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@bbams Welcome to Mayo Connect. I’m so sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis, I can understand his shift in attitude, it is a difficult diagnosis to face. He is so fortunate though to have you and have you trying to encourage and help him during this time. While I don’t have the same type of cancer as your husband has I have some experience with cancer. This year I had my third surgery for a rare form of cancer, neuroendocrine tumor. All of my tumors have been in the duodenal bulb and this third surgery was difficult to face. My surgeries have been over a period of 13 years so I know that each new occurrence is a disappointment. As Colleen so aptly said, try and be with your husband and to give voice to his fears, it will encourage him to be honest with you and will undoubtedly deepen your relationship. If you can find a support group for caregivers that would be very beneficial to you. Caregivers need support as well! The American Cancer Society will have support groups for patients as well as caregivers. In my locale, University of Michigan has an extensive support group for caregivers. Make some calls and see what you can find. You will find it a great encouragement! Best wishes and please know that Mayo Connect is always here to listen and care! Prayers are going out for both you and your husband!

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@hopeful33250 thank you for your response and I apologize for the delay. I’m sorry to hear about needing surgery again. How are you doing now? I want him to voice his fears but for some reason he just won’t open up. Any suggestions? I don’t try to force it out of him by saying he should talk, I know that will make him close off more. But I think its getting worse. How did you feel in those times? I mean, I’m guessing he feels as though no one can understand. And I know I can’t know how he feels but it helps to talk about it. Him and I are opposites like that. Haha. Thank you for the advice and sharing!

Oh! 1 more thing. Thanks for the caregiver group advice. I went to one in Denver at Kaiser but I haven’t found any groups in my age range other than online and the Kaiser group couldn’t really seem to relate :/ Maybe if I go back. it was still early then. We had just found out we couldn’t have children, we were just about to get married (engaged 5/2015, diagnosis 1/2016, cancelled the huge wedding we were planning for next month in MA and instead got married 3/2016 in our living room in CO with 4 friends). I met a girl in the young caregiver online chat room who is in a very similar situation, we talk almost every day. She’s awesome. Maybe I should look into local support groups again now that the shock stage has finally passed.