It took me a while to get here too and I have good and bad days but you have to find what is important and that purpose..Before my accident I used to feel low and my self esteem was horrible so everybody walked all over me..when I woke from my coma it was a new beginning but though I was happier well because that first year there was nothing there..I had to relearn life..and find that meaning..You are sober..be proud of that..and yes it is a struggle but you are doing it..we cannot change how other people think, but we can change us and our outlook..so this is your new beginning..maybe you can find something even to make or do that can be a personal thing for each of your children..a memory book of the good times..something to show you are there..Mother's Day is coming so it can be a glorious time to celebrate..Everything takes time and forgiveness well not only do you forgive you but them this time and actually forgive your ex to..all this adds up to that anger..forgiveness heals...GOD always asks us to forgive and to learn and grow from that time..And I will pray for that healing too..