality!

We caregers have thick skin, but it doesn’t mean we don’t hurt. Remeber it’s not you!

Continue in your strength!


Dear Trish, It never ceases to baffle me how people can pass judgement. You can cry on our shoulders any time and repeatedly, and for whatever reason and no reason. I just made myself a nice cup of tea. Why don’t you pour yourself a cup too? I wish I had cookies to offer, but I never was a baker. 🙂 Tell us something about your Tom that makes you smile.

Dear Coleen, Thank you for the kind note. You know Tom and I used to bake cakes. I didn’t like making the cake but I loved making it look much too good to eat. So he would come in the kitchen and do the baking and I would decorate and then we would give half of them to someone else. We had a bachelor neighbor who loved it when we would go in the kitchen together. Tom could tell the corniest jokes and, for some reason, they made me laugh! Not long after we were married, I became upset with him over something – I don’t remember what – and I said “That’s It. I’m out of here!” He looked at me and said “Where are we going? Don’t think you are going to leave me here.” Neither of us ever threatened to leave again but we often laughed that we would go together so might as well stay home. He was so kind to everyone especially our daughter, grandson and me. Tom adopted my daughter when she was 12 after we were married – my ex was not much of a father and signed the adoption papers after I threatened him for not paying child support for years. The adoption was Tom’s idea. He called me at the office about a week after we were married and told me he had gone to see a lawyer and he hoped I wasn’t upset. Well, we had only known each other two months so I was a little leery of what he was about to say. He then told me he went to see how/when he could adopt Irene and he was worried because he hadn’t discussed it with me. Irene was my bridesmaid when Tom and I were married and when we were pronounced man and wife, she turned around and said “Hey Dad”. So I knew she wanted to have his name and the adoption went through without a hitch after the social worked talked with our neighbor who asked why he was adopting his own daughter. It’s been that was ever since. Thanks for making me think of the good times. I’m trying to go off some depression medicine and I think probably that’s a bad idea right now. Will talk with my doc on Tuesday. Happy Memorial Day to all of you and if you still have your loved one, no matter what the circumstances, hug them, tell them you love them, let them eat ice cream if they want it and make as many memories as you possible can.

Thanks IndianaScott for the encouragement. I am so glad I found this site and have the friends on it I have. We are all hurting – in different ways – but the pain is the same.

Thank you for that smile, Trish. I just got goosebumps reading about the adoption story. What a guy. Now I want some cake too. So nice sharing a cup of tea with you. I look forward to tomorrow’s cup.

@tntredhead Hi Trish: I’m so sorry to hear of the distressing phone call. I just don’t understand how people can second-guess a situation that they have not personally experienced. I appreciate all of the good memories about you and Tom that you shared with us, you had a remarkable relationship and that is a treasure! I wish you peace and strength this holiday weekend. Teresa

Great story. I think I’ll go hug my sister. Thank you.