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Feedback wanted, never shared most of this to anyone... until today...
first off today I decided to return to my job at time of fatal crash that left me with ptsd, pain and just horible situation, and so today was my last day before I lost the right to demand rehire, and they bastards actually turned me down, which helps me in many ways, also means more time of boredum and possibly more tim to loose the progress I have made..
basically I suffered silently with mental health issues since second grade. but due to my fear of peoples reactions I held it in, but I clearly remember suicidal thoughts starting when I was 8 years old.... And I saw some statistics not long ago, and seems like I am a very rare survivor of children with suicidal tendencies. I just recently started seeking help, and its been what I feared a very long, painful, embarrassing, and expensive process so far and I still don't know for sure my "Diagnosis" one doctor said I resemble a cuter that don't cut.. and I laughed and said well I can't see blood or I pass out... So when I smoked pot, for the first time I actually felt normal... my mom which is anti pot extreme will ever agree my grades, my moods and my quality of life improved. Since then I have been from one drug to the next with each time ending in treatment, and then few months later I hit a wall and start doing the next worse drug... after all of this pain, a lot of horrible events, I am at this fork in the road. I was pretty much fired today when I went to get my job back that I was injured at.... So basically I got a fresh start and my fear is the next drug... only one left and I wont go that route, so I really am considering going back to pot, legally. I have talked to my pastor and parents and both agree that they don't approve because of i "not obeying the laws of the land" but if I am legal they approved... K well I have rambled on an on but regardless if it makes sense it sure was nice to get it all out... SO my question is based on opinions, beliefs and morals is it a bad idea for me to view pot as medicine and not a drug? Please be open I really want to see all views on this. I want to be-able to say I saw all sides of this before I acted, I do not want to feel guilt or remorse later
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Well doctors appointment was a waste of time, he had no answers for me just more questions. So where do you go for help when the best doctor you can find don't even know, he did say a few surprising comments in the report, he said I don't seem paranoid, delusional or suicidal at all... LOL ya he is sure thorough... And at another point said I may be faking ptsd symptoms for possible financial gains!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?! 21 page report and it has seriously NO ANSWERS just states the obvious... ARGGGGGGGG sorry just have to vent I am sooooo frustrated and just can't figure out what to do now, sure don't look good.. but maybe something will happen soon some door has to open up eventually
Dear,
You are worth every effort so please don't give up. Yes, things beyond our control can disappoint us but we have to keep trying.
Hugs,
Rox
Hi J stay strong my friend I know that you can. Also watch the language or you will be flagged Take care Piglti
very sorry, I just just on a rant, no excuse, but thankyou for calling me on it!!!
no worries and thanks for the flowers just what I needed today
I know it is easy to say, but keep your cool, stay strong, and a door will open. I am sure you are frustrated at times, but never give up. Most of all, keep the faith.