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How do you accept change as you age?
Aging and accepting our changes is never easy!
One of my favorite sayings is ‘it’s a good thing our children grow older, but parents don’t!’ Often I wish this was true and while it’s a positive message, not our reality.
Like it or not, time and life take their toll on us and we change. However accepting these changes can be a challenge in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Both physically and emotionally I might add.
I remember well after caring for my wife for the first seven years of her war with brain cancer my dad passed away and I was able to get to his memorial service. I was very excited to see our two grandsons and decided being ‘as young as you feel’, and wanting to make up for lost time entered into a rousing game of Freeze Tag in the hotel’s front yard. All went well until I made too fast a deke and found myself flying across far more sod than I should have been! Result? Four broken ribs, a painfully long recovery, and a reminder I’m not as agile as I once was!
I also realize that the realistic view of our age is not relegated to ourselves alone. I’ve spoken with our adult children about this and they have said they don’t really see me as aging, but just as ‘Dad’, who they want to do all the same things with they have done in the past. On the other hand, our grandsons see me as ‘grandpa’ and are comfortable ‘just having me around’ especially if there happens to be a Dairy Queen nearby!
So it is I‘ve begun to think more about the importance of accepting the changes and limitations imposed on us as we advance in age. While I’m not cashing in any chips I don’t need to, I have found I do avoid a few challenges I used to gladly accept. For instance last summer I went whitewater rafting on some Class V rapids. After almost drowning, I have forgone any return trips to rivers with this class of rapids. I swim well, just not as far and as long as I used to be able to while fully clothed and in heavy gear.
While I miss those rapids and full contact Freeze Tag, I know why my grandmother often told me ‘discretion is the better part of valor’.
As you age, are you practicing discretion, even when you wish you didn’t have to? Is it hard like it is for me?
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@parus Don't feel guilty for having gotten to the age you are, now. You, and all of us, have fought a hard fight to get here. We are not a liability. We are a picture of bravery and persistence! Keep on keeping on [oooh, did I just date myself or what?]!
Ginger
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6 Reactions@parus, @IndianaScott
I'm happy to be back after my hiatus from Connect to campaign for my local Representative and others. I've found that I'm not interested in the frustrations of the national election this year. I cherish my work with Mayo Connect and was happy to see that you and others are still contributing here.
I too have been very concerned about COVID19 and what it means for those of us considered "elderly." I've honestly never thought of myself as elderly, just older/ mature, lol. My husband assures me that I'm elderly. We're not holding anyone back, and if we are it's a good thing. The virus is still too active for people to be out and about. As elders we can demonstrate by our behavior that it's OK to stay in for extended periods of time.
An excellent resource for me as I age has been a book titled, From Age-ing to Sage-ing; A Revolutionary Approach To Growing Older, by Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and Ronald S. Miller. I will quote a couple of passages from the book's Introduction to give a feeling of the book's contents.
"As part of the emerging approach to late-life development, the contemporary sage draws on 3 sources: models of the traditional tribal elder whose wisdom guided the social order for thousands of years; state of the art breakthroughs in brain-mind and consciousness research; and the ecology movement, which urges us to live in harmony with the natural world. These forces converge in the sage, whose explorations in consciousness are giving birth to an elderhood that is appropriate for the modern world."
"Throughout most of history, elders occupied honored roles in society as sages and seers, leaders and judges, guardians of the traditions, and instructors of the young. They were revered as gurus, shamans, wise old men and women who helped guide the social order and who initiated spiritual seekers into the mysteries of inner space. . . . with the Industrial Revolution . . . . elders lost their esteemed place in society and fell into the disempowered state that we now ascribe to a 'normal` old age. Today as the Age Wave crests all about us and we confront existential questions about the purpose of our extended longevity, we are searching for new myths and models to ennoble the experience of old age."
This book helps me to better understand my new role as an elder. I think some of our current problems with younger adults feeling it's "unfair" to even quarantine for a comparatively short period of time, and demanding their "freedom to get a hamburger" when they want, despite the global health Pandemic, are the result of elders not asserting and sharing our learned wisdom with our families. I work to be heard in my family, which isn't easy. The tendency is to discount what elders have to offer because we grew up in different situations. Nonetheless, our wisdom is needed. I persist until what I offer is acknowledged and even accepted by some of my 10 grandchildren, and 3 children/step-children.
I believe I have much to offer my family and others, as well as much to learn as a "wise old woman."
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7 Reactions@IndianaScott, what a beautiful furbaby! No wonder you fell in love with her immediately. Great companion and walking partner. This may sound odd, but my new Smartwatch got me started walking daily, no matter how short the walk. It reminds me hourly to be active, stretch, or go for a walk. My husband has started walking with me too, which he would never do before. Sine I'm 71 and he'll soon be 75, it's great for us. We live in an area where the houses are far apart and we rarely meet others while walking. It's great for relieving the quarantine stress.
We did get into the hot tub last week which was great, until I tried to get out. I forgot that I'm old now and can't just hop out as I used to. Instead of putting one leg up on each step, getting my balance, waiting until I was steady, and then moving up, I tried to do it all in one fast move. I ended up falling on my right side on the concrete, and being in pain for several days. I hope our daughter will install a metal set of grab bars at the edge of the hot tub. Until then, I have to move in and out with conscious efforts. I have osteoporosis now and can't afford to break anything.
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3 ReactionsOops, sorry to hear of your injury, @gailb. Yes, trying to do several movements at one time is not advisable for us elderly folks. Take care, I agree that broken bones are not good to deal with.
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2 Reactions@virgo1952 @gingerw
Wow! What accomplished women you are in martial arts! I tried a few classes in the 1970s when I worked in the Tucson Police Department. I learned a lot, but never really used the physical skills. I do think it made me more sure of myself and more assertive in my career and relationships. As a former HR executive, I had to use many skills to achieve good things for employees and not let the powerful (men) keep lowering benefits and wages. Thanks for reminding me where I learned much of what it takes to compete honorably.
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3 ReactionsI am 90 yrs old. I tested negative.How about you?
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2 Reactions@gailb Welcome back. I have been rather scarce for various reasons. Mostly trying to keep my head from going to unhealthy places.
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1 ReactionI haven't been tested yet. I am in the vulnerable group, but have been isolating since the end of January. Hopefully I won't need a test. Thanks for asking.
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1 ReactionGet tested
@bill54321 I can't get tested for no reason. I would have to get my doctor to say I need the test, and I don't think I do. My husband and I haven't been around other people since late January, and we have a great disinfecting system. If I feel a need to get tested I will.
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2 Reactions