You are on the right track. When abuse is vicious and relentless (mother breaking your thigh bone!), the mind's protective system erases everything. I had a friend who said, "I don't remember anything from before my wedding" (Holocaust survivor family). The protective system may even limit or shut down the memory of more current events.
To replace the horrors of reality, our systems create safe fantasies for us to live in. I'm a hero firefighter. I'm a ballerina. (Everything's beautiful at the ballet)
Problem with fantasies is they take too much energy to keep them going, and they break down in the face of realities, like aging or illness or job loss. Also the buried deep trauma surfaces as symptoms in disguise, physical and/or psychological.
Very rare that any therapist will be a match for the protective forgetting/fantasy syndrome (Donald Kalsched).
No one should ever be annoyed with you. The protective system is too strong. Anyone (good person) gaining your trust and "breaking through" will be seen as an enemy (to the shield) and be repelled.
It's a tough one. EMDR might work, but be careful. Rage, hurt, depression etc. etc. might be released. Baby steps.
Good luck🍀