@bewildered
Such a beautiful outreach of caring for me and my son. I thank you. I am trying to push hard this time as the younger he seeks help it often proves to be more successful. No guarantees of anything to be sure. But always hope , always prayer. I am trying to be strong with all I have not just for my son, not just for me, not just for my other four children - for our family. That we may come together in strength. Two of my other children also are bipolar - but with medication and therapy they are thriving. What I am going through now is nothing like what I experienced with them. They let me pull them out of the well with my helping hand with gratitude whereas this son pulls with all his might to bring me into his well. Constantly needing saving - but never has a problem. (just ask him). He was hard on me as he took off this morning - once I said my expectations haven’t changed ( before that he wanted to go out for breakfast - expecting that I would “ come to my senses” ) - but I stayed strong ( perhaps even surprising myself ) … but I felt the strength of my family behind me and the strength of the amazing people on this Mayo site as well as the crisis team and NAMI. I have also sought much counseling since his last episode to simply be able to handle it as best as I can. Prepare for the worst - expect the best. Without my husband it is so much more difficult. I also have two siblings severely bipolar (although they didn’t show sever signs before I had children) and my other brother who recent passed dealt with profound autism. My parents had me at nearly 50 years of age - so I do not have that support network as well. But I do have a beautiful and caring sister - though she lives far (& has stage four cancer ) , and some dear friends- sprinkled around the United States . But the boots on the ground are solely in my hands ( or would that be my feet - boots and all ). I try to stay positive and go about my day. Although today is like a waiting game - knowing fireworks are lurking just outside my door. And when I get firmer I am unsure as to whether he could get agitated to aggression ( it’s not his nature - but he is unstable ). Keep me in your prayers. It’s going to be a rough afternoon/evening …. Depending on when he shows up.