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What it is like to be on psychiatric medication (trigger warning)
Silence
;
There is darkness all around me
I can see the light formed in a sliver high above me.
It is hard to be aware of anything except suffering.
My bones have all been shattered, all but my skull, leaving my brain intact.
I am exquisitely aware of the agony of all my senses.
I know I am dying.
I am losing all desire to continue; death remains elusive.
I know I am in an earthen pit; I do not know how deep.
I have tried to scale the walls with my broken body.
They crumble in my hands.
I can feel the bones of my ancestors underneath me extending in time to hell.
I cannot scream for help. My broken ribs have punctured my lungs.
The dirt begins to fall from the beast shoveling above me.
The pain is my reality.
My higher functions are shutting down, leaving primitive fear that cannot be reasoned with.
Please, please, please, please, please, shovel faster, bury me alive.
The dirt rains down on me, torrential rain in slow motion.
Faster, please.
The reptile at the base of my brain, terrified, continues to fight for life despite my pleas to let me die.
The following shovel lands on my face. My ruptured lungs struggle to breathe, drawing dirt into my mouth.
I can taste and smell the decay.
Please, God, let me die; please stop the horror.
Silence.
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Greg,
The right medication’s can save lives.
I want to be 100% clear there are appropriate uses for medication.
What has become a problem as doctors being too busy and simply prescribing medication’s which then caused the patient to present as more ill requiring more medication.
This is a systemic problem because of the self organizing nature of medicine and the insurance industry to generate a profit.
The right doctor can make all the difference in the world they’re so busy however we need to help them and do our own homework. That’s been my experience.
As for those in the psychiatric perfection, they have been misled by the DSM the pharmaceutical industry, and they are causing enormous suffering and death.
That doesn’t mean anyone should ignore their doctor.
One should engage with their doctor do homework and ask the questions and insist they treat you properly as a human being.
Not a problem to be solved.
When they can’t solve a problem, they triage patients into those, just keep comfortable into those who might get better, psychiatric medication blunt cognition, to such extent that is very difficult for us, the patient, even stand up for ourselves.
It’s very wonderful to get your messages. Thank you.
May you live in peace and good health
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5 ReactionsThe reality of these pharmaceutical drugs for people with real psychiatric disorders is that they’re life saving. They saved my own life and I’m forever grateful I’m still here with my own kids and family. I don’t appreciate people saying these drugs are “the problem” because that contributes to the stigma of the mentally ill not seeking help. The majority of people need these drugs to function. Just because these drugs weren’t right for you doesn’t mean they’re wrong for everyone, and you should be more responsible with such statements on a public platform.
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7 ReactionsYou are correct for any of the right psychiatric medication’s or godsend for those who are misdiagnosed they’re a nightmare
I am very happy you found relief in your family found relief. I wish you peace and good health all the days of your life.
Thank you
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1 ReactionI want to clarify any misconceptions that may have resulted from my post.
I am not, repeat, not suggesting anyone discontinue their medication’s,
Doing so is incredibly dangerous and almost killed me.
I am advocating that one help their doctors by taking responsibility for researching and understanding one’s conditions, and addressing those issues forthrightly with one’s physicians.
If you’re stable and your medication’s are working for you, I celebrate that.
If you’re struggling, my suggestion is consider metabolic issues as a primary concern.
Healthful food, sleep, exercise, and loving connection is what has healed me.
Much of it from this site.
May everyone live in peace and good health all the days of their lives.
Thank you!
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2 ReactionsThere wasn't one physician who treated you with professional skill and the dedication you deserved over a number of years, even decades, while you suffered terribly under their "care".
Lithium 900mg for fifteen years.
Venlafaxine 450mg for fifteen years.
Bupropion 450mg for fifteen years.
Hydrocodone three years.
Meclizine three years.
Latuda 40mg two years.
Lorazpam 1mg as needed.
Ferrous Sulfate fifteen years.
Pantoprazole fifteen years.
Xarelto ten years.
Propranolol five years.
Seroquel five years
Prednisone five years.
Albultirol five years
Benzonatate five years
Aripiprazole one year.
Caplyta one year.
@relieffrompain
How many of the drugs you listed above did you take simultaneously? They had you on everything but the kitchen...
@dfb
Health care system
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1 ReactionOnly one. He treated me, daily sometimes, as I contended with the demons of my past from a life of truama.
He saved my life many times over. Not with pills…with love.
He cared for me as he did all his patients, maybe me a little more. We saw the world through the same eyes.
He would not diagnose me because of it would mark me for life. He didnt accept insurance and my debt ran up to $25,000 in 87 dollars…all paid.
More over, I and my wife became the nexus of healing in a broken family.
He was a healer, a singular human…I’ve missed him so.
Dear dfb, I have just read your heartrending poem/post. I have suffered from bipolar disorder since my teens (I am
72 now). Your description of severe depression is so accurate that I am going to print it to show to people who think I am just a bit "down" or want to "cheer me up".
In the past I have been hospitalized several times, and been on all sorts of medication regimes. In my 40's, I was lucky to be taken on by my current psychiatrist - we have been together for 20 years. I am now on a mixture of various medications, and I have been really well for several years. My advice, if you don't mind advice from an old lady, is :
- find a psychiatrist you can trust and who "gets" you as a person
- if your trusted psychiatrist suggests medication, then give it a try. You have to find a regime which suits you
- don't self-medicate with alcohol, drugs or prescription medication. It won't help, and will only confuse things
- let your doctor know the moment there is any change in your condition. Be honest and straightforward
- work out strategies to use when you are depressed. For example, set an alarm and get up at a reasonable time.
if you just ruminate in bed or on the sofa it will make you feel worse. When your friends ask you out or want to
see you, don't cut them out of your life. Help them understand what they can do to help. Sometime just sitting
in a room with another person can be comforting
Get out of the house at least once a day, and do something which you normally find enjoyable. Even if you just
walk around the block or stop for a coffee, break up your day so it doesn't feel like relentless misery
- if you start to have feelings of suicide, TALK TO SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY. It might be your doctor, family
or a close friend, even an internet forum or phone help line. No-one can see inside your head, no-one can help
you if you are not honest and straightforward about your feelings
Enough preaching. I want you to know that despite my struggles with mental illness, I have managed to get a good education, work in an interesting career, make good friends, marry and have 4 children, and now live a full and active life as a retiree. Mental illness is not the end of your life, you can live with it if you allow yourself and trusted doctors/friends to help you. It is a cliche, I know, but tomorrow is another day, and when you are down you have to believe that THINGS WILL GET BETTER.. I feel for you, and wish you the very best. From Ellu in
Australia.
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